“有一个认识的女孩对我说，如果她的父母那样做的话，她就跟他们断绝关系，”莎宾说。“我觉得那是无法接受的。”

　　“朋友们会对这个感到好奇，”她说。“我以前在公立学校的一个朋友问我，有个变性父母是什么感觉。这种问题让我不太舒服。”

　　但大部分的朋友都表示支持。

　　莎宾说，她6 岁的妹妹比自己的处境要好些，因为母亲变成男人的时候她还很小。

　　“她说有些男人很特别，天生并不是男人。有些女人也很特别，天生并不是女人。还有些人既不是男孩，也不是女孩。”莎宾说。

　　她承认这种过渡非常不容易，但她建议有同样遭遇的孩子们要有耐心。

　　“时间长了，慢慢就会变好，而且无论你的父母怎样改变，他们还是原来的那个人。”莎宾说。“只不过，可能会变得更快乐。”

　　When Sabine Bartlett was 13 her mother, who had been divorcedfrom her father for a decade, transitioned from female to male。

　　Even though Sabine had grown up in a Unitarian Church withlots of gender and sexual diversity, Sabine knew little about beingtransgender。

　　Now 16 and living in Somerville, Mass., Sabine remembers hermother was "never particularly feminine," but began to "present asmore butch."

　　"I came home from a trip with to my Dad's house and mom sat medown on the couch and told me she was going to transition," shesaid. "It's hard to face the fact that someone who is close to youchanges at all -- especially a change that big."

　　An estimated 750,000 Americans identify as transgender --about .3 percent of the population, according to the WilliamsInstitute, an LGBT think tank at the UCLA Law School。

　　A National Transgender Discrimination Survey of nearly 6,000respondents revealed that about 38 percent were parents and atleast 18 percent had at least one dependent child。

　　The 2011 survey was conducted by the National Center forTransgender Equality。

　　Transgender parents say that finding their true identity canbe lifesaving for them, but at the same time, devastating for theirchildren -- at least for a period of time。

　　"At first I felt a sense of loss, until a year later, when Isaw that my mom was a much happier person," said Sabine. "Now, I amcool with this."

　　Just last week, New York City's Mel Wymore, a transgender manwho is running for city council, discussed the difficulty his twochildren had during his transition from female to male in 2009.

　　"We have had very deep conversations and some negotiationsaround what makes them comfortable," he told the New York Times,adding the children are still allowed to call him, "Mom."

　　But Dana Beyer, a former surgeon who has run twice forMaryland state delegate, said, "Time heals all wounds if you allowit to."

　　Beyer hopes to be the nation's first elected transgenderpolitician at the state level。

　　"I am trying as an advocate to normalize this as anothermedical condition," said Beyer, 60, who was born intersex [with asmall penis and a partial uterus] and raised a boy. "No one knewwhat that meant then."

　　She had known since the age of 7 she was a girl, and likeothers who felt trapped in the wrong body, Beyer said she sufferedfrom depression and even post-traumatic stress。

　　Beyer transitioned a decade ago when her sons were 14 and17.

　　"The younger boy living at home at time no problem and thiswashed off his back," she said. "My older son was away at schooland didn't observe the process and was little more uptight."

　　At graduation, her older son couldn't introduce his father,now a woman, to his friends。

　　The brothers wondered if his father's transgenderism meantthey were gay. "It's an existential issue," said Beyer. "My fatherbecomes my mother -- what does that mean for me?"

　　So she matter-of-factly asked them, "OK, guys, do you likeboys or girls? … It turns out they were straight guys."

　　Now both boys are accepting of her new identity, calling her,"Dana."

　　"Secrecy is the most damaging thing," said Beyer. "You need tolet them know you love them and it has nothing to do with them, butyou can't hide it. Kids know if you are lying."

　　Other parents say that taking on a new identity came at a hugecost。

　　Sarah, not her real name, lost her job, a respectable life inthe suburbs and her children when she transitioned from male tofemale。

　　"I lost pretty much everything," said the 50-year-old Bostonwaitress. "I had the American dream. A house with an in-groundpool, I was politically active and president of the Chamber ofCommerce."

　　But the hardest was the loss of her children -- a 27-year-olddaughter from a first marriage and a 17-year-old daughter and16-year-old son from a second marriage。

　　"I never really understood my sexuality growing up," she said."I didn't know what gay and transgender were. I thought, 'Oh mygod, this is sick.' It was a major taboo in my generation."

　　Still, Sarah knew something was wrong. "I imagined beingfemale, I was jealous of girls in dresses and I always kept it tomyself. I lived in a male world and thought this is what I have tobe."

　　As a man, his world revolved around his children. "I was veryclose to them. My marriage was on the rocks, but I wanted children-- I loved them so much."

　　Sarah eventually became depressed and attempted suicide. Whenthe marriage fell apart, Sarah's wife served her with an order ofprotection and the court revoked her rights as a parent。

　　Sarah said the children were "scared and devastated" andaligned themselves with their mother。

　　Now, after facial feminization surgery in 2007 and sexreassignment surgery in 2009, Sarah said she has found innerhappiness, but her heart still aches for her children。

　　"I will always be there for them when they want me," she said."I just sit here and wait. It's all I can do. Everyone believes itwas a very selfish act, maybe so in some way, but it was life ordeath for me."

　　For other transgender parents, one child was accepting andanother sibling was not。Teen Daughter Rebels Against TransgenderMother

　　Hunter Thompson, a 56-year-old divorced acupuncturist fromMaryland, raised four children before he transitioned from femaleto male in 2006.

　　His oldest daughter, who was 27 at the time, was "fine" with thenews. But his 17-year-old daughter "freaked out."

　　As a girl, Thompson always played with the boys and felt like aboy until puberty. "Everything went haywire for me," he said. By18, Thompson contemplated suicide。

　　He married in college and had his first child before graduation.Two sons and another daughter followed。

　　"The only thing that made it OK to be female was I could producemale children," he said. "I always knew inside that I wasmale."

　　First he changed his name then he had hormone therapy. Now, he'shad chest surgery and even changed his birth certificate。

　　"It was fantastic for me -- I started to be who I am," he said.But it was also a difficult time dealing with his children。

　　"My oldest was fine," said Thompson. "She was old enough tounderstand that I needed to be who I was."

　　He held off on telling his son, who was serving in Iraq. But hissecond daughter worried, "What will I tell my friends, what if Iget married?"

　　She wondered, "What does this make me? Here I am female and mymother is telling me she is male. Does that make me some kind offreak?"

　　"She is fine now, but there were two years that were rough forher," said Thompson。

　　His youngest son still lives at home and the family getstogether at holidays. The children now agree to call him "Hunter"in public。

　　"At home they call me Mom, that's fine," he said. "But it's gotto be in private."

　　To other parents in transition, Thompson advises, "Be clear inwho you are -- I really think that goes a long way. In thebeginning I was terrified … But I was able to stand and say this isright for me and hopefully they will go down this road with me.Just be honest."

　　As for Sabine, even though she is homeschooled and lives in aliberal "bubble," she has faced the harsh judgment of her peersbecause of her mother's transgenderism。

　　"There was one girl I knew who told me if her parents did that,she would disown them," said Sabine. "I thought that wasunacceptable."

　　"Friends can be weird about it," she said. "One friend I used togo to public school with asked me what it was like to have atransgender parent. That was a little strange."

　　Still most of her friends have been supportive。

　　Sabine said her sister, now 6, had an easier time because shewas so young when her mother became a man。

　　"She says that there are some special men who weren't born menand some special women who weren't born women, and there are someother people who aren't boys or girls," said Sabine。

　　She admits transition is hard, but advises other children in thesame situation to be patient。

　　"It usually gets easier after a while and, despite the changes,your parent will always be the same person," said Sabine. "Only,maybe a bit happier."

上一页 1 2 下一页