澳际教育集团留美专家黄斌老师对“梦游仙境”Essay的精彩点评

　　In an essay of 300 words or less, write about how your personal or academic interests relate to your intellectual or professional goals。

　　In the past years, Bill Gates merely meant a lot of money. Until recently hearing that he is going to give away all his property to charity organizations, I figured out that he was my idol. I want to be like him who has billions of money. However, money isn’t everything. It is just a tool that can help me realize my dream. I hope that my life would be like what I have always been imagining. I hope I can bring me family and my friends happiness by using my money. What’s more, I also hope that I can help those people who need help and be capable of contributing to the world. And learning how to earn and control money in the country where Bill Gates lives is one of my purposes of studying aboard。

　　点评：这是一个非常典型的美国大学essay问题，但是要在短短的300词之内写出学生的interests和goals，而且更重要的是，两者之间的关系是如何的？前者如何影响后者？

　　所以，一般来说这样的命题不宜写别人的例子，篇幅不够，像此文中Bill Gates的例子就非常distracting。这里应该讲你的PERSONAL interests和goals。不要花费太多的文字在讲述别人的事例上，无论这个人看起来是多么和你要说的内容相关。