首页 新闻 体育 娱乐 游戏 邮箱 搜索 短信 聊天 天气 答疑 导航


新浪首页 > 新浪教育 > 《掌握英语口语》 > 5:COMMUNICATING EFFECTIVELY ACROSS GENDER

5:COMMUNICATING EFFECTIVELY ACROSS GENDER
http://www.sina.com.cn 2003/11/14 09:48  中图读者俱乐部

  

  两性交流

  

  PROVERB谚语

  At the moment of meeting, parting begins.

  Patrick Hughes

  相识之初便是分离之始。

  赫夫

  The longing for interpersonal intimacy stays with every human being from infancy throughout life; and there is no human being who is not threatened by its loss.

  Frieda Fromm-Reichmann

  人的一生都在渴求亲密的人际关系,所有人都害怕失去它。

  瑞曼恩

  I am good, you love me; therefore you are good. I am bad, you love me; therefore you are bad.

  R. D. Laing

  我好,你爱我,所以你也好;我坏,你爱我,所以你也坏。

  辣英

  Immature love says: "I love you because I need you."Mature love says:" I need you because I love you."

  Erich Fromm

  不成熟的爱说:"我爱你因为我需要你。"成熟的爱说:"我需要你因为我爱你。"

  弗罗姆

   

COMPARATIVE DIALOGUE比较式对话

  Dialogue 1

  Scene 1

  Ignoring Relationship Considerations:

  PAUL: I'm going bowling tomorrow. The guys at the plant are starting a team.

  [He focuses on the content and ignores any relation-ship implications of the message.]

  JUDY: Why can't we ever do anything together?

  [She responds primarily on a relationship level and ignores the content implications of the message, and expresses her displeasure at being ignored in his decision.]

  PAUL: We can do something together any time; tomorrow's the day they're organizing the team.

  [Again, he focuses almost exclusively on the content.]

  场景1

  忽视双方的关系因素:

  PAUL:明天我要去打保龄球,工厂里的人正在准备组建一个球队。

  [他强调信息的内容,没有考虑双方的关系。]

  JUDY:咱们为什么不能一起玩?

  [她的回答主要是从关系层面做出的,忽视了信息的内容。丈夫对她的漠视令她不满。]

  PAUL:我们无论什么时间在一起玩都行,明天是他们组队的日子[他仍然强调信息的内容。]

  This example reflects that men focus more on content messages. Women focus more on relationship messages. Once you recognize this gender difference, you can increase your sensitivity to the opposite sex.

  这个例子表明,男性过多强调内容信息,而女性过多强调关系信息。认识到这一点,你就能在很大程度上提高你对异性言论的敏感程度。

  Scene 2

  Being Sensitive to Relationship Considerations.

  PAUL: The guys at the plant are organizing a team. I'd like to go to the organizational meeting tomorrow. Okay?

  [Although he focuses on content, he shows awareness of the relationship dimensions by asking if this would be okay and by expressing his desire rather than his decision to attend this meeting.]

  JUDY: That sounds great but I'd really like to do something together tomorrow.

  [She focuses on the relationship dimension but also acknowledges his content orientation.]

  PAUL: How about your meeting me at Luigi's and we can have dinner after the organizational meeting?

  [He responds to the relationship aspect without abandoning his desire to join the bowling team-and seeks to incorporate it to negotiate a solution that will meet both Judy's and his needs.]

  JUDY: That sounds great, I'm dying for spaghetti and meatballs.

  [She responds to both messages, approving of both his joining the team and of their dinner date.]

  场景2

  重视关系因素:

  PAUL:明天工厂里的人要组织一个球队,我想去参加组织大会,你觉得怎么样?

  [虽然他强调信息的内容,但是他没有宣布他的决定,而是询问妻子的意见,这考虑到了双方的关系。]

  JUDY:听起来不错,不过明天我很想跟你一块玩。

  [她虽然强调双方的关系,但也认识到了信息的内容。]

  PAUL:那等我开完会后,咱们一起到罗吉餐厅吃晚餐怎么样?

  [他既没有放弃自己参加保龄球队大会的想法,又考虑到了双方的关系,并提出了适合双方需要的解决方法。]

  JUDY:这个主意不错,我很想吃那里的意大利面条和肉包。

  [她既赞成丈夫参加棒球队,又为晚上的约会感到高兴。]Dialogue 2

  Jeanne: Next time try to pick me up earlier so we can be on time.

  Craig: It's only a party. Next time tell me beforehand if you think it's so important to be there. And don't sound so annoyed.

  Jeanne: But you're always late.

  Craig: I'm not always late. Don't generalize like that.

  Jeanne: Well, you're late a lot of the time. Why do you always put me down when I say something about you?

  Craig: I don't "always"put you down. There you go again, generalizing.

  Jeanne:下一次尽量早点来接我,这样咱们就能准时了。

  Craig:不就是个聚会嘛。如果下一次碰到重要的聚会就提前告诉我。用不着那么生气。

  Jeanne:可你总是迟到。

  Craig:我没有总是迟到,不要用那个词来概括我。

  Jeanne:好吧,你至少迟到过很多次。每次我说你两句,你为什么总是跟我对着干?

  Craig:我没有"总是"跟你对着干,你看,你又用这个词来概括我了。

  Although they may well remember it simply as a quarrel about lateness, Craig and Jeanne are arguing about how they communicate with each other. He tells her not to sound so annoyed, he informs her that she makes too many generalizations, she counters that he puts her down, and so on. In effect, they are arguing about their relationship.

  虽然这只是一场关于迟到的争吵,但是Craig和Jeanne是在争论两人的交流方式。他告诉她不要那么生气,不要用"总是"来概括他;她反驳说他总是和她对着干。两个人实际上是在争论两个人的关系问题。

  Dialogue 3

  Eve had a lump removed from her breast. Shortly after the operation, talking to her sister, she said that she found it upsetting to have been cut /into/, and that looking at the stitches was distressing because they left a seam that had changed the contour of her breast. Her sister said, "I know. When I had my operation I felt the same way."Eve made the same observation to her friend Karen, who said, "I know. It's like your body has been violated."But when she told her husband Mark how she felt, he said," You can have plastic surgery to cover up the scar and restore the shape of your breast."

  Eve刚刚做了乳房肿瘤的切除手术。在和姐姐聊天的时候,她说她感到很难过,手术留下的疤痕改变了乳房的形状。她的姐姐安慰她说:"我知道,我也做过这种手术,当时感觉跟你一样。"Eve和她的女友Karen也这样说过,Karen说:"我明白,感觉就像是你的身体受到了侵犯。"可是当她告诉丈夫Mark她的感觉时,他说:"你可以再做一次手术,用塑料盖住疤痕,恢复乳房的形状。"

  Eve had been comforted by her sister and her friend, but she was not comforted by Mark's comment. Quite the contrary, it upset her more. Not only didn't he hear what she wanted, that he understood her feelings, but far worse, she felt he was asking her to undergo more surgery just when she was telling him how much this operation had upset her.

  Eve had wanted understanding, but Mark had given her advice. He was trying to act as a problem solver, when instead, she wanted him to confirm her feeling and give her support.

  从姐姐和朋友那里,Eve都受到了安慰,但是丈夫Mark却让她感到伤心。他不仅不明白她的处境和感受,而且更糟糕的是,他还让她再做一次手术,而她已经告诉他她对上次手术感到很难过了。

  Eve需要获得理解,但Mark给她的却是建议。他想尽量去解决问题,而她却需要获得他的理解和支持。

   

CONCLUSION结论

  Men put great emphasis on activity and content whereas women put great emphasis on feeling and relationship.

  男人重视活动和内容;女人重视感受和关系。

  Following are the visualization on the speaking topics of women and men:

  FURTHER ANALYSIS深入分析

  According to relationship counselor John Gray, difficulties in relationships between a man and a woman lie in the lack of understanding and acceptance of the differences between the two sexes. Gray's famous book "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" turned out to be a phenomenal best seller.

  1. Men like to help women by fixing problems.

  2. Women like to help men by improving men.

  3. Men do not like womens attempt to improve them. They feel humiliated.

  4. Fixing problems for them is not what women want the most from men.

  5. When men are down, they want womens loving acceptance, not their criticism and unsolicited advice. Men want to be trusted and admired.

  6. When women are down, they like to talk about their problems. They want men to be sympathetic listeners, not necessarily offer solutions to their problems.

  7. Men are goaloriented problems solvers.

  8. Women have a need to talk about their feelings. They need to be heard and understood. Instead of being busy figuring out how to solve their problems, men should show their acknowledge- ment vocally or through nodding and brief eye contact.

  9. Men talk to exchange information.

  10. Women talk to express feelings.

  11. Men need to be alone sometimes. Every now and then, especially when under stress, they need to retreat to their "Cave" and do not want to be disturbed. Insisting on helping them before they are ready to emerge from the cave can feel like harassment.

  12. Women, under stress and in other times, like to seek out contact and make human connections.

  13. Naturally and cyclically, womens moods go though highs and lows.

  14. Men are often disconcerted by womens emotions.

  15. Women tend to use dramatic expressions such as "you ALWAYS forget" or "you NEVER listen to me". Men should not take those literally but sympathize with the sentiments they convey.

  16. Men and women, even when they speak the same words,may speak different languages.

  John Gray是研究男女关系的专家,他认为男人和女人之间的矛盾产生的根源在于他们没有认识到双方的不同之处。他写了《男人来自火星,女人来自金星》一书,列出了男性和女性的主要不同之处:

  1.男人喜欢帮助女人解决问题。

  2.女人喜欢改变男人。

  3.男人不喜欢女人改变他们,他们觉得那是一种耻辱。

  4.女人大都不喜欢男人为她们解决问题。

  5.当男人失意时,他们希望得到女人温柔的慰藉,而不是批评或无助的建议。男人希望获得别人的信任和艳羡。

  6.当女人失意时,她们希望谈谈她们的问题,希望男人认真地倾听,而不必提出解决问题的办法。

  7.男人为了达到目标而去解决各种问题。

  8.女人需要交流她们的感受。她们需要别人的倾听和理解。男人应该多多表示对她们的赞同,多点头,多做眼神的接触,而不是急着去寻找解决问题的办法。

  9.男人谈话是为了交流信息。

  10.女人谈话是为了表达感受。

  11.男人有时需要独处。尤其是面临压力的时候,他们不想受到打扰。强行帮助他们无异于对他们进行骚扰。

  12.女人们面临压力的时候,喜欢寻找人际方面的支持。

  13.女人的脾气会经历周期性的自然的起落。

  14.男人常常被女人的情感所困扰。

  15.女人喜欢使用夸张的表达方式,比如说"你总忘记""你从来不听我说话"。男人不应该从字面上理解这些话,而应对这种感觉表示同情。

  16.男人和女人即便使用相同的词汇,它们的含义可能并不一致。

  Men's friendships are often built around shared activities--attending a ball game, playing cards, working on a project at the office. Women's friendships, on the other hand, are built more around a sharing of feelings. Similarity in status, in willingness to protect one's friend in uncomfortable situations was significantly related to the closeness of male-male friends but not of female-female or female-male friends. We can conclude with certain degree of confidence that similarity is a criterion for male friendships but not for female or mixed-sex friendships.

  男人的友谊建立在共同的活动上--参加一场球赛,玩扑克,做办公室里的同一项目。与此相反,女人的友谊建立在分享感受的基础之上,地位的相近、各种难堪场合的相互支持可以促进男人友谊的发展,但是女人友谊或男女友谊却并不如此。总之,可以相当自信地说,男人之间的友谊注重相似性,而女人或异性之间的友谊强调互补性。

  Men tend to value individual achievement, and focus on activities, whereas women tend to value relationships, and focus on communication. In the light of this difference, women may wonder why men don't seem to be interested in discussing the details of what happened during the day while they were apart; men may wonder why women want to spend too much time talking about trivial issues. Women may feel that intimate talk precedes great sex; men may feel that great sex produces intimacy. Women may ask their male partners why they never say "I love you";men may respond with frustration because they do a great deal to show their female partners that they care.

  男人重视个人成就和各种活动;女人重视相互关系和交流感受。由于这种不同,所以会产生各种误解,女人会不明白男人为什么不喜欢谈论一天中发生的琐事;女人认为亲密的聊天胜于激情的性爱,男人则认为亲密的聊天哪能比得上激情的性爱。女人可能问男性伴侣为什么他们从来不提"我爱你";男人的反应可能比较困惑,因为他们觉得已经在行动上表示出了对女方的关爱。

   

SELF-TEST自测题

  Most of the questions on this quiz are concerned with an IDEAL society with no sexism, no racism, no homophobia, perfect parenting etc. (But we would have the SAME genes as we do now.)

  1. In the above ideal society, little girls and boys would play equally often with toy trucks.

  2. In the above ideal society, men and women would NOT be equally interested in right and leftbrain activities.

  3. In the above ideal society, most job categories would have about 50∶50 malefemale representation.

  4. In the above ideal society, jobs would be given to the most qualified applicant, male or female.

  5. In the above ideal society, the average man and the average woman would have equal interest in sex.

  6. In the above ideal society, the average man would do more housework than he does now.

  7. In the above ideal society, men and women would cry about the same amounts.

  8. In the above ideal society, women and men would have unequal interests in such activities as shopping and sports.

  9. In the above ideal society, women and men would get angry equally often.

  10. In the above ideal society, mens attitudes towards sex would still be significantly different from the attitudes of women.

  11. In the above ideal society, most characteristics that we now call "masculine" and "feminine" would be displayed equally often by women and men.

  12. In todays society real men often display "feminine" characteristics and real women often display "masculine" characteristics. This is healthy.

  In the above test, those questions with an odd number are false, and those with an even number are true. Check about your answers to these questions, the more you put them right, the more sensitive you are in gender differences.




英语学习论坛】【评论】【 】【打印】【关闭
Annotation

新闻查询帮助



文化教育意见反馈留言板电话:010-62630930-5178 欢迎批评指正

新浪简介 | About Sina | 广告服务 | 招聘信息 | 网站律师 | SINA English | 会员注册 | 产品答疑

Copyright © 1996 - 2003 SINA Inc. All Rights Reserved

版权所有 新浪网
北京市通信公司提供网络带宽