New Rules For Employment办公室的新规定

　　SICKNESS AND RELATED LEAVE: We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

　　关于病假：医生的处方单不能作为请病假的证明：既然能支撑到医院就医，就能坚持到公司来上班。

　　SURGERY: Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

　　关于手术：决不允许手术医疗。一旦你成为我公司的员工，你的一切器官均属公司，全身上下，莫非公司财产。所有员工务必保持器官完整，不得手术切除任何部分。

　　BEREAVEMENT LEAVE: This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, Relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases,swheresemployee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done enough.

　　丧假：借口亲戚好友逝去请丧假是决不允许的。逝者已逝，你就算请假也无能为力，你不能为死者或死者的亲友做什么。公司将不遗余力地杜绝丧假现象。特殊情况下，比如员工必须出席葬礼，那么葬礼必须安排在下午快下班时，我们很高兴与你共进午餐然后一起工作，并且准许你下午提前一小时下班，如果你的工作都完成了的话。

　　YOUR OWN DEATH:This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

　　病逝：我们可以接受此种请假。但是，必须两个星期前提出。你有责任做好岗位交接。