我们为何会相爱：母亲对子女的影响

　　Conversely, a mother who has a depressive personality, and is sometimes friendly but then suddenly turns cold and rejecting, may raise a man who becomes a dance-away lover. Because he's been so scared about love from his mother, he is afraid of commitment and may pull away from a girlfriend for this reason.

　　相反，一个忧郁的、时而友好时而变得冷酷或者排斥异己的母亲会培养出一个将来靠不住的恋人。因为他从母亲那里领略了恋爱的可怕之处，因此会害怕做出承诺，并为此与女朋友分道扬镳。

　　While the mother determines in large part what qualities attract us in a mate, it's the father --the first male in our lives--who influences how we relate to the opposite sex. Fathers have an enormous effect on their children's personalities and chances of marital happiness.

　　虽然母亲大体上决定我们挑选什么样的配偶，可是父亲--我们生活中的第一个男人--也影响了我们如何与异性交往。父亲对孩子们的个性及婚姻幸福的可能性具有巨大影响。

　　Just as mothers influence their son's general feelings toward women, fathers influence their daughter's general feelings about men. If a father lavishes praise on his daughter and demonstrates that she is a worthwhile person, she'll feel very good about herself in relation to men. But if the father is cold, critical or absent, the daughter will tend to feel she's not very lovable or attractive.

　　正如母亲影响儿子对女人的总体看法，父亲影响女儿对男人的态度。如果父亲对女儿大加赞扬，并表示她是一个可爱的人，她将会在与男人交往时自我感觉良好。但如果父亲是一个冷漠、喜欢挑剔或者心不在焉的人，女儿会感到自己不太可爱或者缺乏魅力。

　　What about opposites? Are they really attracted to each other? Yes and no. In many ways we want a mirror image of ourselves. Physically attractive people, for example, are usually drawn to a partner who's equally attractive.

　　异性双方的情况如何？他们是互相吸引吗？答案既是又非。在许多方面我们希望爱人像我们自己。比如，外貌出众的人通常被同样的人所吸引。

　　In addition, most of us grow up with people of similar social circumstances. We hang around with people in the same town; our friends have about the same educational backgrounds and career goals. We tend to be most comfortable with these people, and therefore we tend to link up with others whose families are often much like our own.

　　另外，我们大部分人与相同社会背景的人一起长大。我们与居住在同一城镇的人交往;我们的朋友有着同样的教育程度和事业理想。我们与这些人在一起感觉最舒服，因此更易于与出生类似于自己的人交朋友。

　　However, there are instances where people of different social backgrounds end up getting married and being extremely happy. I know of one man, a factory worker from a traditional Irish family, who fell in love with an African-American Baptist. When they got married, their friends and relatives predicted a quick failure. But 25 years later, the marriage is still strong.

　　然而，也有些人社会背景不同，可婚姻极其美满。我认识一个工人，他来自传统的爱尔兰裔家庭，却爱上了一个身为浸礼会教友的非裔美国人。他们结婚时，朋友和亲戚都预测婚姻会很快失败。可25年过去了，他们的婚姻依然坚如磐石。

　　Is there such a thing as" love at first sight" ? Why not? When people become love-struck, what happens in that instant is the couple probably discovers a unique something they have in common. It could be something as mundane as they both were reading the same book or were born in the same town. At the same time they recognize some trait in the other that complements their own personality.

　　世界上有没有"一见钟情"的事？为什么没有？当人们被爱情迷住时，在那一瞬间他们也许发现共同拥有某种独特的东西。也许它很平常，比如他们正在阅读同一本书，或在同一个镇出生。同时他们也认识到对方有某些特征可以与自己互补。

　　I happen to be one of those who was struck by the magic wand. Milt and I were married for 39 years, until his death in 1989. And all that time we experienced a love called a " feeling of fusion, of oneness," even while we continued to change, grow and fulfill our lives. 我本人就是被爱情这一魔杖击中的人。米尔和我在一起生活了39年，直到他1989年去世。我们的爱情可谓"水乳交融、合二为一的感情"。甚至当我们不断发生变化、逐步成熟以及共同走完生命的历程时，这种感情始终如一。

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