恩波狂背作文连载八：图画作文写作指导_新浪教育

恩波狂背作文连载八：图画作文写作指导

http://www.sina.com.cn 2006/08/03 16:10 恩波教育

　　恩波〈考研英语考前30天狂背作文〉下载八

　　贡献：国内大学英语考试辅导专家，具有丰富的考试辅导经验。在教学上精益求精，激情洋溢，有高度的责任心。现已出版多部英语专著，“狂背作文”系列更居同类图书榜首。在苏、浙、沪等地多所大学授课，深受学生欢迎。恩波学校六级网站版主，第一位在网上为全国学生免费批改作文的老师，也是目前全国批改作文最多的老师。

　　Directions 11

　　Study the following pictures carefully and write an essay in which you should:

　　1. describe the two pictures,

　　2. give the reasons of such a phenomenon, and

　　3. list possible solutions.

　　You should write 160~200 words neatly on ANSWER SHEET 2.

　　审题：

　　这篇文章的结构很典型，而选择的写法却很特殊——我们选择兼顾图画所体现的两方面的问题，即自私和违反规则两个方面。如果第一段这样来点明，那么第二段和第三段均应这样展开，使文章形成一个有机的整体。

　　Sample:

　　In the first picture, two persons are talking loudly in the library as if they were the only persons there. In the second picture, a man is talking happily on the phone in the cinema, while a film is on. From these two pictures, we come across such people who are so selfish as to always think of themselves instead of others on the one hand, and who are so bold as to defy those rules and regulations on the other hand.

　　Why do they behave in this way? On the one hand, they are brought up in such a way as to take their own interests into consideration whenever anything arises. This may not be the original purpose of parents and teachers, but this is largely the result of today’s education. Children learn from what adults do, not what they say. Years of teaching in class and family may tell them how to do, but hours of reallife practice may be more influential. On the other hand, they are brought up in such a way as not to take rules and regulations seriously. In their belief, rules and regulations only restrain those silly people, and the violation of them can be both exciting and admirable.

　　To solve this problem, all of us have a long way to go. First, teachers and parents should act in such a way to teach young children to always take others into consideration whenever they take action. Second, the authorities should severely punish anyone who violates rules and regulations. To protect the rights of more people, such punishment is more than necessary.

　　点评：

　　第一段先用两句话描述两幅图画，而后用一句话做总结，用on the one hand和on the other hand将问题的两个方面清晰地表达了出来。

　　第二段的首句没有使用传统的表示原因的模板句，如The reasons for this phenomenon are twofold / threefold.而是用了一个设问句，使行文显得生动活泼。之后分两个方面来说明为何他们会自私和不遵守规则。

　　第三段首句是典型的办法类的模板句。而后分两方面来说解决问题的办法，与第一段、第二段严格对应。

　　心得：

　　这篇文章给我们留下的最大的印象就是前后呼应，三段采用了同样的结构，这样读来自然觉得流畅。

　　就句子写作而言，内部突出对比的句子总是给人留下深刻的印象，下面我们就以第二段的第一点为例来说明。这一点分四句话，后三句都属于句内表示对比的情形。第二句话一针见血——这不一定是父母和老师的初衷，但却是今天教育的结果。大家自然要想，为何结果偏离了初衷呢？下面接着说，孩子们学的是大人的做法，而不是说法。这句话简练、深刻。下面一句最为精彩，多年的学校和

家庭教育告诉他们如何去做，而数小时的实践可能更加有影响力。这明确地说明，只有投入了真实的生活之中，孩子们才能真正有所体会，才能真正成长。没有真实生活的洗礼，孩子们又怎能了解人生的真理，怎能为他人考虑呢？

　　好的句子是深入思索(思想方面)和不断练习(语言方面)相结合的结果，只要我们不懈努力，总有达到“何意百炼钢，化为绕指柔”的那一天。

　　Directions 12

　　Study the following picture carefully and write an essay in which you should:

　　1. describe the picture,

　　2. interpret their meaning, and

　　3. make your comment on this phenomenon.

　　You should write 160~200 words neatly on ANSWER SHEET 2.

　　审题：

　　这篇文章配的图很简单，而意义却是深刻的。提纲的第二部分和第三部分分别是阐释含义和做出评论，我们可以分成三块来写：提出问题——从两方面分析——下结论。这样文章包含开始描述图画的部分就有了四个部分。

笔记本电脑可以写作laptop computer, portable computer, notebook computer, notebook PC，在文中应替换使用。

　　Sample:

　　In the above picture a university student is phoning his mother, “In order to make progress in my study, I want to buy a laptop computer.”

　　Is a laptop computer indispensable? Does a laptop computer mean greater possibility of academic excellence? Does a student without a laptop computer have no chance of success? It is obvious that the drawer wants all of us to think deeply before providing the answer. To reach a reasonable conclusion, we should analyze this problem from two perspectives.

　　On the one hand, we cannot guarantee that the student will use the portable computer solely for studyrelated purposes. Most of them have not lived independently, so they do not know how hard it is to make a living. Once they have the computer at hand, those students who lack selfcontrol may be indulged in computer games or online chatting, which will waste their time and affect their health.

　　On the other hand, a student without a notebook computer can also be a top student. Sometimes students do need computers to finish assignments, and the computer rooms on campus can often meet that purpose. For those students whose majors call for frequent use of computers, they also can buy the desktop one, which is much cheaper.

　　After careful consideration, we should say that the luxurious learning equipment such as a laptop computer is not necessary unless the parents can easily afford it and the student uses it only to facilitate his work and study.

　　点评：

　　大家可能会问：出题人是让我们就题论题写笔记本电脑呢，还是推衍开去泛泛而论这样的奢侈类学习用品呢？在这里我们写成两种情形都是可以的，范文中是先就笔记本电脑展开提问和思索，最后做结时用了“诸如笔记本电脑的奢侈型学习用品”的字眼。

　　文章共分五段。第一段描述图画，非常简洁。第二段连问了三个问题：笔记本电脑必不可少吗？它一定会推动学业进步吗？没有就学不好吗？第一个问题是核心，包含了后面两个问题。之后的两句话是过渡句，起承上启下的作用。第三段和第四段分别回答上面的后两个问题，均得到了否定的答案。而最后一段下结论直接呼应了第一个问题——说明笔记本电脑不是必需的，只有同时符合两个条件时，笔记本电脑才是有益的。

　　心得：

　　第二段的连续提问很有震撼力——为了能在考试中运用出丰富多彩的语言表达方式，平时多积累、多练习是很关键的。

　　第三段是写有了手提电脑后不一定会学习。下面分两句来写，先写原因，后写结果。由于不知道赚钱的艰辛，所以缺乏自制力的学生很可能沉迷于电脑游戏或网络聊天。

　　第四段写没有手提电脑也可以成为优等生。的确需要电脑时，可以去机房。个别确实需要常用电脑的学生，可以购买便宜得多的台式机。

　　最后一段非常精彩，说只有两个条件齐备，象手提电脑这样的学习用品才能发挥作用。这两个条件就是家庭承受得起和学生将之用于学习与工作的目的。

　　文章中有许多优秀的词组与句型，下面以第三段为例，希望大家用心识记。该段第一句中的guarantee表示“保证”，use...solely for studyrelated purposes表示“只用于学习相关的目的”，是个很地道的表达方式。第二句比较难以表达，如果这样写就不严谨：They have not earned money, so they do not know how hard it is to make a living.建议改作范文中的写法，或者：Most of them have not lived on their own, so they do not know how hard it is to earn money.

　　写作中的推敲琢磨很重要，我们一边学习、模仿别人的文章，磨砺、比较自己的写法，这样就一定能获得进步。第三句使用了once引导的时间状语从句，使得时间接续非常紧密，而后使用at hand表示“得到”，非常精妙，远胜于普通的写法：Once they have bought the computer, ...句中使用定语从句who lack selfcontrol是严谨的写法，因为并不是所有的学生都会沉湎于坏习惯中。后面的be indulged in表示“沉湎于”，句子最后使用了非限制性定语从句，分两个方面说明危害。

　　Directions 13

　　Study the following picture carefully and write an essay in which you should:

　　1. describe the picture,

　　2. point out the reasons for this phenomenon,and

　　3. suggest possible solutions.

　　You should write 160~200 words neatly on ANSWER SHEET 2.

　　审题：

　　我们拿到题目后，首先要分析图画和提纲所构成的语境。对于全体考生来说，一个图画可能有不止一种含义，不同的写法都是可行的，都可能得高分，如2004年考研作文“温室里的花朵经不起风雨”就既可写孩子教育问题，也可以写入世后的部分中国企业的情况。但是对有些图画来说，有的理解就肯定是错误的，如2005年的考研，写成老年人加强体育锻炼的问题，就是不行的。对于大家来说，一定要加强审题的能力，平时多看多想，考试中就会水到渠成。

　　这篇文章分为三段。第一段是描述图画，第二段在引入主题后。

　　Sample:

　　In the above picture, a mother is seeing her son off at a railway station. It is most likely that the son is traveling by himself for the first time. We are most surprised to notice what the mother says: “My son, all of the people on the train are vicious, so be careful to protect yourself.”

　　Although this mother is radical to some extent, this picture reflects a worrying social problem—loss of social trust. Three reasons, in my belief, can account for the current phenomenon. First, when economy develops quickly and resources become more and more limited, social competition will become more and more fierce, and people will concentrate on the protection of personal interests. Second, the present education puts emphasis on knowledge and skills instead of morality and ethics. Last but not the least, sometimes the mass media play a negative role in focusing on the dark side of society, such as murder and robbery.

　　It is high time that we called on the efforts from all sides to solve this problem quickly and effectively. In the first place, teachers and parents should try their best to cultivate love, affection and unselfishness in the hearts of adolescents. In the second place, the government, with the help of the mass media, should play a dominant role in the making of a harmonious society. When every one of us participates in this campaign, the restoration of mutual trust will not be far away.

　　点评：

　　这篇文章首段先描述图画，第二段开头做了一个关键性的工作——确定本文章的主题。这个主题是由图画所决定的，也是根据提纲展开文章的基础。然后分三点来说明该问题的原因。第三段分两点来说明解决问题的办法。

　　心得：

　　文章没有第四段，这主要是由于第三段的最后一句带有结论性，是个非常成功的句子，亦可以写成：

　　When every one of us participates in this campaign, the dream of the restoration of mutual trust will be realized in the near future.

　　Directions 14

　　Study the following picture carefully and write an essay in which you should:

　　1. describe the picture,

　　2. point out the reasons for this phenomenon,and

　　3. suggest possible solutions.

　　You should write 160~200 words neatly on ANSWER SHEET 2.

　　审题：

　　我们看了图画与提纲之后，对于这种文章的结构已经非常熟悉了。文章分为四段来写，描述图画——说明原因——提出解决办法——下结论。

　　Sample:

　　In the above picture, a student has got 68 in an examination, but he asks the teacher to give him 80, for he wants to get the title of an excellent student. Looking at the picture, we can’t help thinking of the more and more serious phenomenon of students’ going to the teacher directly for higher grades.

　　Schools are places where students learn knowledge and acquire skills, but some students never devote themselves to such an arduous yet enjoyable process. When the examination season arrives, they are busy searching for various methods to get satisfactory grades. Some stay up late to memorize as much knowledge as possible. Some even cheat in examinations in order to win ideal marks. Others go directly to the teachers, begging them to let them pass. In extreme cases, some students tell the teachers directly that they need a certain mark for a certain purpose.

　　Such practices deprive national education of fairness and dignity. To prevent them from spreading, teachers should first of all take on their responsibilities. They should reject such students firmly and directly. If the students continue disturbing them with their unreasonable requests, the teachers should report to the school authorities. On this occasion, the school authorities should severely punish these students and those who help them in the efforts.

　　If young students are used to achieving personal goals through unjust methods, when can we stop worrying about their future?

　　点评：

　　文章的第一段，由于一句话就描述了图表，所以第二句话可以对这个现象进行小结。而最后一段是总结性的段落，这一段只有一句话，采用了条件状语从句加反问句的模式，给人留下了非常深刻的印象。此段话还将第一段第二句话的小结做了进一步提炼，总结是“以不正当的方法来达到个人目的”，相当准确。

　　原因段落和办法段落均没有采用最常见的分两点或三点来说的方法。第二段写原因，前两句描述一些学生不好好学习，一到考试的时候就找各种各样的方法来得到满意的分数。而后采用排比句分成几类学生来写。最后一句话是聚焦第三类学生，进一步来说明——在某些极端的情况下，有些学生直接告诉老师自己需要多少分，以达到某个目的。

　　第三段首句一针见血地点出了这种做法的危害。而后将重点落在教师身上，具体讲教师该怎么做。之后补充写了校方的正确做法。

　　心得：

　　首先对于图画的小结(总结出寓意或主题)可以放在第一段后面或第二段开头。

　　原因段落和办法段落均可以不采用传统的分类法，而采用层层递进的方法来写。

　　最后一段使用了由条件状语从句和疑问句构成的经典复合句做结，还要给人留下了深刻的印象。

　　Directions15

　　Study the following picture carefully and write an essay in which you should:

　　1. describe the picture;

　　2. give your comment;

　　3. suggest possible solutions.

　　You should write 160~200 words neatly on ANSWER SHEET 2.

　　审题：

　　这篇文章的结构与我们前面所学的稍有不同，主要是第二个段落，这个段落不是要求写原因，而是要给出自己的评论。对于本文来说，就是对算命这一事件给出自己的看法。

　　Sample:

　　In the above picture, a student goes to a fortune teller to ask whether she will succeed or not in the coming College Entrance Examination. It is obvious that the drawer wishes all of us to ponder over this social phenomenon, which is becoming more and more common nowadays.

　　I myself see no point in going to a fortune teller. First, life is always full of accidents and coincidences, and how can the fortune teller know a person’s life route exactly? Second, if we knew our fortune and believed it, we would only wait for it to happen—when life is deprived of challenges and surprises, is it still worth living?

　　To eliminate fortune tellers we have to persuade people not to go to them any longer. To begin with, we should explain why fortune telling is unreliable, and why finding a forture teller is a waste of time and energy. What’s more important, we should help people understand that everyone is the architect of his own future—only through diligence and persistence can he realize his dreams.

　　The meaning of life lies largely in the process of struggle and endurance. We have to improve our education to help young people fight for their ideals so as to forget fortune telling.

　　点评：

　　该文共分为四段来写作。第一段分为两句，第一句对图画进行描述——可以用直接引语，也可以用间接引语，其中直接引语更为常见。而后一句是承上启下的过渡句。

　　第二段首句表达了对该现象否定的态度，而后分为两个方面来说，各有一句话。第一句话是个并列句，后半部分使用了反问句。第二句话很复杂，前面是条件状语从句，使用了虚拟语气描述了与现实相反的情形，而后创造性地使用了破折号表示递进，而后是时间状语从句加上反问句，效果非常强烈——当人生失去了挑战和惊奇，它还值得活吗？

　　第三段提出了消除这一现象的办法，分为两个方面。

　　最后一段下结论，分两句话。第一句话说明了一条永恒的真理——生命的意义很大程度上在于奋斗和忍耐的过程，第二句话引到本文主题上——只有我们提高教育帮助年轻人为自己的理想而奋斗才能使他们忘记算命。

　　心得：

　　我们发现在范文中句子的复杂程度较高，包含了较多的并列句和复合句，即使是简单句，有的也很复杂。下面以第三段为例来说明。该段第二句是个并列句，句中有两个由疑问词why引导的宾语从句。第三句前半部分的宾语从句中是一句颇具哲理的谚语，后面使用了破折号，之后是个only引导的倒装句。

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