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GRE作文入门和进阶(1)
http://www.sina.com.cn 2004/02/16 16:30  寄托天下

(引子——silentwings的情人节礼物)

  在你决定是否要花上宝贵的几个小时的时间来读这篇文章的时候,你完全可以参考以下5个问题来进行自我对照,然后自己决定:

  1、写作文写来写去总是觉得无话可说,感觉就是在凑字数,GRE作文到底写多少字才算行?

  2、写来写去总是那几种套路,看得自己也厌倦了,而且词汇贫乏,用来用去只是写浅显初级词,GRE词汇记不起,也不会活用。

  3、作文时常常发现论据论证不足,而且常常发现脱离了现成提纲就写不下去,有时还有跑题倾向。

  4、不会写复杂的长句,不知道牛人的复杂精巧的句子结构如何捏成的。

  5、时间紧张,规定考试时间下各方面都较平时练习时相差甚远,如何解决?

  本文旨在以上5个主要方面阐述GRE作文的入门修炼和进阶提高思路,不是系统介绍GRE作文方方面面的攻略,也不是如何教你写出“满分”的作文,若你有耐性看完的话,相信你自己就能领悟达到高分作文的途径。本文之谈均系作者个人及其余诸位“顶尖实力”战友的经验总结,仅供参考,勿将本文用于商业用途,转载请注明寄托天下出处,并保持主题及文章内容完整,严禁私自删改,尊重著作权。谢谢大家!

(序曲——Violet迟到的爱情)

  一直以来都认为曾经位列中国TOP10前5位的名牌“枪手”Violet是个浑身散发紫罗兰清香的长发女孩,正如我的师傅chimera一样超尘脱俗,让人简直不敢相信这样一个可人的女孩居然是……,但是沉寂了3年后居然让我在上海邂逅。另我吃惊的不仅仅原来“她”原来是个男的,而且其貌不扬,甚至看上去比我(自认为是“甲级残废”)还要“那个”,更另我吃惊的是他会在他“深恶痛绝”的华东出现,而且居然成为了在闵行外企的白领——负责卫生清洁的白领。我愣了,我只是认为普天之下没有比我更会折磨自己的人,想不到他也算上了,这种“前辈”式的人物。与我异曲同工,自从感情波折后,我就把自己献给了钟爱的“拖拉机”专业,整天出入工厂,教室,图书馆,梦想设计建造一台举世无双的“拖拉机”,连型号我都自定义好了——ST120,ST代表SUPER TRACTOR。已不知多少次熟睡中被教室物业管理人员抛出窗户,此刻的他也是有几次差点在高空作业时昏倒。这样,老板怕他有个三长两短,就将他派往内勤。当晚,尽管是初次见面,但很快我们都投机的聊上了,他热情地请我到他家吃饭。没想到的是,喝了点可乐后,他主动跟我说他来上海的原因——为了参加生命中最后的一场GRE考试。我吓了一跳,以为他患了什么“不治之症”,忙劝他想开点。不料他竟然说是因为跟chimera一起要今年退休了,所以才破戒来上海跟她在退休前较量一把,但是结果一个女孩的出现改变了他的全盘计划。

  “我看见她的时候,我简直呆住了,我反复问自己,“Is she an angel?”我从不相信我一见钟情,但我有种预感我爱她已经很多年了,我一直在找,终于从西北找到了华东,找遍了大半个中国找到了她。当时她正在人才市场内的桌旁为她们公司招聘业务员,我情不自禁地上前报名,与她攀谈。结果我被录取,因为我要求低,而且学历一般(西北某不知名大学毕业,本科),有两年以上工作经历(其实是以前做“枪手”的掩饰),还有“基本不会英语”,这样不至于要价高,而且被担心因工作突出挤掉上司的“金饭碗”,现在老板就爱这种吃饭少干活卖力的“牲口”。后来,我找准机会表现自己,上升到负责清洁总务,经常出入她的办公室,在闲暇时与她交谈聊天。我尽量不露出马脚,但是渐渐她发现我的气质有些与常人不同,好像学问很深,于是她经常鼓励我应该出做一番大事业。有一天,她让我去新东方学英语去。我肚子里好笑,老子英语不能算牛,菜你们应该没问题吧!但是表面上严肃的像块“铁板烧”,推脱没时间,工作紧,而且价钱不斐。最后,她说了一句让我差点有股冲上去抱住她亲她一口的冲动——“我来帮你补习吧!”

  就这样,她每晚都到我家(我租赁的房子,chimera男朋友的,价格全中国最低)来帮我补课,周末她还让我去她家看原版碟学外语,但是相信我哦,我们什么都没有,只是朋友哦……“是的,我相信”我微笑Violet的天真,想不到他原来感情是这么脆弱,跟我一样,只停滞在孩子阶段。后来,终于有一次周末,她忽然问我,有没有过女朋友过,我支吾说“没有”,后来我们都没有说话。临走时,她只把我送到门口,就停住了,好像有话说,但终于没有说。我不知道她的用意是什么,回去时只想假如她来替ETS出卷,那么我是没活路的。第二天,她告诉我说她要出差一周,不去补课了,让我好好想想今后该如何学下去。一周中,我隐约知道了些什么。她一回来,我就请她到我家来吃饭,那天我已经鼓足勇气向她表白,可是我……

  “你无法忘记你初恋女友的影像和话语?”

  是的,我的耳边一直在响她歇斯底里的哭叫:“我要的是一个爱我疼我的男人,不是一个只懂得考GRE、LSAT的机器!”我当时真的很乱,完全听不见她对我说话,我怕有一天她突然发现我一直在骗她,我根本是个帮人“作弊”的败类,一个外语考试的杀手,她会怎么看我?临走时,我和她都站在了门外半个小时,她知道我要说给她听,她在以她的耐心等着。最后她终于等不了,撒开我的手,走了……

  “你说她,……她走了!你……亏你还算是一代宗师!”

  当她的背影消失的一刹那我终于忽然明白我苦苦寻找的是什么,什么才是我的真爱。没有立刻犹豫,我立刻把记下的准考号扔入了垃圾筒,然后门也来不及锁,就穿了拖鞋忘我的跑了3站路才在第四站上截住她,她看到我连忙下车。我抱住她,大声在空旷的“站台”上对她说:“亲爱的,你知道吗,我爱你!我寻找了整整上半生都在找你。我想和你一起分享全新的生活,因你快乐而快乐,因你哀伤而哀伤。我的爱人,你知道吗,爱让我舍得为你放弃………”

  “真替你高兴,你终于可以摆脱GRE了,但可惜的是你的独树一帜的‘五步一杀’的作文绝学和应试秘籍从此要成为绝响了。你其实可以写本书啊!”

  “绝响的又岂止我一人?何况我背负了这个重担已经太累了,我想“绝响”是再好不过了。毕竟比我出色的高手有的是,他们靠这都出名致富了,我不行,我能告诉别人什么呢?我考过N次GRE,可是这么多的高分一个都不属于自己,出版界会认为我只是疯子而已。”

  “有道理!我估计马上您‘女朋友’又要来补课了,我该走了!我真诚地祝福你们!”

  “谢谢!我不留你了!你想不想知道那晚她对我说了什么?”

  “她……?说了什么?”

  “爱我必须把英语学好哦!”

  (我晕!@#$%^&*…………)

  离开Violet家的时候,刚好在楼外与一长发女子擦肩而过,直觉告诉我她就是他的爱人,因为她身上有股紫罗兰的香味。真的太羡慕他,终于找到了自己迟到的爱情,希望他一路走好。也许有一天,我一直梦想的,能够开上我自己设计的ST——120满世界去环游寻找我自己心中的爱人,那时一定比什么“宝马”,“劳斯来斯”还酷,还要浪漫,当清秀明眸,青丝飘洒的女孩羞涩的上前问我:

  “亲爱的,这是什么?”

  “超级拖拉机120,世界领先!”(^-^)

  “你怎么会来这里?”

  “亲爱的,你知道吗,我爱你!我寻找了整整上半生都在找你。我想和你一起分享全新的生活,因你快乐而快乐,因你哀伤而哀伤。我的爱人,你知道吗,爱让我舍得为你放弃………”

  …………

(2004华东最后的战役)

一、GRE作文整体认识(基础)

  GRE作文全称叫Analytical Writing Assessment,我们通常称之为“逻辑写作”,那么首先我们从这里端正一下我们对其的认识,重心把在“逻辑”(Analytical)之上,即这两篇作文的性质是以“逻辑思想”为中心的,换句话说,也就是“思想第一性”!尽管GRE作文对语言方面的要求远远高于其他同类考试,如TOEFL,但是不可否认的是,语言并不能主要影响你的得分,思想才是关键。我见过很多考生,语言能力通过反复练习,借鉴和背诵,达到了相当高的水平,但是写出来的东西是“成人思想婴儿化”的东西,肤浅无深度,最后连qualify的级别都达不到,就是一开始重心把偏的缘故。好,意识到了这点,我们开始具体分析如何操练GRE作文。在以下的分析中,我将重点剖析大家普遍较难掌握的ISSUE类作文大讲特讲,而对ARGUMENT只是在几个关键的须纠正常识错误的地方带一下即可。Are you ready? Let's go!!!

二、GRE作文的要求(根本)

  无论是ISSUE还是ARGUMENT在评分标准上都有共同之处,考察之后,不难发现,都要求:第一,观点有深度,例证有说服力;第二,组织有条理;第三,表达清晰准确;第四,语言流利,句式复杂,词汇丰富;第五,语言地道标准;第六,少有轻微错误。可以说,这六条标准就是6个评分段,大家平时在练习时,可以参照这六条给自己大分,同时我们可以看到,关于语言要求的内容都在“末三条”,可见其地位较“思想逻辑及条理性”可退居其次,从而印证了上述结论。第一条说的是“思想性”,第二条说的是“结构性”,第三条说的是“表达性”,从这里入手,我们就分别采取“各个击破”的方法解剖GRE作文的本质。

三、GRE作文的思想性(第一性)

  原则一:准确审题,全面回应

  很多考生往往对关乎自己作文命运最关键的部分却不屑一顾,结果往往“下笔数百字,离题十万里”。时间对于考生来说的的确确是个不可不考虑的重要环节,但是审题是一种好的“习惯”,是对应试者最基本素质的考验,马虎不得。后面我们会提到如何作文,就是如何“借题发挥”,如何“点到为止”,不经过这道工序,是不可能“功成身退”的。之所以如此关注强调这点,一方面是因为一旦“跑题”(主要是在ISSUE中),将接受ETS最severe的惩罚,被叛“0”分,同时也是因为这种现象很普遍,比如下面一篇来自网上的ISSUE作文就出现了这种“症状”。

  注:病历文章来自猴哥满分网,范文主要就所讨论之处作出示范,并非一定是什么“高分作文”,主要是silentwings的文章,所选话题均来自近半年来笔者等人在华东区考场实战真题。

  29."Public figures such as actors, politicians, and athletes should expect people to be interested in their private lives. When they seek a public role, they should expect that they will lose at least some of their privacy."

  (病历文)

  Everyone has the right to keep his/her privacy, including the public figures. People have the nature to learn others' privacy, especially those of the celebrities for various reasons, such as reverance and curiousness, but it doesn't follow that they are entitled to pry others' private life, and it is really unfair to say that any public figure choose to expose his/her privacy by himself/herself as long as he/she seek a public role.

  In the current days, it is a widely spread atmosphere that people take a strong interest in talking about the private life of celebrities, they even rival each other in the fact that who knows more about a common interested celebrity. To cater such a taste, more and more mass media try their best to collect each aspect of a public figure's private life with an interest even exceeding that of making known their work. When we read a entertainment paper or magazine, we are certain to find that most of the content are the private life of singers and stars, such as someone got a divorce with his/her ex-girlfried/ex-boyfriend and is now keeping contract with someone else, etc.

  All that exists is not valid, we couldn't say that it is in reason to spy into others' privacy just because most people prefer to do so, and we should not just accept a unfair fact without exert any effort to change the circumstance. To put your own feet in the shoes of the public figures, do you feel comfortable to be watched everywhere you go, and find a lot of affair news about you in the media especially when most of the news are made out by the pressmen? If your answer to this question is no, you should agree that we are obliged to do something to change the current situation about the private lift of public figures. Special laws should be enacted to discipline the prying into privacy of the mass media, sound should be heared arguing again people's interest in celebrities' private life.

  Only when the public figures are librated from the harassment of worrying about their privacy's protection, we can expect a better service from them, and in that case, more capable people will be attract to pursue a public role. Suppose that if a singer is followed everywhere he/she goes, how can he/she lead a normal life as common people, how can he/she gets a relaxation? He/she must be cautious when he/she every words, he/she can't expect a casual and relaxing atmosphere as every common people can enjoy. It is difficult for him/her to concentrate all their energy in working, as a consequence, we would lose some more brilliant performance we can expect otherwise.

  In summary, we should call on the public to cease to spy into the celebrities' privacy and pay more attention to their public life, only in that way can the public figure enjoy their life better and can we expect a better service from them. (496 words)

  评析:这篇文章的主要失误来自作者未能仔细审题便下笔一蹴而就,题目所讨论的对象明明是Public Figures,从头到尾讨论的主体居然成了Public,说他们如何如何关注明星隐私,说他们如何如何设身处地地为明星们着想,最后总结说是公众应还明星们于自由之躯,把一上来合理的“否定回应”抛之脑后,从而导致文章“答非所问”。考虑到文章一上来合理回应,以及不错的语言表达,仅有几处不起眼的拼写错误,应判为“2分”(有严重错误类文章)。

  在出示范文之前,我们就此题谈谈“审题”和“回应”这两个基本问题。

  (1)审题的原则:“字斟句酌,明确对象”,我们读题就是要弄懂题目要让我们干什么,然后才能相应知道该怎么干。GRE作文都是议论文,写议论文就好比“打仗”,知己知彼方能百战不殆。这个题目不难读懂,先翻译如下:“公众人物,例如演员、政治家和运动员等应该预料到人们对他们私生活的关注。当他们决定成为公众角色时,他们应该料到自己的一些隐私将被供之于众。”显然,经过审题,我们发现题目探讨的是公众人物“是否应该”预料到自己隐私的暴光。话题将讨论设定在这个范围内,同时给出了一个参考的见解,“他们当然应该知道”,并给出理由,“他们自己决定成为公众人物”。整个话题是个“should”类型的ISSUE(详细分类见后文),前后句呈”因果关系“(执果索因)。这才是完整的审题,才是完整正确把握文章的第一步。

  (2)回应的原则:“攻其一点,兼顾其余”。也就是说,回应要找准重点,其余部分只须略微带过,作到“回应重点突出而全面”,这点在ISSUE和“ARGUMENT”中都是普遍适用的大前提原则,也是“高分作文”的要领之一。这里我们已经知道作这篇文章要从“公众人物”自身出发,以他们的角度来看待自己隐私是否该暴光的问题,这样我们就找到中心回应点是“should expect”,对象是“public figures”,而例证可以充分利用话题的友好提示:列举的三种人,选择熟悉易于表达的来充实论证,免了自己的劳神工夫,这种资源一定要善加利用,一方面可充实论据,另一方面,作到了兼顾其他,全面回应的原则。下面的范文采取AGREE的态度,采用should类文章的清晰“套路”,作到了合理回应,请读者就这方面仔细分析。

  (范文)

  A million times I have heard the accident regarding a certain famous star shouted to separate fervid journalists and interviews from various media outside his or her door, which finally results a farce of quarrel and fight. Sometimes I really hate those drab reporters, who surprisingly have the endless power and fresh tricks to snatch almost each shadow of celebrities together with the innate ability to embellish them so "fascinating". At the same time those public figures shriek for their overexposure of privacy I am always pity for their embarrassment, for their career they really have no better choice but to tolerate, for their legitimate rights they had better struggle against the privacy revelation. But most of them, in the end, choose the former despite without any mustered negotiation.

  It is obvious to take into mind that being a public cynosure the first thing one has to be even eager to sacrifice is the privacy, in that the quality of public is just the opposite of privacy, in the rim of relationship, either one can only be maintained. The fundamental aim for a celebrity is to stand strong in the sight of public and win over the precious approbation from his or her fans. So packing oneself in his single world can help nothing to add his reputation, what he strives to do is the reverse-anatomize oneself in front of the public stares and acclaim for his names being praised or criticized in the sun-then can he make himself known out of the nonplus of being forgotten and lose his prestige in public. As a result, the condition of privacy being traced and published is no more a paramount incidence but under the prediction of them; after all, no reports, no celebrities.

  Hence, if a public figure intends to preserve his title, no grouch he ought to hang at lips, on the contrary, he might be thankful to these indefatigable journalists and reporters for their free propaganda of his talk and behavior pattern. Take the teenage star-backstreet boys for instance; with the sales of their albums skyrocket, their reputation is more and more stentorian, following the trend of their ordinary life becoming an incandescent focus attracting public eyes. Then as we all know, backstreet clothes have been prevalent, backstreet sneakers also is in heat sale, and personal parlance begins to appear some exotic features commonly shared by teenagers just because backstreet boys ever talked like that. A five-boy chorus can influence so many groups of people by what they said and what they did, the feeling of satisfaction and proud could be no better to describe their elation of success than for the byproducts of the privacy publicized, this time they probably even couldn't help to rush up to the media reporters and proffer their kisses.

  Oh, well, to the scandals mostly reported in any entertainment channel, these figures ultimately reaches a top limitation of inured tolerance, especially those survive by their shingles of excellent prestige, such as those politicians. In the period of election of presidents or senators, the most headache those participants suffer is the side report, which has the overwhelming clout to remove his precious stake to his adversary's side. Then the only thing they must remember is the discretion of their words and behaviors either in public case or merely in private room. There is no absolute stalwart wall that can resist the strong blast, and the unique paper that can wrap the burning flame. According to this principle, the expectation for their privacy no longer staying for himself is no doubt fathomable to them, astonishment is just an effete struggle.

  To sum up, being an illustrious man have to pay his privacy for the undertaking brilliance, and he should understand without the public desire to delve their everyday life instead of merely relying on their limited published works, they convincingly cannot earn such a lot from their maniac supporters, who also need them to care for and give enough regards as feedback. Once this complex relationship being disentangled, I think, the public figures and populace will make a balance on the scale of privacy revelation. (690 words)

  在切实掌握好这些技巧之后,后续的问题也会接踵而来,很多考生在认识到问题的严重性之后,不知道如何从开始回应起就把握好文章的走向而不跑题,作好条理性的框架是必须的,但是最简便的方法就是(千万注意啊!!!)——将话题的内容编成问句,自己的每段回应编成回答,如果作到有问必答,那么你就没有跑题,否则就要重新构思回到正轨上来。这个方法在备考初期研究题库预先构思时尤为重要,他能检验你提纲的合理性,否则一旦到了考场,你来不及重新构思而盲目照搬,后果不堪设想。希望这里的这点提醒能够引起各位考生足够的重视,不要白白无谓牺牲。

  而这个问题对于ARGUMENT来说,情况要好得多,一方面由于ARGUMENT回应方式比较固定且其较ISSUE来说约定俗成的高度模式化,另一方面是由于ARGUMENT的易于操作性和熟悉性,利用的资源都来自题干本身,因而考生在这篇作文上很少看走眼。但是也有些题目,由于脱胎于ETS惯常的逻辑单题模式,本身语言饶口,且容易将论据与结论混淆,从而导致一定程度的攻击失误,虽然不至于像ISSUE那样导致全盘失误,但是毕竟在最好拿分的项目上失分无疑是给原本脆弱的分数雪上加霜。下面我们看一道在去年年末左右华东考场遇到的一道少见的ARGUMENT难题,难就难在对于论据和结论的辩识和推理上,还有就是逻辑谬误不是像其他题目那样明显地向你挥手——“向我开炮!!!”

  142.The article entitled 'Eating Iron' in last month's issue of Eating for Health reported that a recent study found a correlation between high levels of iron in the diet and an increased risk of heart disease. Further, it is well established that there is a link between large amounts of red meat in the diet and heart disease, and red meat is high in iron. On the basis of the study and the well-established link between red meat and heart disease, we can conclude that the correlation between high iron levels and heart disease, then, is most probably a function of the correlation between red meat and heart disease.

  析题:仔细读过,发现这道题有点绕,很多考生曾经有过这样的困惑:“我没有理解最后一句话的意思is most probably a function of the correlation between red meat and heart disease.是说high iron level于heart disease之间的关系是red meat与heart disease之间有关的结果那作者到底是认为high iron level和heart disease之间有没有关系阿?”再读之下,我们会发现作者其实做了一个顺接推论:red meat引起心脏病------------> red meat里面还有大量的铁------------------> 高铁引起心脏病,就是这么一个简单的推论过程,关键认清谁推出谁,就要在审题时注意到关键的这么看似不经意却被友好的ETS“重复两次”的短语“well established”,也就是说“大量红肉与心脏病之间一定有联系”是不容质疑的论据,即本题论据是不容批驳的,关键问题在于由论据推导出结论的时候犯了“Implicit causal claims”和“gratuitous assumptions”(详细逻辑谬误分类见后文“七宗罪”),因而我们就可以以次展开攻击。很多来自网上的文章和提纲在本题上颠倒了推导对象,把“高铁引起心脏病”作为论据来推出“red meat引起心脏病”,结果导致文章失误。下面读者可通过以下范文检验一下该论证过程和思路:

  (范文)

  The correlation of the high irons level and heart disease the arguer trying to prove is not as perfect as he assumes. Although at first glance, his cause-and-effect analysis seems quite cogent, yet it can't stand much reexamination.

  I agree to the well-established theory concerning the necessary relation between the large amount of red meat in people's diet and heart disease, but no other possibilities can be ruled out except for one of the ingredients-iron. It is obvious that the arguer constructs his building of conclusion on the basis of the conviction of the deleterious function stems from the iron. While not only a single iron does red meat contain, as we all know, many other components also have the influential role once being indigested into human body. For instance, some type of particular protein it might include, instead of the iron, is the substantial root of heart attack. So the arguer's peroration has no convincing power for this gratuitous assumption.

  Moreover, even though his deduction does really derive from some passage of authoritative researches he has no opportunity to list below, the assertion about the high levels of iron related to the possibility of heart disease cannot be got through by merely so qualified the evidence exhibited here. According to the arguer's elicitation, we believe the red meat does contain large amount of iron, however, we might ask ourselves such questions enlightened by our common sense, "Does the amount of iron involved in red meat reach the dangerous level enough to lead to heart disease?" The answer we can't obtain through this short argument, thus directly make us doubt the whole fruits the arguer attained.

  As it stands, the study reported on the published media Eating for Health is inevitable filled with some lethal logic fallacies, which finally weakens the cogency of the whole claims. To such a paramount and sensitive issue relative to people's health and life, scrutiny is not allowed to be neglected; and it is just for this point, I'm afraid, no people could ultimately abjure for eating red meat as a result of reading this ridiculous article. (352 words)

  ——silentwings


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