上海18个区县“一模”英语作文带来哪些启示
□浦东新区谢忠平英语教师培训基地、建平中学 徐峰
所谓“预则立，不预则败”，为更好地应对“二模考”乃至高考，亟需我们对“一模卷”作充分反思。为帮助高三学生有效掌握高考英语写作方法，笔者对全市18个区县的“一模卷”进行了整理、分析，最后惊讶地发现，虽然各区县作文形式上稍有不同，文体却惊人一致，都是描述文。由此便有必要对一模卷的描述文写作进行梳理归类。
18个区县“一模卷”作文文体有哪些？
第一类是观点表述，谈谈对某件事的看法。浦东新区、闵行、长宁、杨浦、普陀、崇明、青浦、卢湾和虹口九个区县都以此为作文主题，内容从学生作业负担过重到醉酒驾驶，到志愿者服务，不一而足。其中长宁和杨浦“不谋而合地一致”触及社会热点。可见，作文主题已从学校生活渐渐聚焦社会议题，这不能不引起注意。
第二类是写信。徐汇、松江(使用徐汇区试卷)、宝山、闸北和黄浦五个区以写信形式为作文要求，但信中内容终究还是谈对某件事的看法，如“本班的介绍和对新同学的要求或期望”、“回忆你高中生活中最难忘的点点滴滴，就他们即将开始的高中生活提出你的建议”、“火灾带来的危害和预防火灾的重要性”、“中国达人秀”。
第三类是图表。这次三个区的试卷以图表考核学生写作能力，但形式上略有不同：静安为柱状图、嘉定为图片、金山区则选择表格。
第四类是活动介绍。本次模考，奉贤区个性化地以活动介绍为作文形式。
评判作文质量的关键是什么？
尽管形式多样，但总的来说，主要提出两个要求。描写是其中之一，但描写在我们看来只是几句话带过的“述题”部分，仅为引子。重头戏是第二个要求，即要求考生看到事件背后的深刻主题而谈出些有哲理的观点，这才是评判作文质量的关键所在。下面两个例子可清楚说明这点。
例子一：请简要描述此事并就“是否应该鼓励大学生去探险”这个话题谈谈你的看法。(长宁区)；
例子二：对市民遛狗(walk the dog)的描述；自己养宠物的经历或社会上养宠物的情况；你对养宠物的看法。
而浦东新区在这方面的要求更为显豁。“阐述如何过生日更有意义。”
从本次考试学生作文呈现的情况来看，学生在审题和具有逻辑性地表达方面还是有不少问题的。下面我们就浦东新区作文如何进行审题和如何进行具有逻辑性地表达方面作一些分析。
Directions:Write an English composition in 120 - 150 words according to the instructions given below in Chinese. 每个人每年都会过生日。请你简要描述一下你通常是怎么过生日的，并阐述如何过生日更有意义。
很多同学对“有意义”这一概念感到困惑。何谓“有意义”？笔者认为做一件有意义的事，是指作者获得快乐、提高认知或给他人生活带来变化等，这些都可视为“有意义”。
写作思路：这篇作文从段落分布上说，主要有两层，比例以5/5或4/6为宜。
1.引入主题，简要描述通常如何过生日，因为是说通常情况，语言以一般现在时为宜，而非描述过去某个特定生日。
2。.阐述一下如何使生日过得更有意义。可以从自身出发，也可以泛泛而谈。
结尾段。将主旨稍加提炼，可以单独成段，也可以并入第二段。
本次“一模考”的作文命题给我们带来了深层的思考，如何让学生在掌握新的单词和语法的同时对于语言所体现的深层含义有更为精准的把握，这是摆在所有英语教师和专家面前的关键性问题。
下面我们提供两篇学生习作，供大家借鉴。
第一篇以从句的应用灵活、语言的哲理性取胜：
My birthday never means cakes capped with inviting icing or throwing a crazy party. Usually, a simple piece of cake is bought for my mother, not for me, for I want to thank her for bringing my life and soul to this world and honor the hardships she had been through during her pregnancy. I would also feel needed when part of my money is donated to charity on that day. My birthday-just an ordinary day-spells two words: respect and give.
Birthday should be extended to a deeper thinking of life. Days are gone when we were surrounded by those who loved us and were soaked in "happy birthday to you." Instead, it should be our turn to care about others with our respect and affection. No man can live in this society without being connected to others.
All we’ve gained is largely due to others’ devotion and sacrifice. Our birthday has provided us with a platform to pay back what we’ve taken for granted and cherish what we’ve obtained. Show your gratitude and respect; give a helping hand to those who are desperate for help. All that makes our world a better place will make our birthday meaningful and prove our being mature. That’s what birthdays are all about!
点评：
该文章首先符合题目要求，而且逻辑性很强，中心段紧紧扣住respect和 give两个字眼；再者，文中不乏精妙表达，如："throw acrazy party, honor the hardships, spell twowords, be extended to, be soaked in, takefor granted, be all about"；另外在从句应用上也十分出彩，如"pay back whatwe’vetaken for granted and cherish whatwe’veobtained；give a helping hand to those whoare desperate for help；That’swhat birth－days are all about! "；最值得一提的是该学生在字里行间所折射出的思想成熟之美和具有体悟生活的哲理之美。
可见该作者在平日语言学习中不仅懂得积累，懂得灵活运用，而且还使自己的眼光更加深邃，洞察社会的能力更加敏锐，对待生活的态度更加自然，面对人生的道路更加自信。这是篇高分作文。
第二篇的优势是语言平实而层次脉络清晰：
Everyone has his or her own birthday, so every year there is a special day for us to celebrate. Yet, how to observe it is a matter of personal taste。
Take myself as an example, when it comes to my birthday every year, my mum will reserve a big dinner in a restaurant. The whole family gather together, celebrating my birthday and wishing me a happy life and a successful future. Then we eat noodles which symbolize longevity. It seems like a happy day, but not necessarily a very meaningful one。
In my opinion, as it is a special day in our life, which means a step towards our growth, we should spend it in a more meaningful way. First of all, as it was our mum who gave birth to us years ago, with days passing by, it’s time for us to show our love and gratitude. We can do some housework or just say "Thank you for your care and love." Moreover, we should extend our concern to others who are in need of love and care. Also we can spend the day in the community helping old people or offering to take care of children。
Last but not least, the whole family can go on an excursion instead of having a big dinner. It’s a wonderful time to expose ourselves to nature。
In my view, it means much more to choose our own way to celebrate our birthday。
点评：尽管没有华丽的辞藻，没有复杂的句型，但行文流畅，层次清晰，是篇能效仿的好文章。这点提醒我们，只要懂得灵活应用，只要表达恰如其分，哪怕是基本词汇，通过非谓语动词和一些句型，亦能妙笔生花。可惜的是结尾戛然而止，有些流于平淡。
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