http://www.sina.com.cn 2008年08月07日 17:23   新浪教育

  Conversely, a mother who has a depressive personality, and is sometimes friendly but then suddenly turns cold and rejecting, may raise a man who becomes a dance-away lover. Because he's been so scared about love from his mother, he is afraid of commitment and may pull away from a girlfriend for this reason.


  While the mother determines in large part what qualities attract us in a mate, it's the father --the first male in our lives--who influences how we relate to the opposite sex. Fathers have an enormous effect on their children's personalities and chances of marital happiness.


  Just as mothers influence their son's general feelings toward women, fathers influence their daughter's general feelings about men. If a father lavishes praise on his daughter and demonstrates that she is a worthwhile person, she'll feel very good about herself in relation to men. But if the father is cold, critical or absent, the daughter will tend to feel she's not very lovable or attractive.


  What about opposites? Are they really attracted to each other? Yes and no. In many ways we want a mirror image of ourselves. Physically attractive people, for example, are usually drawn to a partner who's equally attractive.


  In addition, most of us grow up with people of similar social circumstances. We hang around with people in the same town; our friends have about the same educational backgrounds and career goals. We tend to be most comfortable with these people, and therefore we tend to link up with others whose families are often much like our own.


  However, there are instances where people of different social backgrounds end up getting married and being extremely happy. I know of one man, a factory worker from a traditional Irish family, who fell in love with an African-American Baptist. When they got married, their friends and relatives predicted a quick failure. But 25 years later, the marriage is still strong.


  Is there such a thing as" love at first sight" ? Why not? When people become love-struck, what happens in that instant is the couple probably discovers a unique something they have in common. It could be something as mundane as they both were reading the same book or were born in the same town. At the same time they recognize some trait in the other that complements their own personality.


  I happen to be one of those who was struck by the magic wand. Milt and I were married for 39 years, until his death in 1989. And all that time we experienced a love called a " feeling of fusion, of oneness," even while we continued to change, grow and fulfill our lives. 我本人就是被爱情这一魔杖击中的人。米尔和我在一起生活了39年,直到他1989年去世。我们的爱情可谓"水乳交融、合二为一的感情"。甚至当我们不断发生变化、逐步成熟以及共同走完生命的历程时,这种感情始终如一。


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