孩子早恋家长[微博]合理介入的高招

　　And while parents' dating advice may seem about aswelcomed by teens as the swine flu, the research suggests theopposite--that young people not only value parental input, but tendto have healthier relationships when they receive parentaladvice.

　　尽管父母在恋爱上的建议看似像甲型H1N1流感一样让孩子们讨厌，研究却发现并不是这样，年轻人不仅看重家长的看法，当他们收到家长的建议时往往还会有更健康的关系。

　　Long dismissedby researchers as trivial and fleeting, teen romance is emerging asa powerful factor in kids' development--one in which parents have amajor role to play, new studies show. The romantic ties kids formbetween middle school and college are important markers of progresstoward adulthood; their choice of partners as early as middleschool actually shapes their development to a surprisingdegree。

　　长期以来，研究人员都认为少年情事是微不足道、昙花一现的。但新的研究显示，它在孩子的成长过程中却是一个重要的因素，家长也要在其中扮演重要的角色。孩子在中学到大学期间形成的恋爱关系是他们走向成人道路上的重要标志。孩子在中学时代对伴侣的选择实际上会对他们的发展带来令人吃惊的影响。

　　The studiesserve as bedrock for parents in an era of dizzying changes inyouthful romance. Many adults see little that is familiar intoday's teen dating relationships, which may seem to live and dieentirely on Facebook, or through texting, sexting or--to parents'dismay--casual "hookups", or brief sexual liaisons。

　　在年轻人的恋爱关系发生了令人目眩的变化的时代，这些研究可以作为家长们遵循的一个基本原则。很多成年人并没有在如今年轻人的恋爱关系中发现任何熟悉的地方，现在年轻人的恋爱似乎完全是靠Facebook或通过发短信或暧昧短信，或是让感到家长不安的，随意的交往或短暂性关系来进行的。

　　"It is an areawhere parents aren't quite sure what to do," says Stephanie Madsen,an associate professor of psychology at McDaniel College,Westminster, Md. Now, emerging research "can offer some solidinformation on what is helpful, and what's not."

　　马里兰州麦克丹尼尔学院心理学副教授麦德森说，这是一个家长不知道如何去做的领域。现在，新的研究可以提供一些实实在在的信息，告诉你哪些做法有用，哪些没用。

　　Young peoplewhose parents make themselves available to talk withthem or give advice about dating tend to have warmer, closer, morepositive romantic relationships, with less fighting and tension,reveals a study by Dr. Madsen and others of 225 young adults ages22 to 29. If parents don't offer help, however, and keep out ofoffsprings' love lives altogether, that is linked in theiroffspring to poorer-quality relationships, including less affectionand support and more conflict。

　　麦德森等人对225位年龄在22到29岁的年轻人进行了研究。他们发现，那些乐于和孩子就恋爱进行交流或提供建议的家长，他们的孩子的恋爱关系更温暖、亲密、积极，打架和紧张的情况更少。不过，如果父母不给予帮助，对孩子的情事不闻不问，那么孩子的恋爱关系质量会较差，包括缺乏亲密和支持，有更多的冲突。

　　Young peoplelike it best when parents take a consulting or coaching role,listening--and offering advice only when asked, Dr. Madsensays。

　　麦德森说，年轻人最喜欢的方式是，父母只有在孩子要求的时候，才会扮演顾问或指导员的角色，倾听并提供建议。

　　Even whenparents think a relationship is unhealthy, it is best to avoidhanding down judgments or giving orders; young people may regardthat as encroaching on their independence. Rather than saying, "youhave to break up with this person," try reflecting on "what you'reseeing that seems unhealthy, or that worries you," Dr. Madsensays。

　　就算父母认为孩子的恋爱关系不健康，最好也是避免简单地作判断和发命令；年轻人可能会把这视为是侵犯自己的独立。不要说“你必须和这个人断交”，而是努力表达出“你认为看起来不健康或让你担心”的事。

　　Startinghealthy new dating relationships also serves as a signal of kids'overall readiness to launch from the parental nest. Young peoplewhose romantic relationships are nurturing and close also tend tohave reached more milestones of adult development, including astronger sense of personal identity and an ability to care forother family members, says a study of 710 people ages 18 to 26 ledby Carolyn M. Barry, an associate professor of psychology at LoyolaUniversity Maryland。

　　开始健康的新恋爱关系也是孩子基本准备好要离开父母的羽翼的信号。马里兰洛约拉大学心理学副教授卡罗林M·贝瑞牵头对710位年龄在18至26岁的年轻人进行了研究。结果表明，那些恋爱关系有助于成长并且密切的年轻人也往往会在成长的道路上达到更多的里程碑，包括更强的自我认知感和关心家人的能力。

　　Finally, in afinding termed "striking" by researchers, romantic relationships asearly as middle school seem to have a formative influence on teens'social and emotional health. In a study of 78 middle-schoolstudents published last year in Child Development, researchersrated teens and their boyfriends or girlfriends on depressivesymptoms, and on peer reports of popularity, aggression, fightingand victimization via bullying or teasing; 11 months later, theyrated the teens and their partners again。

　　最后，中学建立起来的恋爱关系看起来对青少年形成健康的社会和情感关系有着影响，研究人员称这一结果令人震惊。《儿童发展》期刊去年发表了一项对78位中学生的研究。研究人员将青少年和他们的男／女朋友根据抑郁症状进行打分，并根据周围同龄人对其受欢迎的程度、攻击性、打架和受欺负与受嘲弄进行打分。11个月之后，他们对这些孩子和他们的伴侣再次打分。

　　Teens who hadmore problems at the first rating, but who picked healthierboyfriends or girlfriends, became mentally and socially healthierthemselves by the second rating. However, low-functioning teens whopicked partners who also had a lot of problems tended to staystuck. The findings, says the study by Valerie Simon, an assistantprofessor of clinical psychology at Wayne State University,Detroit, and others, suggest 'romantic partners are unique andsignificant' influences in kids' lives。

　　在第一次打分中有较多问题、但挑选了较健康的男朋友或女朋友的孩子在第二次打分中的心理和社交上都更健康。不过，那些自身就是问题孩子、又选择了有很多问题的人做男朋友／女朋友的孩子往往没有改观。研究是由底特律韦恩州立大学临床心理学助理教授瓦莱丽·西蒙等人进行的。西蒙说，这项研究表明恋爱对象对孩子的生活有着独特和重要的影响。

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