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　　研究新发现：每个父母都偏心

　　All parents tell their children little

　　whitelies from time to time. ‘Of course Father Christmascomes down the chimney!’ ‘Eat your spinach — you’llget as strong as Popeye.’ ‘No, I didn’t put that pound underyour pillow. It was the Tooth Fairy,’ ... and so on. It’s allpart of the magic of childhood。

　　However, there’s one fib that’s bigger than all theothers. It’s ‘I don’t have a favourite child.’

　　In his fascinating new book, The Sibling Effect: What BondsAmong Brothers and Sisters Reveal About Us, Jeffrey Kluger, afather of two daughters, aged eight and ten, claims that ‘95percent of parents in the world have a favourite child — and theother 5 percent are lying.’

　　Kluger may be exaggerating the figures for dramatic effect — butdespite every parent’s vehement denial that they have afavourite child — scientific research shows that he is not far offthe truth。

　　According to one recent study by researchers from the Universityof California — which followed 384 sibling pairs and their parentsfor three years — 65 percent of the mothers and 70 percent offathers exhibited a preference for one child. As this was amongfamilies that knew they were being monitored, there’s a strongpossibility the true figures could be significantly higher。

　　Favouritism is certainly a controversialtopic. When raised as a subject for discussion on parentingwebsites, it always elicits a stream of outrage and angrydenials。

　　But interestingly, a lot of personal anecdotes appear fromparents who say they were overshadowed by a favoured sibling, orwere, indeed, their mother or father’s favourite. It seems everyoneknows favouritism exists — but nobody wants to put their hand upand say they’re guilty of it themselves。

　　Other research, where siblings have been asked to say who theirmother and father favour, suggests that mothers do tend to a show apreference for their first-born son, but fathers often

　　dote

　　on

　　their youngest daughters。

　　Parents will often be drawn to the child who is easiest to getalong with — or the child that shares similar traits to them. Forexample, mum will have a special bond with her sensitive,

　　arty son, while dad lavishes attention onhis sporty daughter。

　　Professor Scott says being least favoured in a family can

　　colour our behaviour as adults. ‘Childrenwho feel they are less loved within their family are more likely todevelop low self-esteem, anxiety and depression.’

　　But some experts believe being less favoured can have positiveconsequences. Professor Scott agrees that favoured children cansometimes find life difficult when they have to

　　rubalong in the real world。

　　所有的父母都会时不时地告诉孩子一些善意的小谎言。“圣诞老人当然是从烟囱里下来了！”“把你的菠菜吃了——你会像大力水手一样强壮的。”“不，我没有把那一英镑放在你的枕头下。是牙仙干的。”诸如此类。这都是童年神奇色彩的一部分。

　　然而，有一个谎言比所有其他谎言都要大。这就是“我没有对哪个小孩偏心”。

　　在他引人入胜的新书《同胞效应：兄弟姐妹纽带大揭秘》中，杰弗里•克鲁格称，“世界上95%的父母都有偏爱的孩子——而其他5%是在说谎。”克鲁格有两个女儿，分别是8岁和10岁。

　　克鲁格可能是为了戏剧化效果夸大了数字，不过尽管每个父母都强烈否认自己有特别偏爱的小孩，但科学研究显示，克鲁格所说的离真相并不远。

　　根据加利福尼亚大学研究人员的一项新研究，65%的母亲们和70%的父亲们都表现出对某个小孩的偏心。该研究在三年间跟踪调查了384名有兄弟姐妹的孩子和他们的父母。因为这些家庭知道他们正受到监视，所以极有可能真实的比例还要大得多。

　　偏心确实是一个备受争议的话题。当育儿网站将偏心作为讨论的话题时，总会有许多愤慨的父母生气地表示否认。

　　不过，有趣的是，许多父母在讲述自己的个人经历时会提到自己曾因为兄弟或姐妹更受父母宠爱而受冷落。似乎每个人都知道偏心的存在，但没有人愿意举手承认自己也偏心。

　　其他研究让有兄弟姐妹的孩子们说出父母更宠爱谁，结果显示，母亲一般更宠爱她们的大儿子，而父亲则往往更宠爱他们的小女儿。

　　父母们通常会更愿意接近那些相处起来最轻松的小孩，或是和自己有相近特质的小孩。例如，母亲也许和她那个敏感、喜欢附庸风雅的儿子特别亲近，而父亲则会十分关注自己爱好运动的女儿。

　　斯科特教授说，在家里被冷落会影响我们成年后的行为。“那些感觉自己在家中没人疼的小孩更可能出现自卑、焦虑和抑郁情绪。”

　　不过一些专家认为，不受宠也会带来积极的影响。斯科特教授承认，当受宠的孩子不得不在现实世界中勉强度日时，有时会感到人生很艰难。