More comical Chinese-style interrogation is covered in this nation's version of small talk. Abandoning boring Western preambles like, "Nice weather, isn't it?" WWCCs instead bombard their neighbors with questions such as, "Are you going out?" or "Have you just come back?" even when the answer is blatantly evident. "Have you eaten?" or "Have you been to the toilet?" are similar gems. In both categories, however, there is something that most WWCC pupils have not yet mastered. In response, they'll usually offer a direct reply, instead of simply evading the question or befuddling the quizmaster with a smoke bomb of unrelated statements.

　　Western rugby clubs and riot police departments have talent scouts in various parts of Beijing, hoping to recruit hardcore WWCCs to their ranks. These scouts hide in the city's subway stations, frantically jotting down notes on different WWCCs as they barge through waves of on-rushers piling on and off the subway carriages. Queues of any form seem to provoke similar responses from this breed. As WWCC Karl Long says: "When it comes to queuing, prison rules come into play. No one is safe from the wrath of this lanky foreigner!" Elaborating on other unsavory characteristics he's picked up, Long says: "I've walked around trains, or even gone to the shops in long-johns, I shout at people a lot, I mill into lifts with 47 others, or onto buses with 4470 others, and there's been a few times that I've shared a urinal with at least one other guy." Unlike some others, however, Long will not let his dress sense suffer. "I will never, ever carry a man-bag!"

　　The world of romance is always complicated and impossible to generalize. There is, however, one trait that WWCCs share, whether they were singletons or lusty predators in their past lives. Many may not admit it, but if they want love in China, they have to play Chinese rules. Irish WWCC Connor Walsh explains: "I gradually became much more inclined to look for one romantic/pragmatic relationship, i.e. a girlfriend who would become my wife." So the Westerner with Chinese Characteristics will set his sights on a target, perhaps aided by a friend or an acquaintance, and use a melange of Western charm and Chinese prudence to lure his prey into the parlor. Marriage is often the result, and this is the fast track to becoming a Master WWCC. Then, admitted to one of the core circles of Chinese life, the family unit, the WWCC is set for a grueling training course. The Spring Festival sends Christmas into oblivion, the Da Ge becomes the source of all knowledge and wisdom, and train journeys are never embarked upon without the companionship of a small orchard wrapped up in plastic.

　　Some come here for money. Some come in search of fame. Others arrive in China, chased by the shadows of a dodgy past existence, and perhaps the police. Whatever the reason a Westerner winds up on these shores, it won't be long before he is assimilated into this new breed of being. Like the chameleon, the WWCC adapts to her surroundings until she fits in. Some changes are made by choice; others are forced upon the WWCC. Most, however, are made subconsciously. Westerners with Chinese Characteristics develop a bi-cultural personality. They may dress funnily, or muddle their words in conversation, or startle people at the dinner table. In my mind, it's a price worth paying.

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