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高期望值和婚姻关系中的压力导致婚姻失败

http://www.sina.com.cn 2008年08月18日 11:29   沪江英语

  The juxtaposition of high expectations with the stress and cycles of relationships appears to be an important reason why many relationships don't work, said Ted Huston, a professor of human ecology and psychology at the University of Texas at Austin, who tracked 168 couples over 13 and a half years

  高期望值和婚姻关系中压力和周期循环的并存似乎是很多婚姻失败的一个重要原因,位于奥斯汀德州大学的人类生态学和心理学教授Ted Huston说道。他对168对夫妻进行了为期13年半的跟踪调查。

  Huston found that changes in the first two years of marriage often predicted the outcome of relationships. Almost half of divorces occur within the first seven years of marriage, according to national census data, and many of these "early exiters" report a decline in "bliss" right after marriage.

  Huston发现婚后最初两年的变化常常能够预言婚姻关系的最后结果。全国人口普查数据表明,近一半的

离婚发生在婚后的最初7年中,而这些"早退者"中又有很多说在婚后不久对婚姻的幸福感就有所降低。

  "When you look at them as newly-weds, they look like they are mutually enchanted and deeply in love and a prototype of your perfectly wed couple--they hug, kiss, say 'I love you' all the time," he said. "Two years later - they've lost a lot of that romance. They think, 'We once had this great romance, and now we don't.'"

  "观察一下新婚燕尔的夫妇生活,他们显得彼此迷恋,深陷情网,似乎是完美的结合-他们拥抱,亲吻, '我爱你 '不离口,"他说。"但是两年以后他们就已经失去了很多这种浪漫。他们在想,'我们曾经拥有浪漫,而现在却没有了。' "

  "People have this fairly unrealistic idea: 'I have got to have bliss and it's got to stay or this is not going to work,'" he said. "at some level, you don't need the bliss. The Hollywood romance may not be the prelude to a long-term happy marriage."

  "人们有着这样一种很不切实际的想法:'我必须得有幸福感,而且得一直有,否则我的婚姻就是不行的,' "他说。"其实在某些层次,你并不需要这种幸福感。好莱坞似的浪漫并不一定是长期、幸福的婚姻的序幕。"

  Couples who were happy over the long term reported being content at the start of relationships and still content two years later. Some of these couples told Huston, "'I wasn't sure I was in love because I didn't have the tingly feelings you are supposed to have,'" he said. "They worried their feelings were positive but not intense."

  International Herald Tribunal

  那些长相斯守的快乐夫妻在关系初建时就有一种满足感,而两年后也仍然彼此满意。他们中的一些人告诉Huston,"我并不能肯定我恋爱了,因为当时我并没有那种恋爱中似乎应该拥有的触电的感觉,' "他说。"他们当初还担心,尽管他们的感情是积极的,但似乎来得不够强烈呢。"

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