谁更有礼貌？

　　一个胖子和一个瘦子在争论谁更有礼貌。瘦子说他更有礼貌，因为他经常对女士摘帽示意。但是胖子认为他更有风度，因为无论什么时候他在车上给别人让座时，总有两位女士能坐下。

　　Expensive Price

　　Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth。

　　Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction。

　　Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office。

　　昂贵的代价

　　牙科医生：对不起，夫人，为给您的儿子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。

　　母亲：二十五美元！可是我知道您拔一颗牙只要五美元呀？

　　牙科医生：是的。但是您儿子这么大声地叫唤，他都吓跑四位病人了。

　　The Absent-minded Professor

　　Absent-minded Professor: Heavens! Someone stole my wallet!

　　Wife: Didn't you feel a hand in your pocket?

　　Absent-minded Professor: Yes, but I thought it was mine。

　　心不在焉的教授

　　心不在焉的教授：天哪！有人偷了我的钱包！

　　妻子：你难道没感觉到一只手伸进你的口袋？

　　心不在焉的教授：感觉到了，可我还以为那是我的手呢。

　　Three Turtles

　　Three turtles decided to have a cup of coffee. Just as they got into the cafe, it started to rain。

　　The biggest turtle said to the smallest one, " Go　home and get the umbrella."

　　The little turtle replied, "I will, if you don't drink my offee."

　　"We won't," the other two promised。

　　Two years later the big turtle said to themiddle turtle, "Well, I guess he isn't coming back, so we might as well drink his coffee."

　　Just then a voice called from outside the door, "If you do, I won't go."

　　三只乌龟

　　三只乌龟决定去喝咖啡。它们刚到咖啡店的门口，就下起雨来。于是最大的那只乌龟对最小的乌龟说，“回家去取伞吧。”

　　最小的乌龟说，“如果你们不把我的咖啡喝了，我就去。”

　　“我们不喝，”另外两只乌龟答应说。

　　两年后，大乌龟对中乌龟说，“好吧，我猜他肯定不回来了，我们可以把它的咖啡喝掉了。”

　　正在这时，一个声音从门外传来，“你们要是喝了，我就不去。”

　　Is He Really Ill?

　　On a hot summer day an elderly gentleman faints in the street. A small crowd immediately gathers around him。

　　"Give the poor man a glass of brandy," advises a woman. "Give him a heart massage, " says someone else。

　　"No, just give him some brandy," insists the woman. "Call an ambulance,"

　　yells another person。

　　"A brandy!" The man suddenly sits up and exclaims. "Shut up, everybody,and do as the kind lady says!"

　　他真病了吗？

　　在一个炎热的夏天，一位上了年纪的男子昏倒在街头。一群人立刻围了上去。

　　“给这个可怜的人一杯白兰地吧。” 一位女士建议。

　　“给他一点治心脏病的药。” 另外一个人说。

　　“不，还是给他一些白兰地，”那位女士坚持说。

　　“还是叫一辆救护车吧。” 有人叫道。

　　“一杯白兰地。”

　　这时地上的那个人坐了起来，嚷着，“都闭嘴，就照那位好心的太太说得去做！”

　　Great Event

　　Teacher: What great event happened in 1809?

　　Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln was born。

　　Teacher: Correct. And what great event happened in 1812?

　　Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln had his third birthday。

　　重大事件

　　老师：1809年发生了什么重大事件？

　　小威利：亚伯拉罕林肯诞生。

　　老师：正确。那么1812年发生了什么重要事件呢？

　　小威利：亚伯拉罕林肯过他的三周岁生日。