话说当贼也是需要天分的、当贼也是要好好下足功夫的。以下十佳笨贼的故事告诉了我们好多道理：比如“不打无准备的仗”啊，比如“不要一心二用”啊……在逗你发笑的时候也会让你多点反思吧！

　　1. Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia: Getaway car too small for heist

　　马来西亚吉隆坡：车太小、抢来钱也不够装

　　A lesson in the importance of planningahead: Two Malaysians stole US$1.3 million but had to leave half of itbehind because their van was too small to stash the loot。“The bags are quite big. I consider them quite stupid. Their planningwas very shortsighted,” said the deputy police chief, Shakaruddin CheMood。

　　凡事都要做好准备，以下故事就是好教训：一对马来西亚窃贼在盗取一百三十万美金之后被迫留下一半，原因是他们事先准备运钞的货车太小、根本装不下这些现钞。后来抓住他们的值班警员说：“他们的包挺大的，我觉得他们实在笨透了，他们的准备也太不充分了！”

　　小编：那谁说的“不打无准备的仗”，真是好有道理啊！

　　2. Kemaman, Malaysia: Spirit imprisons burglar for three days

　　马来西亚登加楼：鬼怪来帮忙、小偷得手也别想出门

　　Who needs a home alarm when you’ve got a ghoul for security? A Malaysian couple returned from vacation to find a serial burglar lying on their floor, famished, dehydrated and clasping his hands in apology. The criminal insisted that after hebroke into the house, a spirit blinded him and would not let him moveor scream for 72 hours。

　　如果你有鬼怪看门、谁还需要门警系统？一对马来西亚夫妇度假归来发现一个连续作案的窃贼躺在他家的地板上，已经饿得奄奄一息、还脱水。这名罪犯后坚称他破门之后被这家人屋里的鬼怪困住、整整72小时不许他动、也不准他叫。

　　小编：连鬼都看不下去了，可真是天网恢恢、疏而不漏啊！

　　3. Hubei province, China: Robber flushes diamond rings down the toilet

　　中国湖北：强盗把到手的钻石冲下马桶

　　Zhou broke into a wealthy home and foundtwo huge diamond rings. He decided they were too good to be true, so,like anyone with half a brain (yes, only half) he flushed them down thetoilet. The robber didn’t realize that the jewels were real until afterhe was caught. Poor thing was “unable to stop sighing repeatedly。”

　　这位周姓盗贼闯进一家富人家、发现了两枚巨大钻戒。他当下认定它们太好、看起来不像真的，所以，就如同所有只有半边脑子的人那样(是，只有半边脑子)，他把它们冲下了马桶。直到这名盗贼被抓、他才知道这些珠宝都是真的。这可怜的家伙“禁不住不停叹息”。

　　小编：想这笨贼自己肯定都恨死自己了，别的我们也不用多说。

　　4. Ningbo, China: Persistent burglar hides under bed for two days

　　中国宁波：笨贼毅力惊人、藏于床下两天！

　　Burglar Li is not one to give up easily.He snuck into a woman’s apartment and found nothing of value. So he hidunder her bed for two days, surviving on the sole apple in her fridge,until she returned. Li waited until she was asleep, stole her cell andmoney, and was promptly arrested。

　　李姓窃贼可不是那种轻易放弃的人。他溜进一间女子的公寓、发现没什么值钱东西。于是他躲藏在房间的床底、靠冰箱里一个苹果撑整整两天。直到主人归来，他才从床底爬出，偷了主人随身带的手机和现金。不过紧跟着就被抓住了。

　　小编：有如此毅力，背GRE考研究生、你干什么不好、非得干这个？

　　5. Laohekou, China: Drive-by robber nabs dog poo

　　中国老河口：飞车贼走了狗屎运

　　Mrs Chen was waiting to withdraw moneywhen her dog needed to deposit a “number two。” She wrapped up hisbusiness in newspaper and was ready to throw it away when twomotorcyclists screeched to a halt, wrestled the warm package from her grasp and sped away. Police investigated the case while “laughing atthe stupidity of the robbers。”

　　话说陈女士正准备取钱，她的宠物狗要便便。于是陈女士就顺手拿了报纸包裹起小狗的赃物。正当她要把这堆报纸扔掉，一对飞车贼从旁呼啸而过，将她手里的报纸一把抢走！警察随后抓住了飞贼，并笑得直不起腰来。

　　小编：这可是实实在在的狗屎运啊！不过运气在警察这边咯。

　　6. Shanghai, China: Man tries to avoid his nagging wife by getting arrested

　　中国上海：为躲“唐僧”老婆、老公宁愿被抓

　　29 year-old Linghua Wong decided the onlyway to escape his wife’s hen-pecking was by going to jail. Wong walked into a police station and lied about robbing someone, but authorities refused to believe him. He tried pointing a toy gun at a taxi driver,but the cabbie screamed and scared him away. After multiple bungles,Wong finally achieved his goal. He was locked away from his wife for four years。

　　29岁男子凌华望(音)认定躲避老婆唠叨的唯一方法就是去坐牢。凌先生去警察局自首、撒谎说自己抢劫了谁谁谁，但没人信；跟着他又拿玩具枪对着一名出租车司机，结果对方尖叫、反而吓跑了他自己。不过多次尝试之后他终于如愿以偿，被判入狱4年，总算有个清静时候了。

　　小编：完全理解。女同胞们注意素质，不然男人们就被逼走上犯罪的道路了。

　　7. Fujian, China: Suspect tries to avoid jail by faking a coma

　　中国福建：嫌疑犯为躲坐牢装昏迷

　　The day before his trial, a suspected rapist named Chen collapsed into unconsciousness. Doctors couldn’t figure outwhat was wrong until a surgeon loudly announced he was about to pokeChen with an XXL needle. The patient’s face twitched and moments later,he “miraculously” stood up。

　　在审判前一天，嫌疑强奸犯陈某突然昏迷。医生找不出他的犯病原因，不过当宣称要用超大号的针给他注射时，陈某面色扭曲、跟着就奇迹般的站了起来！

　　小编：装昏迷这种事儿只有小学生水准，太低级、实在太低级了！

　　8. Kumagaya, Japan: Bank robber asks for instructions and stabs self

　　日本琦玉县：抢劫犯咨询如何抢劫、还扎伤自己

　　A would-be robber went up to a teller and stammered, “Any idea how you rob a bank?” The staff asked the man to leave, and he meekly obeyed, but not before accidentally stabbing himself in the leg with his own knife。

　　一名抢劫犯走向银行柜员、支吾问道：“你、你知道要怎么抢劫吗？”职员当场要求这名男子离开。他听话正要离去，却被自己带来的刀不小心割伤……

　　小编：大哥，你第一次抢银行吧……没吃过猪肉、总见过猪跑。回家好好研究几部警匪片再来吧。

　　9. Fukuoka, Japan: Thief caught while trying to undo his Spider suit

　　日本福冈：窃贼在脱掉蜘蛛侠外套时被捕。

　　A resident returned to find a man dressed as Spider Man jumping out of his house. Police nabbed him as he struggled to remove his costume, which included pink arm warmers and a woman’s swimsuit。

　　一位房主回家时发现一个穿着蜘蛛侠衣服的小偷正跳出他的房子。当他挣扎着奋力脱掉自己身上的道具服时被警察逮个正着。这身衣服由粉红色的长手套和女生的游泳衣组成。

　　小编：你偷东西就好好偷东西，还玩什么化妆舞会嘛！？这故事教导我们真的不要一心二用。

　　10. Pakistan: Passport forger busted due to spelling mistakes

　　巴基斯坦：假护照制造者因拼写错误被捕。

　　Fazal Ur Rehman’s passport was a perfect copy. The only problem was the stamps had glaring spelling errors, such as “menistry” and “goverment。” The Pakistaninational was sentenced to eight months in jail for forgery. I hope heused the time to study the dictionary。

　　嫌犯Fazal Ur Rehman的假护照几乎是完美的。唯一的问题是护照上的印章有明显拼写错误，比如“menistry”和“goverment”。巴基斯坦政府判他因伪造罪入狱8个月，我真诚地希望他在狱中好好研究研究字典。

　　小编：话说那啥，没文化真可怕……