Friendships II

　　Mr Sifford goes on to describe his own ideas on the subject:

　　"To most of us , friendships rank high in importanc e, but we need to have clear in our own minds the kinds of friendships we want. Are they to be close and intens e or kept at arm's length? Do we want to share ourselve s or do we want to walk on the surface?"

　　"For some people, many superficial friendships are quite sufficient —and that's all right. But at some poi nt we need to make sure that our expectations are congr uent with our friend's expectations. If one wants more from the friendship than the other, and if this is not talked about, one is likely eventually to feel that he' s holding the short end of the stick. "

　　"The sharing of intimacies, including ultimately ou r fears as well as our dark dreams, is the surest way t o deepen friendships. But the process must be undertake n slowly and pursued only if there are signs of interes t and reciprocation."

　　What are some of the obstacles to friendship? Accor ding to Mr Sifford, the greatest is the temptation to e xpect too much too soon. Deep relationships take time. Another "prime difficulty" is the selfish tendency to t hink one "possesses" the other, with an almost exclusiv e right to his time and attention. Similarly, friendshi ps require bilateral reciprocal actions. In brief, you must give as much as you take. Finally there is a quest ion of nurturing, of cultivating one's own garden in th e image of the French philosopher, Voltaire. Unless you spend reasonable time together, talking on the phone, w riting letters, doing thing together, friendships will "wither and curl up aroud the edges".

　　Why is it so difficult to form friendships? Perhaps the answer has something to do with the impatient tempe rament of some American people. It is possible, as Mr S ifford states, that we simply do not stay in one place long enough for a true friendship to develop. However, there can be no disagreement on the need for each of us to think carefully about the kind of friendships we wan t. As in all inter-personal relationships, success depe nds on clarity of purpose, openness to others, and a wi llingness to experiment.