Valentine's Day is the holiday when romance is supposed to bloom;love is in the air; and roses, candy, and cards are the preferred presents of the day. Well, what about the other 364 days of the year? Heidi Reeder, assistant professor of communications, at the University of North Carolina, says that couples should put more effort into the things that are necessary for maintaining strong love relationships. "Valentine's Day comes once a year, and the question that needs to be answered is, 'How do we keep love alive?' It's a question that couples need to ask themselves and find ways to work through."

　　One of the main theories on love states that it is made up of three primary components-intimacy, commitment, and passion-she notes. A lot of relationships, though, tend to contain just one or two elements, and couples should look at all three areas to find out if any need to be nurtured. Intimacy involves talking honestly and disclosing oneself to the other person, feeling close and connected, and listening to each other. "Basically, it's communicating on an intimate level." Commitment is making the decision that one is invested in the relationship and doing things that show it. Passion is all those things that Valentine's Day usually focuses on-the romance, infatuation, excitement, desire.

　　Reeder believes that intimacy and communication are at the heart of love. Whenever people are asked, "What is love?", the things they often cite are honesty, openness, friendship, personal closeness, and feelings of "oneness" and togetherness as elements that contribute to intimacy. Nothing creates intimacy better than an honest sharing of oneself with another person, and this involves communication. Communication is central to a love relationship."

　　Couples who have been together a long time often might believe that the relationship is stagnating and needs to be reinvigorated. In order to bring about that rejuvenation, they should try to do some new things and share some new experiences. "When they plan things and enjoy themselves together, they can experience a feeling of learning and growing with this other person." Reeder offers these suggestions on how they can better seek intimacy through improved communications:

　　*Let your partner know how you feel if you are upset and an argument starts. Try to state the problem clearly, rather than expecting the other person to know. Take a step back and get some clarity on the situation.

　　*Communicate honestly. Honesty is at the top of everybody's list. When things are hidden in a relationship, or not discussed openly, they do not go away and may pose problems. If you are not honest with the other person, you are technically not communicating.

　　"Having a relationship that's 'Valentine's Day all year' isn't realistic. Too many things can intrude into relationships that have gone beyond the early romance stage. But by working at how they communicate, couples can strengthen their relationship."

　　情人节是这样的节日：浪漫尽情绽放；爱意浓浓；玫瑰、糖果、贺卡是节日中倍受偏爱的礼物。那么，一年中的其他364天又如何呢？海迪·瑞德--北卡罗来纳大学的交际学助教，认为夫妻应该在维系甜蜜的爱情纽带方面投入更多的努力。"情人节一年一度，而需回答的问题是'我们怎样保持爱情的活力？'这是夫妻双方需要问自己的问题并找到解决的途径。"

　　瑞德指出一种关于爱的主要理论阐明：爱有三个基本组成部分--亲密，投入和激情。尽管很多爱情可能仅仅包含一两个因素，夫妻还是应该注意所有的三方面并探讨是否有必要去培养这三方面的感情。亲密包含诚实的交谈和向对方敞开心扉，感觉密不可分，并且互相倾听。"最基本的是，以亲密的方式交流。"投入是下定决心，一个人投身到这种感情中并以行动证明。激情通常是情人节的焦点所在--浪漫、迷恋、激动、欲望。

　　瑞德相信亲密和交流是爱情的中心。无论何时人们被问到这个问题："什么是爱？"人们通常提到的是诚实、公开、友谊、亲密、独立感和结合感，作为对亲密有作用的因素。"要创造亲密，没有什么比同对方诚实地分享自己的感受更好，这包含交流。交流是爱情的中心。"

　　相处很长时间的夫妻可能常常认为这种关系是停滞的，并需要恢复活力。为了恢复活力，他们应该尽力去做新的事情并分享一些新的经历。"当他们一起计划人生并享受生活时，他们能体验到和对方一起学习、成长的感觉。"瑞德提出有关建议，夫妻怎样通过改进交流来更好地寻求亲密。

　　*让你的伴侣知道你的感受，如果你心烦意乱并开始争论。尽力清晰地阐明问题，而不是指望对方明白。退一步海阔天空，让局势清晰明白。

　　*诚实地交流。诚实是每个人首要的品质。当婚姻中的事情被隐瞒或不被公开讨论时，烦恼事不仅不会消失而且可能引起问题。如果你对另一方不诚实，你就在技巧方面不善于交流。

　　"拥有'天天都是情人节'的爱情是不现实的。太多事情会干扰已过了早期浪漫阶段的爱情。但是通过改进交流方式，夫妻会加强他们的感情。"

　　(文/湖北咸宁学院陈艳芳(选译)；英语通大学英语六级考试版03～04学年第2期；版权归英语辅导报社所有，独家网络合作伙伴新浪教育，未经许可，不得以任何形式进行转载。)