【写作要求】

　　根据提示的情景，用英文写一篇80—100词的短文。不必根据中文逐字逐句翻译。

　　我们的学校历史悠久。毕业学生中不少已成为各自领域中的专家。近年来，我们的学校发生了很大的变化。我们为自己的学校感到自豪。

　　【学生实作】

　　Our school has a long history. It is told that it dated from one hundred years ago. From it was founded on, there were more and more students in it. And the former students all did well in their studying. Some of them are outstanding. Because of their good studies and hard work, many of the schoolleavers have become experts in different fields. These years our school has changed great, it becomes more and more beautiful. Besides, the teachers' teaching methods are more advanced than before. At the same time, the students study very hard, and we are determined to make great contribution to our school.

　　We like our school very much! We are proud of it!

　　【评析】

　　1. 第2句：is told 应为is said。(以下错误均在第一段)

　　2. 第2句：dated应改为dates。

　　3. 第3句：from...on不能表示从过去的某个时间一直到现在的情况，因此这里用since较好。另外，from...on中间应是名词，而不能是从句。

　　4. 第3句：主句中应用现在完成时态，表示从过去一直到现在的情况。把there were改为there have been。

　　5. 第4句：studying最好改为studies，指“学业”。

　　6. 第5句：本句应是说以前的学生的情况，are应改为were。

　　7. 第7句：great应改为greatly。修饰动词应用副词形式。

　　8. 第7句：our school has changed greatly是一个完整的句子，其后也是一个完整的句子，而两个完整的句子没有连词时是不能并列的。最好中间用句号，使各自独立成句。

　　9. 第9句：study改为are studying更为生动。

　　10. 第9句：very hard最好改为even harder，以对应前面的比较级。

　　【总评】

　　优点 ：

　　1. 基本写出了题目要求的几方面的内容。

　　2. 这是一篇半开放的写作。习作者适当地增补细节对内容进行了展开，使内容较为全面、丰富。

　　3. 语句表达较为连贯。

　　不足：

　　1. 有一处句与句之间没有连词连接的情况，这是不符合英语习惯的。

　　2. 谓语动词的时态有几处运用不当。

　　【修改之后】

　　Our school has a long history. It is said that it dates from one hundred years ago. Since it was founded, there have been more and more students in it. And the former students all did well in their studies. Some of them were outstanding. Because of their good studies and hard work, many of the schoolleavers have become experts in different fields. These years our school has changed greatly. It becomes more and more beautiful. Besides, the teachers' teaching methods are more advanced than before. At the same time, the students are studying even harder, and we are determined to make great contribution to our school.

　　We like our school very much! We are proud of it!

　　(文/王志勇； 英语辅导报高一版 04~05学年度第24期；版权归英语辅导报社所有，独家网络合作伙伴新浪教育，未经许可，不得以任何形式进行转载。)