By Jan Carew

　　平常 选注

　　似真似假、似虚似实之间，这个小短篇要告诉我们的其实大家早已都明白，只是彼时彼刻真正能做到大脑清醒倒也不容易呢！所以说，记住！横财还是不发为好。

　　It's a funny thing about money. If you haven't got it, you think it's the most important thing in the world. That's what I used to think, too. I don't any more, though, and I learned the hard way.<注1>

　　When I was at school, we had this English master. He was always quoting to us from famous writers. I wasn't very interested, and I don't remember much about it now. But it's funny how things come back to you. He used to say:

　　"When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers.<注2>"

　　Sounds a bit daft,<注3> doesn't it? Well, I didn't understand it then, either, but I can tell you what it means now. It means if you want something really badly, you'll probably get it. But you'll probably get it in a way you don't expect.

　　I mean, you might have to pay a price you didn't bargain for.

　　It started one rainy day, when I was coming home from work.

　　I'm a motor mechanic, and I liked working in the garage. But, I was restless. I'd always had this dream of owning my own business. Nothing big—just something I could build up. I don't mind hard work, you see, if I'm working for myself. That's why I'd left my mum and dad in the North, and come to London. I thought I'd make more money that way.

　　We'd had arguments about it. My dad and me. He didn't see why I should want to leave home when I had enough to live on.

　　Enough! Enough for what I used to ask him. To live as he had in a council house all his life, with nothing to look forward to but a gold watch and a pension?

　　Oh, I was fond of him, you see, and it annoyed me to see him so content. He had nothing to show for all those years of work in that noisy factory.

　　Anyway, all this was on my mind, as I walked home that night. The rain didn't help, either. I remember thinking, if only I could get out of the rut, if only I could get a thousand quid<注4>—just that, just a thousand.

　　I stopped and bought a newspaper outside the Tube.<注5> I thought it would take my mind off things on the way home. I could read about other people's troubles for a change. See what films were on.

　　I don't know when I first realised there was something wrong with the paper. It looked ordinary enough. But there was something about it that didn't seem quite right. As if there was a gap in the news. As if it was a jump ahead. So, in the end, I looked at the front page, and instead of Tuesday 22nd November, it said Wednesday 23rd November.

　　"My God," I thought, "it's tomorrow's paper!"

　　I didn't believe it to start with. But it did explain why all the news was different. There couldn't be any other explanation. Somehow, I had bought tomorrow's paper—today!

　　And that was the moment I realised it. The moment I realised that all my prayers could be answered. My hands were shaking so much that I could hardly turn the pages. But they were there. The results of tomorrow's races!

　　I looked at the winners, and chose from them carefully. I picked only the outsiders that had won at prices like 30-1.<注6> There was even one at 50-1! A horse I would never have thought of betting on.

　　Next morning, I went to the bank, and drew out just about all I had—￡150. I laid my bets during my lunch hour. I went to several shops. I didn't want anyone to become suspicious.

　　It's a funny thing, but I just knew they'd come up. And—God forgive me—I never stopped to think why I had been given this chance to see into the future.

　　They did come up—every one of them. All I had to do was to go round and collect, and I couldn't wait to get home and count my money. A cool￡4,000!!

　　Well, nothing could stop me now! I'd give in my notice at work the next day, and look for a place of my own. Wait till I told Mum and Dad! They'd hardly be able to believe it.

　　I switched on the television, but I couldn't concentrate on it. I kept thinking what I'd do with the money. I hardly heard a word of the programme.

　　Then the news came on.

　　The announcer mentioned Selby. That wasswheresmy parents lived. I began to listen.

　　There had been an explosion up there, that afternoon, followed by a fire in a factory. Twenty-two people had been killed, and many more were in hospital. I don't remember the rest—something about a government enquiry.

　　I stopped listening, but I couldn't move out of the chair. I think I must've known then that my dad was dead—even before the telegram came.

　　The newspaper had fallen on the floor. I picked it up, not realising what I was doing. Then, I saw it—in "Stop Press".. FACTORY DISASTER IN SELBY. MANY FEARED DEAD. I hadn't seen it before. I'd been too busy picking winners. I could've saved my dad's life, but I'd been too busy picking bloody winners.<注7> I don't often cry, but the words swam in front of me then.

　　There isn't much more to tell. I got my own business, and I'm doing well. As for my Mum, she was paid insurance by the firm that owned the factory, so she's better off than she ever was. The only thing is, she doesn't care if she's alive or dead now my Dad's gone.When the gods wish to punish us, they make a damn good job of it.