It’s a strange coincidence that I recently reconnected with three of my long-lost Chinese friends at almost the same time.
One of them lives in Shenzhen, Guangdong Province now, because she got a divorce.
Before I could reconcile to this news about her sudden change of events, two other friends also echoed the same word, "divorce."
My curiosity propelled me to probe deeper into the reasons behind what happened, since at one time their relationships were the epitome of soul mates.
After listening to their stories, I found a common thread to their painful separations. It was the fall from expectations.
When they started dating, everything appeared perfect, and the relationship was beautiful.
There was a deliberate attempt to "win" each other by doing whatever it takes to please the other. It was a time when they tried to show the best of themselves, and when they missed each other like crazy. Then they tied the knot. They became sure of each other, and all the excitement and suspense of the chase was over. They started showing their "real" selves.
Impatience, rudeness, bad tempers and possessiveness came to the surface.
These unexpected and unpalatable traits erupted like landmines as time passed by.
It is said that familiarity breeds contempt. The downside of this familiarity resulted in taking each other for granted.
They stated forgetting to give each other attention and respect. Slowly when compromise and patience gave way, they took that drastic step.
There are many lessons to learn from their unhappy endings. We all have offended our loved ones at one time or another by intruding into their personal space. Two people together are unique individuals in their own ways.
Sometimes persistent concern can be misconstrued as intrusion. So we have to be careful with our words and behaviors.
Some people are over-sensitive and emotional. It is not good to be insensitive to feelings of those closest to us.
We should not treat our significant other as extensions of ourselves and expect them to understand, accept and tolerate our irritable behavior.
It is much easier to change yourself than to expect others to change.