EDUCATION: EXAMINATION-ORIENTED OR QUALITY-ORIENTED

　　作者：wangjun2016

　　EDUCATION: EXAMINATION-ORIENTED OR QUALITY-ORIENTED

　　Today, the student of China have to be confronted with the reality. First, they must do their utmost for gaining a good score in each examination. In addition, they are demanded to increase their quality. The matter is difficult.

　　Nowadays, there is a growing concern over quality-oriented. Some people like to make their children enter the university at first, then considering the question, whereas others are incline to add the ability of their children while they are a baby. From listening, watching and creeping, they receive the education. When they will grow up, the children could take the superiority than the others. At the same time, I consider both of them are one-sided.

　　I maintain all children should develop their quality in an all- round way. In a word, the whole society should pay close attention to the problem of quality-oriented. Only in this way can our country and nation be the invincible position in the future.

　　何钢评点：

　　这篇作文是写我们留的这道题的吗？看起来不像，因为这幅图画和应试教育/素质教育没什么太大关系。考试的时候，要注意作文一定要切合题目本身，不要过度生搬硬套以前背过的作文。

　　如果不管内容，单从语言的角度，这位同学的英语还可以，会使用比较多样化的词语(be confronted with, do one’s utmost, be demanded to, creep, in an all-round way, invincible等等)。但也有不少语法错误(do their utmost for---for应为to; quality-oriented是形容词成分，后面应该加名词；be incline to应为be inclined to; add和ability不能搭配。)有的句子内容不完整(The matter is difficult)。

　　：★【请何老师修改】

　　作者：泰坦战士　

　　It is universally acknowledged that end-point is the symbol of sucess. It also means that one has achived his goal.

　　As is betrayed in the picture above, a runner reached his end-point but he doesn't stop becasue there is a new start-point under his feet. The track of his running is just a circle. What the picture reveals is thought-provoking.

　　The implied meaning of the picture, I think, can be briefly stated as follows. First of all, it doesn't means that success is the end of ones' struggle. The reason why we emphasize this point which is profound to many college students is obvious. When they've been enrolled in the university, they think that life is beautiful, and what they need to do is enjoying the free happy life .Even worse, while some do think that they have succeeded and they are absorbing in net suffering or engaged his most time with girlfriends or boyfriend, some others are confused and even give up his original dream.

　　So, everyone is obliged to aware that end-point just means a whole new beginning.

　　What the picture tries to convey is that success of life is more a circle than a beeline. But in my opinion, success or life is no merely a simply circle, it means a start point of a higher and more promising goal. Had we realized the essence of the end-point, life will be beautiful.

　　何钢评点：考研大作文是按照内容、结构、语言的准确性、语言的多样化四点来评分的。

　　内容：相当不错。完整而且比较深入。但如果考官改卷不细心的话，可能会觉得你的举例不够清晰。

　　结构：你完全清楚考研作文在结构方面是怎么回事。

　　语言：可能因为是打字的缘故，一开始有些拼写错误(sucess/success, achive/achieve, becasue/because)，但后来就没有了。第一句的end point前应该加上定冠词the。第二段第一句reached应为has reached，start-point应为starting-point或者start。别的地方还有一些语法和用词错误。套路和套句的实用比较得体而且准确。文章总的来说还是挺好的，得分应该在15分左右。

　　最要命的是考试时有的好词没把握,或者有话写不出怎么办?

　　作者：泰坦战士

　　是赌博一把,把好词按照影响写上去,还是弄一个俗的顶替下?这个问题是指的在很多个好词出现危机的情况下,也就是说如果赌上了,文章很出彩,如果赌输了,那么肯定是要扣分的吧?怎么办呀?

　　用中文可以构思出很多话,但是一写就完蛋了,主要还是单词的问题,请问最后能有补救吗?谢谢老师了!祝愿老师过个好年!

　　何钢评点：

　　我的建议是首先追求准确，然后才谈得上所谓的好词。词语的好与不好，关键不在单词本身，而在于使用是否得当。如果没有把握，那么宁可先用简单一点的。当然，你也可以愿赌服输。

　　我的作文，请老师指点

　　作者：幽花飞雨　

　　The end, our destination which has always be viewed as a place to take a rest has in many cases proven out to be a new start. There is, as is portrayed in the picture, a man running to the end which seems a another start in the playground. The most striking features of the cartoon may be the dripping sweat of the runner.

　　Simple as the picture is, the author tends to convey a more profounding meaning that has to be taken seriously. In our lives, there are various success as well as frustration. However, the attitude of dealing with the same matter differs one to another. It is supported that we obliged to possess a kind of positive belief when we finished a long and tedious work. Only in this way can we view the accomplishment not just a end but a new start so that a fresh vigor injected ourselves to begin the new assignment.

　　A small case exist to support my view. Almost everyone would undergo the process of learning from kindergarden to universities. Every stage is both an end and a new start for the next stage so that we can enhance our skill to accommodate the changeable society.

　　何钢评点：

　　内容：完整而且切题。第一段不仅描述了图画的主要方面，而且点了题。

　　结构：清晰连贯。

　　语言：profounding meaning应为profound meaning；there are various success as well as frustration改为there are successes as well as frustrations；differ one to another应为differ from one to another；It is supported that we obliged to possess…改为It is better to hold…；Only in this way这一句改为Only in this way can we view the accomplishment not just as an end but also a new start. so that后面没有实质内容，可删去；A small case exist to…exist用的不恰当，改为Take the following case as an example.最后一句里的enhance our skill to accommodate the changeable society不恰当，应该改为enhance our skills to fit in with the ever-changing society.

　　总的来说不错，可以打16分左右。

　　我要喝

　　Indicated above is a picture that shows an athlele is about to finish his running. Although he sweats all over, as far as he is concerned, a new start point will rise when he finishes the running, which means a terminal also stands for a new start point.

　　Simple as the picture is, the author tends to convey a significant meaning that has to be taken seriousl. It is widely accepted that we should not be satisfied with out present achievement. New challenges and competition never stop. The competitive society drives many people studying hard for higher education, even some people seek for opportunities to study abroad. Thanks to people's continuous development, our country will be more powerful. This tendency, i believe, will be going on an exhilarating direction.

　　Numerous cases can illustrate my view but one will suffice. Take myself for example. In order to make me have more competitivity in such a rapid development of society. I must go for the master degree after graduate from my collage. So, for me, a finish line is also the starting point.

　　何钢评点：

　　内容：切题。但模仿范文的痕迹较浓。

　　结构：清晰。

　　语言：第一段中的as far as he is concerned属于废话，不要以为可以给你增加字数或者算闪光表达，应毫不犹豫删去。start point应该改为starting point或者start；第二段中，drive应该是drive sb to do sth；even是副词，不能连接两个主谓结构，前面应该加上连词and；第三段中，make me more competitivity应该是make me more competitive；after是介词，后面接graduation或者graduating；a finish line？不行，a finishing line。但用词的多样性和句子的多样化方面做得不错。

　　得分15。

　　小作文是否用写题目？

　　何钢回答：如果考书信，不用写。如果考notice，最好根据题目要求写上。

　　bizarrecn　

　　As vividly depicted in the picture, the athlete at last reaches the final line in the running competition after making relentless and persistent efforts. However, to him to reach the final line in the running is by no means the end, instead, the starting point. Indeed, the picture profoundly reflects that in daily life when we reach an aim, we should not come to a halt, instead we should keep on and try to obtain much more achievements in future.

　　Like the athlete in the picture, we should not be content with what we have achieved at present, instead we should continue to be in hot pursuit of the more lofty and uphill goal. In daily life, we are confronted with the similar situation. For example, if I luckily pass this entrance examinations of postgraduates, it is by no means the end, instead I will continue to further study. More importantly, I will as always study diligently to absorb as much as possible in the campus.

　　Meanwhile, when we refer to the “The end is also the starting point ”, the starting point is not the same point as the beginning, because this starting point is more meaningful and colorful. For example, when I became a postgraduate, I should have much larger scope of knowledge and better idea of the terms like “life , work , study and the value of the world” so that we can better study and work.

　　The meaning of the above picture is really profound, which serves as a motto guiding us to keep on and never be satisfied with what we have achieved.

　　何钢评点：

　　这是一篇好文章(你的文章一点也不bizarreJ)。内容和结构没有任何大的问题。

　　语言：第一段，instead前加上连词but；第二段，the similar situation改为similar situations；事实上，你的instead用得有点多，有的地方可以换用同义词，比如on the contrary和but等。但你的作文在语言方面显示出你想当扎实的英语基础。

　　本篇文章可以拿18分左右。

　　tata_pig　

　　As is shown in the picture, an active young man arriving at the finishing line has to continue his new journey instead of stopping to have a rest.

　　It goes without saying that the drawings aim at revealing that "the finishing line is the next starting line". With the increasing pace of modern life, we shoud not satified with the present acchievement, for the competitions never stop. During whole of our life ,we have to study or work and never stop, for instance, when you graduate from your college, maybe you think you finished your studies. But in actually, there are so many new things you must study and your new life has just started. You must learn how to find a job and when you get a satisfied position you must master hoe to get along with your colleague and so on.

　　To sum up, as long as we are alive, we has to never stop. People in the society will develop a forward-looking attitude and make their life worth living and the world will be more beautiful as well.

　　何钢评点：

　　内容和结构没什么大问题。

　　语言：第二段，这只是一幅图，所以the drawings改为the drawing；shoud not satified with应该改为should not be satisfied with；During whole of our life改为In our life；you finished改为you have finished；in actually改为in fact或者actually；a satisfied position改为a satisfying position；第三段，we has to改为we have to(这个算较严重错误)，最好改为we should never stop；其次，你的最后一句话完全照抄了高等教育出版社出版的某考生高分作文。我的建议是你可以学习和模仿，但照抄全句可能在考试中会带来失分。

　　文章可得13分。

　　ceciliabreeze　

　　The drawing shows that a man running to the ends will have a new start to go. And there is a sentence that the ends is also a new start under the picture. In fact, everybody will meet or have met this problem that "should we start with pians or keep no change?"

　　In many people' mind, the answer is to start. However, so many people keep the attitude only in their thought without any action. We often heard much "if", such as "if I went on study I would also be a successfull man like him". He may have so many reasons but all are excuse. Some people have a wrong idea that climbing a mountain to the summit can never do any efforts to climb the next higher mountain. But your success is only standing for your past. Do not let the past hinder your next success.

　　In such a competitive society, we have no chance to reject changes as long as we want to live, and furthermore live better. So why aren't we postive to face the challenge? Although you will meet lots of difficulties and even failures, it is better than doing nothing. All of us should always keep forword and have actions, such as we make our efforts to pass this exam today. Any efforts will have rewards. Failures also give us a lecture. Thus, we are always in the start and do avtions bravely.

　　何钢评点：

　　内容和结构写得还可以。

　　语言：第一段，to go删掉；the ends错，应为the end；第二段，excuse改为excuses；a wrong idea that…改为the wrong idea that(后面的同位语从句是个病句，看不太懂)；第三段，such as是介词，不可以后面接句子。文章有一些短句内容不够完整，有的长句意思不明。

　　文章可以得10分左右。

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