百谈不厌的十二条爱情忠告

　　One of the most common questions we hear is, "How do we make our relationship work?" The answers are complicated, varied, and, after a while, can start to sound like muddled platitudes. But these commonplace sayings get repeated because they work. With this in mind, we pulled together 12 cliches that, in fact, reveal simple, tried-and-true advice for having a healthy, happy relationship. Read on and let us know what you think:

　　我们常常听到这样的问题，“怎样才能让我们的爱情幸福？”答案很复杂，因人而异，讨论多了听上去也就是那些陈词滥调。但这些所谓的陈词滥调之所以一再重复，是因为它们确实有道理。因此，我们从中挑选了12条，它们揭示了拥有一份健康、幸福的爱情所需的简单而可靠的建议。读完这12条建议，告诉我们你的想法。

　　1. Mind your manners. "Please," "thank you" and "you're welcome," can go a long way in helping your partner remember that you respect and love him and don't take him for granted。

　　注意礼节。“请”、“谢谢你”、“不客气”这些话大有用处，它们可以让你的爱人清楚你尊敬并且爱着他/她，绝对不会忽视他/她。

　　2. Variety is the spice of life. Studies have shown that dullness can lead to dissatisfaction with a relationship. Trying something new can be as simple as visiting an unfamiliar restaurant or as grand as a backpacking trip through Sri Lanka. Discoveries you make together will keep you feeling close。

　　尝试改变，调剂生活。研究表明，无趣的生活会导致感情产生裂痕。尝试一些新鲜的东西，可以是到一家没去过的餐厅吃饭这样的小事，也可以是去斯里兰卡背包旅行这样的大计划。在这过程中你们二人共同的新发现会让你们的感情更加亲密。

　　3. The couple that plays together, stays together. Find a sport or hobby that you both love (no, watching TV does not count) and make that a priority in your relationship. Camping, biking, building model trains... whatever it is, find something you enjoy doing together。

　　能玩到一起的夫妻才长久。寻找一项你们二人都喜爱的运动或爱好(看电视可不能算)并把它作为你们生活中的优先选择。野营、骑车、制作火车模型… … 不管是什么，找到一种你们俩都喜欢做的事。

　　4. Fight right. In order to have productive arguments, keep these rules in mind. Don't call your spouse names. When things get really tough, take a break from the argument. Let the other person finish his/her sentences. Don't initiate a discussion when you're angry。

　　选择正确的吵架方式。为了不让你们的争吵恶化，记住这些规则。不要出口伤人。如果争吵太激烈，先停一会儿，让对方把话说完。不要在生气的时候开始一场讨论。

　　5. I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine. No one likes demands (unless you're in a BDSM role play)， but everyone can appreciate a compromise. If you want your lover to do something and you're not sure he'll be agreeable, the quickest way to avoid a confrontation is to sweeten the deal. For example: "Sure, I'll watch Monday Night Football if you take me to see the next movie of my choice."

　　礼尚往来。没有人喜欢总是满足别人的要求(除非你们在玩调教游戏)，但每个人都喜欢互惠互利。如果你想让你的爱人为你做点什么，而你又不确定他/她是不是愿意，那么避免冲突的最快方法就是给他/她点甜头。比如说：“没问题，我周一晚上陪你看足球赛，前提是你下次带我去看电影。”

　　6. Two heads are better than one. Being in a relationship basically means you've made a merger; you've not only joined assets but inherited the other's problems as well. Rather than looking at his problems as merely his own, tackle them together. For example, if he's gaining weight, rather than pushing him to diet on his own, enroll in an exercise program together。

　　两个人总比一个人好。一段爱情的本质是两个人的结合；你们不光拥有了共同的财产，同时也必须面对对方的问题。不要总把对方的问题看成是他/她一个人的问题，你们应该共同来解决。比如说，如果他长胖了，不要逼着他一个人节食，而应该两个人一起参加锻炼。

　　7. Distance makes the heart grow fonder. Maintain your own friendships and occasionally have a night out without your significant other. Doing things without your s.o. not only makes you miss him or her, it also keeps you sane. And, in case the relationship doesn't work out, you'll still have your friends。

　　适当的距离拉近心的距离。保持你自己的朋友圈，偶尔也可以抛下另一半出去住一晚。偶尔尝试没有另一半的生活不仅让你更想念他/她，还会让你保持理智。而且，万一你们的感情出了问题，你还有自己的朋友。

　　8. Sound it out. It other words: communicate! Talking out the tough subjects-money, religion, fidelity, raising kids-will not be the most fun you've had, but it'll be valuable。

　　有话就要说出来。换句话说：要沟通！把那些棘手的话题拿出来讨论，钱、宗教信仰、忠诚度、抚养孩子等等。这些讨论也许不那么有趣，但是很有价值。

　　9. Laughter is the best medicine. Learn to laugh at yourself and at silly mistakes. If he throws your $300 cashmere sweater in the dryer, laughing it off is, in the long run, better than getting angry. It's is just a $300 cashmere sweater, not the end of the world。

　　笑容是最好的良药。学会嘲笑自己和那些愚蠢的错误。如果他把你那件价值300美元的羊绒毛衣丢进了干衣机，笑笑就过去吧，总比发脾气要好。不过是毁了一件300美元的羊绒毛衣，又不是世界末日。

　　10. Keep your eyes on the prize. Yes, he forgot your co-worker's name for the tenth time, but it probably doesn't mean he doesn't care about you. If you keep your perspective fixed on the goal-to be in a happy, functioning partnership-you're less likely to get tangled up in every minor annoyance. Remember, you both want the same thing。

　　别斤斤计较。是的，他第十次忘记了你同事的名字，但这也许并不代表他不在乎你。如果你将自己的目标保持为拥有一段幸福、和谐的感情，你就不容易被每件琐事所烦扰。记住，你们的目标是一样的。

　　11. Quitters never win. Find a ritual and keep it alive, no matter what. Whether it's always kissing each other good night, renewing wedding vows every year, sleeping in as late as you want once a month or committing to having sex once a week, pick something that makes you both feel good and stick to it, even when you're tempted to skip。

　　不要半途而废。为你们俩定一种惯例，并且保持下去，不管是什么。无论是互相亲吻道晚安，每年都重温一次结婚誓言，每个月睡一次懒觉，或是保证每周一次夫妻生活，选择一种让你们俩都开心的事情并坚持下去，即使你偶尔会想放弃。

　　12. When the going gets tough, the tough get going... to therapy. Studies show that couples who seek counseling during rocky periods are more successful in resolving their issues than those who don't. Whether its from a religious figure, counselor or mental health professional, getting an expert to help sort out strife is as wise as forgoing self-installation and hiring a plumber to put in a new sink。

　　当婚姻出现问题时，就该接受治疗。研究表明那些在感情的困难时期寻求过咨询帮助的夫妻，在处理两人之间的问题时会更成功，不管这种咨询是来自宗教人士、顾问或是心理健康专家。请专业人士来帮忙处理争吵是明智的，就好像聘请一名水管工来安装一个新水槽，而不是自己折腾。