澳际教育集团留美专家张旭老师点评梦游仙境Essay

　　Essay 2: In an essay of 300 words or less, choose one extracurricular activity, work experience, or community service project from the list you provided on the application and explain why you initially chose it, why you continued with it, and how you benefited from it。

　　注意：这是一个很常见的题目。关键在于你是否一直在从事这项活动，并且从活动中得到什么启迪。大部分同学写的是社区活动和美国人想的社区活动不一样，这也是要注意的。这位同学写的是话剧社，文章有点拖拉

　　I used to be one of those girls who prefer to stay at home rather than hang out with friends. (这句话没必要) However, that situation has changed since I decided to join the modern drama team in my high school. (加入话剧社的原因是什么？题目要求的你没说)Can a quiet girl survive the drama club? Yes, I am one quiet girl and I become a key member of the school Modern Drama Team. Originally curiosity was my guide to the events of the Team, then I found myself so drawn to the excitement and the challenges of the drama that I signed up immediately. (你有别的原因也可以写)

　　Though I loved drama (你真的喜欢吗？前面没说啊)， I didn’t really want to join the team because a) little did I know about drama, b)I knew nothing about acting and c)I was kind of afraid of the teacher who was in charge of the drama team. (好好说，不要罗列A,B,C，这样很不礼貌)So thanks, but no, thanks。(？)

　　(One of my friends, Helen, was eager to take part in the team and didn’t want to be alone outside the interview room, so she kept begging me to go to the interview with her. When I said that I didn’t feel like going with her, having her eyes filled with tears, she said: “How…how could you do this to me…I thought we were friends…” “Of course we were! And we will always be friends forever!” I told her. “But…but you don’t want to help me! Oh…how poor I am…even my best friend don’t want to be with me!” tears started running down her face. I had no choice but agree to go with her. Then, just one second after I agreed, Helen let a big smile spread across her face, baring almost all her teeth: “I know you are the best ever! See you there!” and she bounced away. What an actress!)如此长的一段原来写的是加入的原因！很浪费，几句话就说清楚了：我和朋友去的，只是好奇和帮忙，不想着迷了等等。

　　(The interview was easier than I had expected: the only thing we needed to do was to read a few lines. I read mine as emotionally as I could manage, and then the interviewer nodded at me and told me that I could join the team! I was one of them! I could perform on the stage!)这里显现的是你的天分，你可以说说，但是文章到这里还是没讲你到底进去后表现如何 How thrilled I was! Dashing out of the room, smiling at almost everyone I saw along the way, I found Helen in the dining hall. Before I could manage to speak clearly, she said: “you made it, right? You got in! I know you would!” and she gave me a little hug. “So how was yours going?” I asked. “Well, no one could do better than me. I am the king of the world!” We spent almost 3 hours imagining that when we were super stars, we would perform together, we would be the best partners ever…(申请短文不是小说，没必要这么声情并茂，赶紧进入正题，你的表现，和最重要的，你的心得体会呢？)

　　So that was how my actress life begins. After that, I learned a lot in the team。(细节？学到什么了)

　　The teacher that I have mentioned before who I was afraid of turned out to be a strict but mother-like woman. She taught us that acting is one of the most significant skills that all the people should learn about it。(这老师无关) (We learned so much about the drama, ranging from the history of it to the affectation of the light during the performance, from how to express our feeling without words to how to indicate the environment through mere sounds。)这是你的所学，才是应该举例说明，浓墨重彩去写。

　　In the drama team, I made lots of new friends. We talked about our favorite playwrights and those famous actors and actresses. I spent so much time with them that I became more outgoing than before。(就这么写完了？？你的心得体会呢？)

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