高中英语课外辅导:学生英语实作评析 |
http://www.sina.com.cn 2005/03/25 14:10 英语辅导报 |
【写作要求】 假如你叫王方,乘出租车时丢了手提箱。在失物招领处,工作人员要求你用英文写一份书面材料。 内容要点:1. 上午11点钟到达机场,然后带着5件行李乘一辆黄色出租车到假日酒店(Holiday Inn);2. 到达酒店后,发现由于粗心将手提箱遗失在出租车上。不幸的是,未注意到出租车的车牌号;3. 手提箱是黑色的,由塑料制成,尺寸大约为60cm×40cm×16cm;4. 箱内有一台摄像机、两条长裤、三件衬衫、几本儿童读物以及一个钱包。钱包内有一张2,000美元的支票;5. 你的联系电话是:0435—3940526。 注意:1. 词数100左右;2. 文章的开头已为你写好。 My name is Wang Fang. I arrived at the airport at 11 am... 【学生实作】 My name is Wang Fang. I arrived at the airport at 11 am. Then I took a yellow taxi to the Holiday Inn with five luggages. When I arrived at the Holiday Inn, I found my suitcase had been left in the taxi because of my carelessness. Unfortunately, I didn't notice the taxi's licence. The suitcase is black and made of plastic. It is about 60 centimetre by 40 centimetre by 16 centimetre. In it, there is a camera, two pairs of trousers, three pieces of shirts, several books for children and a purse. In the purse, there is a check of 2,000 dollars. Could the finder make relation with me? My telephone number is 0435—3940526. Thank you. Wang Fang 【评析】 1. 第一段第3句:luggage为不可数名词,five luggages表达不正确,可改为five pieces of luggage。 2. 第一段第5句:licence意为“执照”,不是“牌照”,故the taxi's licence可改为the number of the taxi。 3. 第二段第2句:表示度量单位的centimetre为可数名词,应把三个 centimetre都改为centimetres。 4. 第二段第3句:In it过于简短,不必在其后停顿,其后逗号应去掉。 5. 第二段第3句:shirt是可数名词, three pieces of shirts表达不正确,应改为three shirts。 6. 第二段第4句:表示价值时,通常用介词for,故of最好改为for。 7.第三段第1句:make relation with me表达不正确。习作者想表达“与我取得联系”,可改为get in touch with me或return the suitcase to me。 【总评】 优点: 1. 写出了题目提示的全部内容要点。 2. 语句表达通顺、连贯。 3. 句子的语法结构正确。 不足: 1. 有一处汉式英语。 2. 有几处语言不规范。 【修改之后】 My name is Wang Fang. I arrived at the airport at 11 am. Then I took a yellow taxi to the Holiday Inn with five pieces of luggage. When I arrived at the Holiday Inn, I found my suitcase had been left in the taxi because of my carelessness. Unfortunately, I didn't notice the number of the taxi. The suitcase is black and made of plastic. It is about 60 centimetres by 40 centimetres by 16 centimetres. In it there is a camera, two pairs of trousers, three shirts, several books for children and a purse. In the purse, there is a check for 2,000 dollars. Could the finder get in touch with me? My telephone number is 0435—3940526. Thank you. Wang Fang (文/王志勇; 英语辅导报高一版 04~05学年度第21期;版权归英语辅导报社所有,独家网络合作伙伴新浪教育,未经许可,不得以任何形式进行转载。) |