提高情商有妙招

　　Now let’s take a look at some ways in which we can increase the levels of our own emotional intelligence so that employers will be fighting over us! [laughter]

　　The first step is to label our own feelings rather than labelling situations or other people. We should say things like “I feel angry” instead of “this is a ridiculous situation”。

　　Secondly, it is very important to know the difference between a thought and a feeling. In terms of language we express thoughts by saying “I feel like” or “I feel as if” but for feelings we say “I feel” and then a feeling word, an adjective happy, angry, frustrated。

　　Next - and this is a crucial point - we should take more responsibility for our feelings. Instead of saying “you are making me jealous” we ought to say “I feel jealous”。

　　After this we need to learn how to use our feelings to help us make decisions. Ask yourselves “How will I feel if I do this?” or “How will I feel if I don’t?”

　　沪江小编：提高情商就要以“自我为中心”。听起来很怪异是不是？其实不然，如果你连自己的感情、思想都弄不清楚的话，又怎么能做出正确的决定呢？又如何规划自己的未来呢？所以，从现在开始，重视自己，从自身出发。从说“这里太糟了”改成“我感觉很糟”，这样你就会想方设法地让自己感觉不糟，感觉好起来，事情就会有改变。如果你一味地认为“别人”“别处”不好的话，你永远也不会有改变的动力。

　　Another important issue here is respect. We have to respect the feelings of others. We should ask ourselves questions like “How will this person feel if I do this?”

　　And of course it isn’t enough to just respect the feelings of others. We have to show others that we care. We do this through empathy and understanding. And we should accept people’s feelings. They are just as valid as our own。

　　Then we come to energy. We need to turn anger into energy and use it to take action - productive action, that is。

　　沪江小编：“以自我为中心”必然会产生的问题就是“尊重”！你要尊重别人的“自我意识”，不能把自己的想法强加到别人身上，每个人都有权利有自己的想法。

　　Finally, after getting used to understanding and analysing our emotions, we should practise getting a positive value from them. Ask yourselves “How do I feel and what could help me feel better?” and don’t forget those around you - “how do you feel?” and “what would help you feel better?”

　　To sum up I am going to leave you with two pieces of advice. Don’t criticize, advise, control or lecture others. Just listen with empathy and in a non-judgemental way。

　　And what about people who invalidate you? Easy - avoid them. And when it isn’t possible to avoid them altogether, try to spend less time with them and don’t let them get to you。

　　Follow this advice and I am sure that you will soon increase your EQ level. You will feel happier and more positive and hopefully this will rub off on those around you。

　　沪江小编：不要试图去批评、劝谏、控制、指导别人。正如你不会轻易地被别人的话所改变一样，别人也不会因为你的三言两语就改头换面。你要做的只是倾听，不要带着任何的有色眼镜去评价任何事。如果“我不犯人，别人偏要犯我”怎么办？无视Ta，如果不能完全无视的话，那就尽量少和这些人接触。