澳际教育集团留美专家张旭老师点评梦游仙境个人陈述1

　　点评：题目的关键地方是什么？RELATE, 看清楚这个词，然后琢磨一下自己的兴趣和学业目标如何能统一起来？

　　修改后的个人陈述(PS)：

　　Common beliefs have it that Bill Gates means no more than a name with the heavy color green, the color of dollar bills. I shared with this common belief until a recent news that Bill Gates says to donate all of his fortune to charity. At that moment, I started to reconsider my conception abut this name, this person, and my own goal in life as well。

　　I used to believe that making billions of money can certainly realize my dream and bring my family happiness. My deep interests in numbers, figures and logics seem to be oriented toward one simple direction: making big money. But what is next after all the money in hand? Can money realize everything for me? The more thinking I have about Bill Gates’ recent deeds, the more I feel my interests and abilities should be poised for higher purposes. In college, I want to learn accountings, fiscal theories, micro-economics and financial models and more.  I want to further develop my interests in math and physics through various practices. Ultimately, a trained professional is someone I want to be in my life, who can use expertise to help people better managing their wealth and help corporations better operating their business. And, I can also be the bridge between people such as Bill Gates and the charity and other noble attempts. All of the fascinating knowledge, skills and know-how that I learn in college will be readily applied to the works I love and generate results. Isn’t it more exciting than just thinking about making big cash all day?

　　This is something I am truly interested in doing, and I believe this is a goal I will definitely fight for its achievement. At the same time, I am also confident that my diligence in work and keen interests in what I do will eventually bring the necessary rewards to me, including money and honors. 

　　原文链接：http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_6154f9160100e4yv.html?tj=1