小孩（来源：沪江英语）
全面二孩的热度似乎还没有过去，大家都沉浸在可以生二胎的喜悦里……但是请问各位跃跃欲试“要生生一打”的各位——别说二胎了，生一个，你真的觉得能hold住嘛！看看《每日邮报》为大家准备的育儿任务清单吧！如果你觉得自己能搞定，那么恭喜你——你做好生娃的准备了；如果不能……英语君还是劝你三思而后行吧……
Task 1 10am： Put a just-fed， super-sleepy octopus in a crib. Attempt to get all eight limbs into the small eight holes of an octopus sleeping bag. It screams， because it‘s a new species of screaming octopus.
早晨10点任务一：把刚刚喂好、困顿无比的小八爪鱼放到婴儿床里。试试看把八肢放进八爪鱼睡袋的八个洞洞里。八爪鱼惊声尖叫，因为这是爱嚎叫的新品种八爪鱼。
Task 2 11am： Pick up 10kg of flour from the supermarket. Whilst carrying it， continue normal tasks， including smiling when strangers poke your flour and ask its gender. At two-hourly-intervals during your day， stick a pencil into the flour so it leaks out everywhere， then wash the ensuing floor mess and your clothes， re-package the flour， and carry on with the rest of your day， whilst never putting down the flour.
早晨11点任务二：从超市选购10公斤面粉。背面粉的时候，常规任务继续，包括陌生人戳你面粉问性别时你得微笑。白天每隔两小时，戳一支铅笔到面粉里，面粉撒漏一地，接踵而来的是衣服沾粉、满地狼藉，你着手清洗、重新装好面粉袋，接下来的时间继续忙活，但绝不能放下那袋面粉。
Task 3 12pm： Wearing your best top， pour some water over both breast regions and go out for the afternoon. Every hour， add a splat of smelly thick white liquid to your top. Every meal time， ask your dining companion to throw colourful food at you， ideally staining foods.
12点任务三：穿上你最得体的上装，在胸前撒点水，然后下午出门在外。每小时在上衣上加一滩浓稠的白色液体。每到餐点都让饭搭子朝你扔各色食物，最好是会留下污渍的那种。
Task 4 1pm： Download an app that blares out hissing sounds and place it next to a dozing time bomb. Try to shower， dry your hair， go to the loo， cook a meal， clear up your house， get ready to go out and catch up on emails in the 23 seconds the time bomb stays silent.
下午1点任务四：下载一个会嘶嘶作响的应用，接着旁边设置瞌睡定时。试着赶在定时炸弹安静的23秒内完成淋浴、吹头发、去洗手间、做饭、打扫房间、做出门准备、看完邮件这一系列动作。
小孩Task 5 2pm： Walk to your nearest tube station whilst pushing two heavy suitcases full of necessities for the day， with your screaming octopus strapped to your front in a Baby Bjorn. Ideally do so on a rainy day， wearing an enormous raincoat that covers you and the carrier， but which makes the octopus ANGRY.
下午2点任务五：走到最近的地铁站去，手里推着两个装满生活日用品的行李箱，胸前Babybjorn（来自瑞典的专业婴儿用品品牌）背带上绑着你大叫不止的八爪鱼。最好是雨天这么来，穿上大雨衣，蒙住你和大箱子，但你的小八爪鱼会抓狂。
Task 6 7pm： Put an alarm clock in a crib. Pat its snooze button for two hours from 7pm so it stays hush. Now have it go off every hour. Have your alarm clock finally settle down at 6.30， half an hour before your iPhone alarm will go off waking you for the day.
晚上7点任务六：把闹钟放到婴儿床里。从晚上7点起轻点贪睡模式按钮确保不闹。然后，每小时闹一次铃。六点半时让你的闹钟消停，也就比你的苹果手机呼唤你起床早半小时。
Task 7 Next day： Tell a friend about your day struggling with a wriggling， screaming octopus， crazy sleep-depriving alarm clock， tempestuous time bomb， heavy lugging-about flour， ruined clothing and travel desperation.
第二天任务七：第二天你和朋友谈你的八爪鱼扭来扭去尖叫不止、闹钟剥夺你睡眠、定时炸弹狂暴躁动，说你和面粉拉锯、衣服尽毁、热切渴望出游。
