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The ultimate tourist challenge
http://www.sina.com.cn 2003/09/12 11:59  上海英文星报

  It's tough being a tourist. I know, I've tried. It really isn't as easy as it sounds. I tried really hard to be a tourist this weekend, when I visited the island of Putuoshan. Now I'm worried that I'm just not cut out for it. All that relaxation and no stress, it's just so demanding!

  The journey to Putuoshan was certainly promising as far as stress and discomfort were concerned. There's a 12-hour overnight boat trip, where you share your cabin with 11 other people. The toilets on the boat can best be described using words like "festering" and "pit". Yes, these are things that definitely appear in the "How to be a Tourist" handbook. As does the ticket buying process. It's not easy to buy a ticket for the boat from Shanghai to Putuoshan (and apparently impossible, if your name is Tamsin, but that's another story!).

  Once you have escaped from the sweltering boat, it all looks good. Not only do you need to pay 110 yuan just to get onto the island, you have to go to three different buildings before you can buy your tickets for the return to Shanghai, all followed by an army of people trying to persuade you to stay at their hotel. Ah yes! This is what being a tourist is all about!

  My doubts started to set in at the Hundred Step Beach. Confronted with the sight of blue sea, an almost entirely empty stretch of spotless golden sand, backed by tree covered hills with picturesque temples on top, it was almost too much. Surely, tourists are not supposed to have to deal with this? I was filled with panic and had to fight back the urge to run away to a crowded street in Shanghai where I could dodge buses and bicycles. I took a deep breath (of clean, fresh air, and promptly choked). Then I did what all good, fearless tourists should do - I took the plunge (literally).

  Still reeling from that experience, I then visited the Pujichan Temple, hoping for crowds of people, who would elbow me out of the way and trample all over me. I thought my luck was in when I spotted a tour guide with a flag and a megaphone. But once I was inside the temple, the tourists seemed to melt away and I was left to contemplate life in a shady corner of a courtyard, with the smell of incense wafting over me.

  Even wandering the streets of Putuoshan failed to produce the type of white knuckle excitement that I had been led to believe tourism should involve. Again my hopes were raised by the fleet of buses that travel the island at ridiculous speeds, only to be dashed when I realized that they lack the killer instinct of taxi drivers in Shanghai. They swerve to avoid you with whole minutes to spare. I couldn't even find a MacDonalds or a Kentucky Fried Chicken to eat dinner at.

  After two days of such dreadful relaxation and awful peace, I knew that the boat trip back (on a boat that had until recently clearly been used as a prison ship) would be just what I needed. Somehow, though, it just didn't seem to matter.

  So if you really can't face tranquility and relaxation, don't go to Putuoshan. Or if you do, don't get off the boat!




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