Cat Fancy 机器猫

　　By Louis Strack

　　筱可 选注

　　偶尔会见媒体有报，说某某国家的某个科学狂人正在克隆人，所幸每次似乎都是虚惊一场。科学带给人类的有进步，也有灾难，这已是不争的事实。希望类似下文这样的惨剧在现实中永远不会发生。

　　I'm telling you, Johnson, this is going to be the biggest development in animal-imitative cybernetics since Hayes pioneered the field way back in 2014.1 Everybody's going to want a piece of my discovery! The military, all the megacorps, the private sector.2 Everyone! Even United States of Earth Defense!3 I'm going to be the richest man alive!

　　I can see you don't share my enthusiasm yet. Just wait, old friend. Accompany me to my lab, and we will see who has the last laugh. You'll be begging me to take you on as a lab assistant after I ?Oh, here we are. You first, my good man. Just get the lights there on your left and go on in.

　　You see, I had already come up with the perfect cybernetic engine, capable of mimicking any life form.4 The question was, which creature would be the best showcase of my discovery? Humans and apes are overdone;5 you might remember Liebovitz's android6 last year that got everyone all excited? Yeah, I agree. Damn snake-oil salesman7 is all he turned out to be! His "miracle man" couldn't remember its own name after a week. But this is different, because I've utilized a life form nobody's considered for cybernetics. It is powerful, graceful, intelligent, and best of all people love it. I chose the tiger!

　　Go ahead and pull away that dust-cloth there. Go on, have a peek! Ha! Don't look so startled, Johnson. I leave it powered down when I'm not testing it. It is rather imposing8, though, if I may say so. Yes, all the latest technology, including claws I had made from vanadium alloy.9 Cuts through steel like it's wet cardboard. Omni-directional piston ligaments, the finest photometric ocular devices I could find, and a cybernetic neural interface, which exactly mirrors a Bengal tiger. The one in New Planetary zoo, actually.10 The process that I used to get its mind in the computer will be enough to ensure me fame and fortune, but when they see the magnificent machine I've built to house this mind ?

　　Huh? It did move, didn't it? I guess I left it on yesterday. No, don't look so nervous. I can shut off its main power circuitry with this remote right here.11 Nothing to worry about. No, it won't do anything like that. No, I really don't think it's sizing you up for a meal.12 Be reasonable, old ?Oh, God! Johnson! The remote, where is it? Where?! Gotta find it quick, before it turns on me ?

　　Ah, there we go! Too late to save Johnson, though. What a pity. Let's just take the power cells out of the thing. Better safe than sorry. There! God, what a mess. Even worse, I can't call the police now, the bad publicity would overshadow my breakthrough, and definitely frighten the investors. I've got to get rid of the body secretly, somehow. I could bury it, but I might be seen. I could burn it, but the smoke would be awfully suspicious. What to do? What to ?

　　I wonder... How fast can this cat eat?13

　　1. 我告诉你，Johnson，这将是自Hayes于2014年开创了动物模拟控制学以来这个领域最大的一项进展。cybernetics: 控制论。

　　2. 军队、所有公司巨头、还有私企。megacorps: = mega-corporations, 即“超大型公司”，mega-是前缀，表示“巨大的”。

　　3. 甚至地球防御联合国。这是一个杜撰的机构。

　　4. 你知道，我已发明了完美的控制引擎，它可以模拟任何形式的生命。mimick: 模仿，学……的样子。

　　5. 人和类人猿早已被用滥了。

　　6. android: 机器人，人形自动机。

　　7. snake-oil:(江湖郎中声称可治疗风湿、感冒、秃发等疾而实无疗效的)蛇油，万灵油。snake-oil salesman即招摇撞骗的江湖贩子。

　　8. imposing: 壮观的，不凡的。

　　9. 是啊，用的全都是最新的技术，连爪子我都是用钒合金做成的。vanadium: 钒；alloy: 合金。

　　10. 全向活塞纽带、我能找到的最好的光视觉装置、还有可控制的中性界面，这些都完全模拟了孟加拉虎，就是新星系动物园里的那只。omni-directional: 全向的；piston: 活塞； ligament: 纽带，联结物； photometric: 光度学的，光测量的；ocular: 视觉的，像眼睛的；interface: 界面。

　　11. 我可以用这个遥控器关闭它的主电路系统。circuitry: 电路系统。

　　12. 不，我真的觉得它没有把你当美餐打量的意思。size up: 估价，品评。

　　13. 不知道……这老虎(吃人)吃得有多快？cat: 因虎属猫科，故有此说。这里意思是文中的独白者想干脆让机器虎把Johnson的尸体吃掉，借以掩饰自己的发明失败的真相。

　　编辑：趴趴