热身词语

　　image: the idea in people's minds

　　public aid: money from the government for poor people

　　freeloader: a person who wants things but does not want to work for them

　　live off: allow others to take care of them financially

　　on an even keel: on the same level

　　The image people have of public aid is black women with a lot of kids. Before I went on public aid, I had that impression: the more babies you have, the more money you get. I realized that you get three dollars a day if you have another baby. That's not going to raise a kid. I thought they were freeloaders, who like to live off other people. But when I was forced on public aid, my opinion changed. I was on an even keel with them. We all sat there in the office and waited five or six hours at a time. They weren't getting special treatment. They wereshavingshard times, too.

　　get one: make one angry

　　Hispanics: people from South America

　　holler: complain; yell

　　minority: a smaller portion of the population (especially applied to race)

　　What gets me is this: I'm on public aid. I'm trying to stay in school and apply for all these scholarships. Blacks and Hispanics have hollered so much, they've got these scholarships. Even single white men can get scholarships if they have kids. But it's hard for a single white woman to get a scholarship, because you're not a minority.

　　hand-me-down: old clothes that are not worn out and given to others

　　baby-sit: take care of someone else's children for a short period (usually a few hours)

　　stuck: unable to get out of a situation

　　walk out: your marriage partner leaves you

　　If you're a woman, you're supposed to take care of your kids if you're left alone with them. If men are left with kids, it's "Oh, that poor guy." All the women in the neighborhood are cooking and bringing him food and finding hand-me-down clothes for the kids and babysit for free, so he's not stuck at home. Everybody's helping him. But if you're a white woman and your husband has walked out leaving her with kids-forget it.

　　register: sign your name to take part in something

　　nursing school: a school where you learn to be a nurse

　　deny: take away

　　lose out: make a loss; have no success

　　hit: become clear

　　tuition: school fees

　　I've just registered for my last year in nursing school. I won't be able to go back because the scholarship I got last year was just denied me. They said it was a Hispanic scholarship and enough Hispanics applied, so I lost out. It just hit me. This week. I can't afford the tuition, so I don't know if I'm ever going back.

　　half-Cherokee: mother or father was Cherokee Indian (one kind of American Indian)

　　At this school, they have the American Indian club that gives scholarships. Even a Thai club. Of course there are black scholarships. But none for the single white woman. My dad was half-Cherokee. Maybe I can qualify as a half-Cherokee.

　　hot-dog stand: a stall that sells hot-dogs as snacks

　　call for: require

　　deposit: a required fee when renting an apartment; if you're apartment is not damaged, you get the fee back when you move out

　　I went on public aid when my job at the hot-dog stand ended and my house burned down. I lost everything. On public aid, they gave me . That was supposed to get me an apartment, replace all my furniture and all the kids' clothes. The cheapest apartment called for a deposit. It doesn't leave anything.

　　poster: a large paper notice or advertisement attached to a wall

　　GED: General Educational Development- a certificate you can get if you did not finish high-school to show you have an education level equivalent to a high school diploma

　　cinch: would surely get…

　　straight A's: get the top mark for every course

　　find out: discover

　　I noticed a poster on the wall: public aid helps returning to school. I had a GED. I took the test and placed into the highest class. They were telling me about the scholarships and said I was a cinch. I got one last year and carried straight A's. But I found out last week I'm not a minority and out.

　　86 average: the average for all courses of 86

　　registered nurse: a certified nurse

　　There goes my 86 average and my dream of becoming a registered nurse. It's something I've always wanted and never thought possible. I got so close. "I'm sorry, but this time we have enough Hispanics."

　　this way: something like this

　　through: experience

　　widowed: the status after one's husband dies

　　take off: abandon one's family

　　This is the first time in my life I'm really mad this way. It's a new feeling for me, and I don't know how to deal with it. My boyfriend is Mexican and my best girlfriend is Puerto Rican and very black. I've never been prejudiced, but why the hell are you doing this to me? I've been through enough. I was widowed at seventeen and married again and my husband took off, leaving me with two kids. Just because I'm white, I don't get something?

　　short end: a situation that is not beneficial to you

　　Always on TV, whenever you hear blacks making speeches, it's "White people won't let us do this or that; we're put down."All of a sudden, they're giving me the short end.

　　band: gather together

　　speak out: as a group, to make a statement in public or to the government about a problem

　　Who is "they"? The minorities. No, I don't mean that. I'm not saying they're doing bad. They band together and speak out when they're hurt and get something done. Right now, I'm just upset. I'm mad at people in general. Women in my position are being denied something because of the racial issue. It's crazy.

　　tear sb. apart: feel very bad, worried, and upset

　　on the point of : almost ready to

　　to hell with it: forget it

　　I never, never had any racist feelings. In that small country town, I never distinguished between people because of color. There's black people living in my building. We get along great. I've never looked at myself as better than they are. But with this scholarship thing, I deserved it. Just because their skin's darker than mine, why should they get it and I don't? It's the first time I've had feelings like this and it makes me very uncomfortable. All this happened last week and it's hard to deal with. I'm really torn apart. Last week, I was on the point of saying, "To hell with it. I'm going back to Tennessee with my girls to raise corn and beans."

　　be robbed of: have something "stolen" (unfairly taken) from you

　　have it counted down: have already figured it out

　　food stamp: tickets from the government given to people in government aid programs for food

　　laundry detergent: the powder you use to wash clothes

　　I feel like I've been robbed of a chance to finish school. I had it counted down. I already had a job promised me in a hospital. I would be making an hour for the first time in my life. I could feed my kids without begging, borrowing, or stealing. Selling food stamps is considered stealing. I get a month to live on. My rent's . So that leaves me . You can't pay lights and gas and everything else. So you end up selling a few food stamps to buy laundry detergent.

　　tortilla: a kind of flat pancake (like "he ye bing")

　　For food, you buy a lot of rice and flour, make tortillas. That's all your kids have. They're the ones who are punished, whether you're white, black, or anything else. I was so sure that in a year, I'd have a job where I could feed my kids without feeling the way I do. I wouldn't have them laughed at in school because they get free meals. They wouldn't have to suffer that any more. Now ...

　　My Puerto Rican black friend and I always applied for the same scholarships. We were always among the top in grades. She was straight A's all the way. We were promised jobs at the same hospital. We were in school together since the first day. This year, she got the scholarship, I didn't. She came to the house and said, "Don't be mad at me." I'm not. She's still my best friend. It's just-why?

　　tell: see; know

　　mumble: say something in a low and unclear way

　　We were sitting in my truck. I told her I got my letter. She ran out, checked her mail, and she's gotten hers. We didn't open them until we were together. She could tell by the look on my face. "What's the matter?" "I didn't get it. Did you?" She mumbled, "Yeah," and wouldn't let me see her letter. For a minute I was so mad at her. "I just want to kill you." We're still great friends. I'm glad she's making it, she deserves it.

　　go ahead: gain more financially and in other ways

　　push us back: let them get more, and therefore we get less

　　I think blacks are going ahead. They speak out, they fight for their rights, and they're getting them. We're almost afraid of them and let them push us back.

　　turn the tables: turn the situation around to be the opposite of before

　　You see the old slave-day movies. They were scared of their masters, their owners. They did what they were told. It seems like they've almost turned the tables. It's like we're scared to stand up against them now.

　　nigger: a very negative word for a black person (can be considered a curse word) 

　　mix: share in the neighborhood with others

　　In the small town where I was from, we had our part and there was nigger town. They stayed there and never came out. They'd just come in, get groceries, and leave. They just didn't mix. They didn't bother anybody and we didn't bother them. When I moved to the city, everybody was together all of a sudden.

　　break: a rest period during class

　　I didn't prefer it the old way. No-o-o-o! When I went to City-Wide College, my supervisor was a black lady. She just knew when there was something wrong. I'd sit at my desk half-crying. I'd gotten my second five-day notice that month to move out of my apartment. One of my classmates told her. When I came back from my break, there was a check on my desk to cover my rent. I tried to pay her back, but she said, "No, that's my gift to you." I would never have dreamed there was a black person like that when I was in Tennessee.

　　bureaucracy: organized parts of society like businesses or government offices 

　　make the noise: complain about problems publicly

　　I don't believe black people should be pushed back. But I don't feel because I'm white, I should be either. It goes both ways. I don't think the gap is that big on a street level, not in my neighborhood. But when you get into the bureaucracy, business, and school, it's those big people making the noise.

　　be intimidated: feel afraid because someone or something else appears very strong

　　Tribune: the name of a newspaper

　　make it through: be able to complete

　　semester: school term

　　I myself am not intimidated. I would never have written that letter to the Tribune.I wouldn't have made it through three years of college. I got married when I was sixteen and dropped out of high school. I never dreamed I'd go to college. Here I am two semesters away from my graduation. It looks like I'm stopped for a while, but you can't sit back and never open your mouth.