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Elements to Be a Successful

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¡¡¡¡If discussion-based groups are to be crucibles for democratic processes and mutual growth,sgroupsmembers need to practice certain dispositions. There are many such dispositions worth considering. Those that are particularly important for us are hospitality, participation, mindfulness, humility, mutuality, appreciation, hope, and verbal sensitivity.

¡¡¡¡Hospitality

¡¡¡¡Parker Palmer writes about hospitality as one of the foundations for good dialogue. By hospitality he means an atmosphere in which people feel invited to participate.

¡¡¡¡Hospitality implies a mutual receptivity to new ideas and perspectives and willingness to question even the most widely accepted assumptions. There is nothing soft about hospitality. It does not mean that standards are lowered or that heightened concern for one another is taken as an end in itself. Hospitality does not make learning easier or less burdensome, but it does¡°make the painful things possible, things without which no learning can occur - things like exposing ignorance, testing tentative hypotheses, challenging false or partial information, and mutual criticism of thought.¡±Taking hospitality seriously also means balancing seriousness of purpose with lightness of tone and employing self-deprecating humor, particularly when the tension becomes too great.

¡¡¡¡Participation

¡¡¡¡In any strong democratic community, everyone is encouraged to participate in significant ways on as wide a range of issues as possible. In other words, democratic discussions work best when a large percent ofsgroupsmembers participate, when they do so on many different occasions and with respect to many different issues, and when what they contribute adds depth and subtlety to the discussion. When a wide variety of members express themselves, other participants are challenged to consider and digest a diverse range of views. This results in a richer and more memorable learning experience for all.

¡¡¡¡Mindfulness

¡¡¡¡In general, mindfulness is a crucial component of any really good discussion. Without learners who are willing to listen carefully and patiently to what others have to say, discussion cannot proceed beyond the most superficial level. Teachers must model a high level of attentiveness to convey the importance of being mindful. When the two of us lead discussions, we strain to hear and to understand, fully and correctly, what is being said. We often ask follow-up questions to make sure that we understand a comment and to affirm that all our attention and our energy are focused on what each student is expressing.

¡¡¡¡Humility

¡¡¡¡Related to mindfulness is humility. Humility is the willingness to admit that one¡¯s knowledge and experience are limited and incomplete and to act accordingly. It means acknowledging that others in thesgroupshave ideas to express that might teach us something new or change our mind about something significant. It is being willing to see all others in thesgroupsas potential teachers. Humility also implies an inclination to admit errors in judgment. Palmer reminds us that acknowledging our own ignorance is simply the first step in the pursuit of truth. Humility helps us remember that learning is always an uncertain, even uneasy quest. If we admit the limits of our knowledge and opinions, we are more likely to work authentically to create greater understanding amongsgroupsmembers.

¡¡¡¡Appreciation

¡¡¡¡Appreciation was mentioned briefly as one of a number of important¡°emotional¡±factors in dialogue. Few of us take enough opportunities in everyday life to express appreciation to one another for a thoughtful comment, a powerful insight, or a wise observation. Because democratic situations stress respect, mutuality, and civility, a logical extension of these notions is finding space and time to express our appreciation to one another. When a helpful observation clarifies a key point or an intriguing comment excites further curiosity, the disposition of appreciation inclines us to express our gratitude openly and honestly. Like many of the attitudes already mentioned, appreciation brings people closer together and raises the level of trust. But even more important, openly expressing our appreciation for one another engenders a kind of joyous collaboration that is characteristic of the most productive and most democratic of communities.

¡¡¡¡Hope

¡¡¡¡Without the hope of reaching new understanding, gaining a helpful perspective, or clarifying the roots of a conflict, there is little reason to go on talking and learning. Hope sustains us when we encounter seemingly insurmountable problems or when the amount of time needed to work through a particularly challenging issue grows longer and longer. Hope provides us with a sense that all of the time, effort, and work will benefit us in the long run, even if only in a small way.

¡¡¡¡Verbal Sensitivity

¡¡¡¡As you select your words, remember that language is ambiguous. Meanings are in people, not in the words. When listeners try to understand a message, they may reach a different meaning from what was intended. For instance, if asgroupsmember tells you that she had a big breakfast, what does¡°big¡±means? For people who don¬ðt eat breakfast,¡°big¡±might translate as coffee, juice, and toast. For someone who eats more,¡°big¡±might mean bacon, eggs, sausage, and pancakes. As you listen to messages, be aware that you hear the words and interpret them according to your definitions and experiences - which may or may not match those of the speaker. Ask questions and be sure to clarity meaning. When speaking yourself, be as concrete and specific as possible when you choose your words.

¡¡¡¡You can prepare statements in the following categories:

¡¡¡¡You may make categorical statements:¡°The facts are ...¡±¡°The way I see it is ...¡±¡°I believe that ...¡±

¡¡¡¡You may make process statements:¡°I think we agree that ...¡±¡°Aren¡¯t we ready to move to the next point?¡±¡°The definition appears complete to me.¡±

¡¡¡¡You may criticize:¡°I don¡¯t think that description of the facts is quite complete. May I add ...¡±¡°Are we all sure the authority that was just quoted is unbiased?¡±¡°Seems to me there were some flaws in the research on which that study was based.¡±

¡¡¡¡You may question:¡°Do you believe that for the same reasons he does?¡±¡°What evidence does he offer for his position?¡±¡°If we added this idea, would you still support the solution?¡±

¡¡¡¡You may argue:¡°I believe that ... for the following reasons ... and I do not think that ... is correct because ...¡±

¡¡¡¡You may reason:¡°If this is so, then we are obligated to take either this or that, but if that is flawed, then this is our only alternative despite its limitations.¡±

¡¡¡¡The following samplesgroupsconversations highlight language ambiguity and reveals verbally sensitivity in a comparative way.

¡¡¡¡Insensitive:¡°I think the problem is worded all wrong.¡±

¡¡¡¡Sensitive:¡°The statement¡®How can we prevent students from doing vandalism in schools?¡¯targets a particular population. With that wording, I think we rule out the chance that vandals might not be students at the school. I suggest we reword the question as¡®how can we detect who school vandals are and what steps are necessary for prevention?¡¯¡±

¡¡¡¡Insensitive:¡°You¡¯ve got to be kidding. Only a person who doesn¡¯t know the facts would say that the students weren¡¯t vandals.¡±

¡¡¡¡Sensitive:¡°I never thought that there might be anyone other than kids who vandalize schools. Do we have any evidence about this?¡±

¡¡¡¡None of us can control completely how others see us. They may get upset by what we say or do, or they may like us in spite of what we say or do. Since we can control only our minds and our mouths, the best we can do is make intelligent guesses about the possible effects of our actions and think about what we say and how we say it. By thinking carefully about our audience as we choose our words, we are being verbally sensitive.

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¡¡An Example as Summary: the Confession of asgroupsMember

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¡¡¡¡I am not here to waste my time, to make idle chatter, or to solve my personal and emotional problems. I am not here to make friends or do combat with enemies. I am here for a purpose, and I suspect that the others here have a purpose as well. I do not expect them to agree with me or to support me in all things I do, but I expect them, like me, to be reasonably dedicated to the accomplishment of thesgroupstask that brought us here in the first place.

¡¡¡¡I know I cannot handle this problem alone. If I could have I would have, because I know that working with asgroupstakes time and effort, and like all other human beings, I would prefer to do the best job I can in the easiest possible way. We all have strengths and weaknesses; together we can pool our strengths and overcome our weaknesses.

¡¡¡¡I have the obligation to speak up, to make my point of view known. If I just sit here, I will waste my time and the time of others. I must present my ideas clearly so that others can understand them well enough to criticize them sensibly, and I must listen to the ideas of others in a critical but not hostile way. It is my job to analyze what is said and to report the results of my analysis.

¡¡¡¡I understand thatsgroupsproblem-solving is not a haphazard enterprise. I am prepared to curb my enthusiasm and impatience and to follow the steps that will raise our chances of reaching a logical, effective, and well-reasoned solution.

¡¡¡¡I have the obligation to defend my point of view when necessary. I have no right to be truculent, to polarize the group, or to attack other members. Furthermore, I am not compelled to curb my own personal moral commitments or understanding. Still, I cannot be dogmatic; I cannot demand my way and concede nothing to others. Although I know that agreements are generally imperfect, I must do my share in forging agreements. When I am wrong I must concede it, and I must understand that my ideas may need modification just as must as the ideas of other members. Still, controversy is often useful, and I must respect it and learn from it even though it may take a great deal of time. If we become irrevocably divided, I will recognize that division itself may be an¡°answer¡±for us.

¡¡¡¡I have the obligation to embrace diversity in my group. I know that people are different from me; they have different beliefs, different values, and different attitudes. I will fight against thinking of others as wrong when they do not share my beliefs, attitudes and values. I will strive to keep an open mind at all times so that I can listen to what others say. When I still disagree, I will advance my position politely. I will remain rhetorically sensitive as I speak; I will look to find ways to value the diversity in mysgroupsrather than to alienate it.

¡¡¡¡I know that sometimes groups fail. They fail because individuals get impatient, unreasonable, distracted, or bored, I must take care to avoid these particular¡°deadly discussion sins.¡±If we do fail, I have the obligation to try to discover what went wrong, but I also know that nothing is gained from accusation and recrimination. We shall simply learn from failure and do better the next time. By the same token, if we succeed I must fight against feeling of overconfidence. Each new group, each new problem, is its own challenge. There is nothing in history or science that will predict the outcome.

¡¡¡¡And that is the pleasure I take in the process, for I know that I can contribute, and to do so makes me feel more of a human being.