| 1：ACTIVE LISTENING |
| http://www.sina.com.cn 2003/11/06 22:37 中图读者俱乐部 |
 |
主动地听
PROVERB谚语 Counseling is to lend your ears. 心理咨询就是出租你的耳朵。 Listening and responding carefully may be the sincerest form of flattery. 认真听别人说话并做出合适的反应，可能是最真诚的恭维方式。 There is no one so deaf as the one who will not listen. 最聋的人是那些不听别人说话的人。 The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.
Ralph Nichols 理解与被理解是人类的最基本的需要之一。理解人们的最佳途径是听他们说话。
鲁道夫·尼古拉斯
COMPARATIVE DIALOGUE比较式对话 Dialogue 1: "What do they think we are?" 他们把我们当成什么了？ Scene 1 Foreman: Hey, Al, I hate this new production order. We really can't handle this today. What do they think we are? Supervisor: But that's the order. So carry it out as soon as you can. We're under terrific pressure this week. Foreman: Don't they know we're already under great pressure to catch up the schedule? Supervisor: Look, Kelly, I don't decide what goes on upstairs. I just have to see that the work gets out and that's what I'm gonna do. Foreman: The guys aren't gonna like this. Supervisor: That's something you'll have to work out with them, not me. Scene 2 Foreman: Hey, Al, I hate this new production order. We really can't handle this today. What do they think we are? Supervisor: Sounds like you're pretty sore about it, Kelly. Foreman: I sure am. We were just about getting back to schedule. Now this comes along. Supervisor: As if you didn't have enough work to do, huh? Foreman: Yeah, I don't know how I'm gonna tell the guys about this. Supervisor: Hate to face them with it now, is that it? Foreman: I really do. They're under a real strain today. Seems like everything we do around here is rush. Supervisor: I guess you feel like it's unfair to load anything more on them. Foreman: Well, yeah. I know there must be plenty of pressure on everybody up the line, butwell, if that's the way it is ... guess I'd better get the word to them. 场景1 领班:埃尔,我恨透了这项新的生产命令，我们今天实在做不下去了，他们把我们当成什么了？ 督导:但那既然是命令，你就得尽快执行它。这个星期我们的压力很大。 领班:难道他们不知道我们为了赶上进度表已经面临很大的压力了吗? 督导:你看，凯力，上头领导的事情我做不了主。我是来监督生产任务的，那才是我的事。 领班:工人们不会乐意接受这项新的生产命令的。 督导:那是你的工作，不是我的。 场景2 领班:埃尔，我恨透了这项新的生产命令，我们今天实在做不下去了，他们把我们当成什么了？ 督导:你听起来似乎很恼火，凯力。 领班:显然是这样，我们已经快要赶上进度表了，谁知道又来了这项新命令。 督导:好像他们觉得你没有太多事可干似的，对不对？ 领班:没错，我不知道该如何告诉工人们这件事情。 督导:你不愿意面对他们，是吗？ 领班:真是如此。他们今天的压力太大了。好像这里做的每一件事情都让人疲于奔命。 督导:再给他们施加压力，你觉得有点不公平，对吗？ 领班:是的。我知道生产线上的每个人都有很大的压力，不过情况就是这个样子了，我还是跟他们谈谈吧。 Dialogue 2: "My father doesn't like me."我父亲不喜欢我。 Jessica: "I had to miss classes last week because my father had been in a serious car accident. He was on the way home and a truck driver fell asleep at the wheel and swerved right /into/ him. It was really awful." Patrick: "You sound very upset." Jessica: "I am. All the way to the hospital, I kept worrying about whether he was okay. The worst thing is that he had already had several bad things happen go him. His third wife had recently left him, he lost money in the stock market, and his dog died." Patrick: "You're concerned about him because of all the things that have happened lately." Jessica: "Yeah, he doesn't have much will to live, and I don't know what to do for him. I try to be there, but he doesn't really seem to care." Patrick: "It hurts that he doesn't notice you." Jessica: "Yeah, I have always tried to please my father. I always felt like I couldn't do enough to make him happy. I think he preferred my brother. My father just never valued what I did. I don't know if he liked me very much." Patrick: "Wow, that's really painful. I wonder if you're angry too?" Jessica: "Yeah, I am. What's wrong with me that my father wouldn't like me? I think I'm a pretty nice guy." Jessica: "上个星期我没有上课，我爸爸遇到了一场严重的交通事故。他驾车回家的时候被一辆卡车撞了。卡车司机驾车时竟然睡着了，这简直是太可怕了。" Patrick: "你看起来很伤心。" Jessica: "是的。去医院的路上，我一直很担心他能不能挺住。最坏的是，最近接二连三地有好几件倒霉的事情发生在他身上。他的第三任妻子离开了他，他炒股时赔了钱，他的狗死了。" Patrick: "最近发生的这些事情让你很担心。" Jessica: "嗯，他失去了活着的信念，我不知道能为他做些什么。我赶去看他，但他似乎对我很冷淡。" Patrick: "他的冷淡让你很伤心。" Jessica: "对，我一直努力讨好我父亲。可我觉得不管做多少事情，总是难以让他高兴起来。我觉得他很喜欢我哥哥，却从来不在乎我做的事情，我不知道他是不是喜欢我。" Patrick: "那真是很让人痛苦。你是不是感到有些生气？" Jessica: "是的。父亲不喜欢我，我究竟做错了什么？我觉得我挺优秀的。"
SKILL交流技巧 You can let other people do what you want to do or en courage them go on talking through active Listening, which constitutes three techniques: 1) Paraphrase the speaker's thoughts (State what you think the speaker meant in your own words), 2) Express understanding of the speaker's feelings, and, 3) Ask questions for clarification. 通过主动地听别人讲话，你可以让别人去为你做事情，也可以鼓励谈话者继续谈下去。这包括三种技巧: 1)重复谈话者的意思(用你自己的话把谈话者的意思表达出来);2)表示对谈话者在感情上的理解;3)提问题以寻求进一步的解释。
FURTHER ANALYSIS深入分析 Consider the following exchange: Dialogue 3: SPEAKER: I can't believe I have to redo this entire budget report. I really worked hard on this project and now I have to do it all over again. LISITENER 1: That's not so bad; most people find they have to redo their first report. That's the norm here. LISITENER 2: So what? You're getting paid by the hour, so what do you care? LISITENER 3: You should be pleased that all you have to do is a simple rewrite. Peggy and Michael both had to completely redo their entire projects. LISITENER 4: You have to rewrite that report you've worked on for the last three weeks? You sound really angry and frustrated. All four listeners are probably trying to make the speaker feel better. But they go about it in very different ways and, we can be sure, with very different results. Listeners 1 and 2 try to lessen the significance of the rewrite. This wellintended response is extremely common but does little to promote meaningful communication and understanding. Listener 3 tries to give the situation a positive spin. With these responses, however. All three listeners are also suggesting that the speaker should not be feeling the way be or she does. Listener 4's response, however, is different from the others.Listener 4 uses active listening, which is a process of sending back to the speaker what you as a listener think the speaker meant-both in content and in feelings. Active listening, then, is not merely repeating the speaker's exact words, but rather putting together your understanding of the speaker's total message. Active listening serves several important functions: 1) Through active listening you let the speaker know that you acknowledge and accept his or her feelings. In the sample responses given, the first three listeners challenged the speakers feelings. The active listener (Listener 4), who reflected back to the speaker what he thought, accepted what the speaker was feeling. 2) In addition to accepting the speaker's feelings, Active listening also explicitly identifies them. As listener 4 says, "You sound angry and frustrated,"allowing the speaker and opportunity to correct the listener. 3) Active listening stimulates the speaker to explore feelings and thoughts. Listener 4's response encourages the speaker to elaborate on her feelings. This exploration also helps the speaker to deal with his or her feelings through this opportunity to talk them through. 思考下列对话: 对话3: 说者:我简直不敢相信，我必须把整个财务预算报告重新做一遍。我在这个项目上已经费尽心思了，现在我还得重复所有的工作。 听者1:那不算太糟糕，许多人都得重新做第一次报告。这已经成为这里的规律了。 听者2:那又怎样？你的工资是按照小时计算的，你在乎这些干嘛？ 听者3:你应该高兴才是，不过简单地把报告重写一遍罢了，上次Peggy和Michael还得必须重做整个项目呢！ 听者4:过去三个星期做出来的报告现在必须重做？你看上去很生气和失望。 这四个听者可能都想让说者感到好受些。但是他们采取的方式大不一样，获得的效果也肯定大不一样。听者1和2尽量削减重做报告的重要性。这种好心的反应在日常交流中可以经常听到，但是对促进有效的交流和理解却于事无补。听者3尽量从另一个角度来肯定地看待这种情况。但是这三个听者所做出来的三种反应似乎都在暗示说者:她不该有那种感觉。 听者4的反应却和其他人不同。他扮演了一个主动的听众，主动听别人说话是一个听者解释他对说者话的理解的过程，这种理解既是内容上的又是感情上的。主动地听别人说话并不是简单地重复说者的话，而是在听者提供的信息里面加入你的理解。 主动地听别人说话有下面几个功能: 1)它可以让说者感到你理解并接受她或他的感情。上面分析的例子当中，前三个听者都没有接受说者的感情。听者4主动地反馈他的想法，接受了说者的感情。2)除了接受听者的感情之外，主动地听还清楚地表示了对说者感情的认同。如听者4所说的"你看上去很生气和失望"，给说者提供了纠正听者意见的机会。3)主动地听能够激发说者继续探究她的感情和想法。听者4鼓励说者进一步解释她的感情。这种探究使说者有机会宣泄感情。 Active listeners put themselves in the speakers place in an effort to understand the speakers feelings. To achieve this, active listeners rely heavily on paraphrase. Looking at the following two examples to understand paraphrasing in depth. Person 1: I am so angry at my mother. Person 2: If I'm not mistaken, you areshavingstrouble with your mother. Is that right? Person 1: My boss is really trying to fire me. Person 2: If I understand you, you believe your boss is out to replace you. Person 1: I envy those guys so much. Person 2: You mean you're jealous of the people in that group? 为了理解说者的感情，主动的听者常常将自己放到说者的角度看问题。为了做到这一点，主动的听者经常重复听者的意思。阅读下面三组例子，深入认识一下这种方法。 甲:我对我妈发火了。 乙:如果我没弄错的话，你和你妈妈之间有麻烦，对吗? 甲:我的老板想要解雇我。 乙:如果我听明白了的话，你觉得你老板要另找人替代你的工作了。 甲:我非常羡慕那些人。 乙:你是说你非常羡慕那一个团队里的人吗？ In summary, when you listen actively, you listen for total meaning, and you listen insgroupsto respond to feelings. When you listen actively, the following statements will not appear in your conversation: "You must do ..." "You should do ..." "You're wrong!" "Let me tell you what to do." "You sure have a funny way of looking at things." "You're making a big mistake." "The best answer is ..." "Don't worry about it." "That reminds me of the time I ..." 概括来讲，主动的听者不错过任何含义，他们为了对感情做出反馈而听。如果你要做一个主动的听者，在谈话中避免使用下面这些表达方式: "你必须……" "你应该……" "你错了……" "让我告诉你该怎么做……" "你看事情的眼光真有意思……" "你犯了一个很大的错误……" "最好的答案是……" "别担心这个。" "这让我想起了有一次……" Change the format to avoid sounding like a machine. Speakers often feel very irritated when listeners sound like parrots repeating the same phrases over and over. Variations that you could try include the following: "It sounds like you feel ..." "Perhaps you feel ..." "If I were you, I would feel ..." "I wonder if you feel ..." "You seem ..." "So you're feeling ..." "And that made you feel ..." 为了避免听起来像个机器，有必要更换反应的方式。否则说话的人会觉得你说话像个鹦鹉而感到反感。下面这些表达就包含了一些差异: "你听起来好像感到……" "你可能觉得……" "如果我是你，我会觉得……" "我怀疑你是否感到……" "你好像……" "因此你觉得……" "那让你觉得……" Five Types of Difficult Listeners 五种让人困惑的听者 Here, in brief, are a few types of listeners that make conversation difficult. Its easy to see others in these roles. Its harder to see ourselves as listeners who make conversation difficult. 1. The static listener gives no feedback, remains relatively motionless, reveals no expression. You wonder, am I not producing sound? 2. The waiting listener listens for a cue to take over the speaking turn. You may wonder, is he listening to me or rehearsing his next interruption? 3. The thoughtcompleting listener listens a little and then finishes your thought. He already knows what Im going to say. You may feel angry, he has no right to speak for me! 4. The monotonous feedback giver seems responsive but the responses never vary; regardless of what you say, the response is the same. You wonder, am I making sense? 5. The overly expressive listener reacts to just about everything with extreme responses. You may wonder, didnt I say anything that provocative. 下面所列的几种听者常常让谈话难以进行，观察别人，我们很容易发现这些类型。但是如果你自己是这样，则很难意识到。 1.毫无反应式。这种听者不给任何反馈，端坐不动，面无表情。你会感到困惑，我说话有声音吗？ 2.守株待兔式。寻找插话的时机接过话茬。你会感到困惑，他是在听我说话，还是在准备插话？ 3.替人说话式。总是好像知道别人下面要说的内容，替别人把话说完。你会感到生气，他没有权力替我说话！ 4.反应单一式。不管你说了什么，他总是做出同样的反应你会感到困惑，难道我说的话没什么意义吗？ 5.反应过激式。对说的每一句话做出的反应都很夸张。你会感到困惑，难道我说的每一句话都那么煽情吗？
SELFTEST自测题 How Do You Listen? Instructions: Respond to each question with the following scale: 1=always 2=frequently 3=sometimes 4=seldom 5=never 1. I listen by participating; I interject comments throughout the conversation. 2.I listen to what the speaker is saying and feeling. I try to feel what the speaker feels. 3. I listen without judging the speaker. 4. I listen to the literal meanings that a speaker communicates that a speaker communicates; I dont look too deeply /into/ hidden meanings. 5. I listen with minimal participation; I generally remain silent and take in what the other person is saying. 6. I listen objectively; I focus on the logic of the ideas rather than on the emotional meaning of the message. 7. I listen critically, evaluating the speaker and what the speaker is saying. 8. I look for the hidden meaning; the meanings that are revealed by subtle verbal or nonverbal cues. Explanation: These statements focus on the ways of listening discussed in this chapter. All ways are appropriate at times and all ways are inappropriate at times. It depends. So, the only responses that are really inappropriate are "always" and "never" responses. Active listening is listening that is appropriate to the specific communication situation. Review these statements and try to identify situations in which each statement would be appropriate and situations in which each statement would be inappropriate. |
| 【英语学习论坛】【评论】【大 中 小】【打印】【关闭】 |
北京市通信公司提供网络带宽