(1)

　　Why Many Students Are So Poor at English Writing

　　提示:

　　1.很多中国学生的英文写作能力很弱;

　　2.造成这一现象的原因;

　　3.我该怎么做.

　　学生初稿:

　　Many students in China are poor at English writing. Although they have learned English for many years, they can't express their opinions, feelings and ideas by writing correctly and there are some grammar mistakes in the articles (1). The worst thing is that they don't have the habit of thinking by (2) English so that many English articles they write are Chinese-English.

　　These are the reasons why the students in China are not good at English writing skills:firstly, English (3) is not our native language. We don't use English (4) as usual (5) as possible. Secondly, there are many differences between Chinese and English. We can't speak English in the right way but in our own manner. Thirdly, we don't have sufficient chances to improve our English.

　　In order to improve my writing skills I will do as the followings. First, I will try to remember as many words and useful phrases as possible. And (6) read model passages (7). Second, I will write diaries and try to find the mistakes in them by myself or ask someone else(8) to do so.

　　修改建议:

　　(1)"some"使用不确切,改为"many",因为优秀的作文也难免出现"some grammar mistakes",能够作到"无重大语法错误"就算是好文章了.为了增强表现力,不妨将整句改为"their compositions are full of different types of errors."这样可以充分表达本段的主题句,说明中国学生的英文写作能力弱是个不容忽视的大问题.这里的"full of"并非夸大其辞,事实上能够值得一改的文章足以让教师欣喜若狂了,很多习作只能宣布报废.

　　(2)操某种语言,用介词"in". 同理"用你自己的话告诉我."翻译成英语是:"Tell me in your own words."

　　(3) 用人称代词"it"替换"English".

　　(4)用等同词"the language"替换"English".

　　(5)词性使用不当,改"usual"为"usually".

　　(6) 与上句合并,"read"与"remember"并列,同作"try"的宾语.

　　(7) 提法欠妥.背诵范文的多与少会有截然不同的效果,没有一定量的积累不会产生质变.所以前面加修饰词 "a great number of ",与"as many as possible"相呼应.

　　(8) 前后不一致,考生须要开阔一点"视野".这句话的主语是"I","I find mistakes by myself "顺理成章,后面怎么可能接"by someone else"?这句话分开论述为宜.

　　修改后的文章:

　　Many students in China are poor at English writing. Although they have learned English for many years, they can't express their opinions, feelings and ideas by writing correctly and their compositions are full of different types of errors. The worst thing is that they don't have the habit of thinking in English so that many English articles they write are Chinese-English.

　　These are the reasons why the students in China are not good at English writing skills: firstly, it is not our native language; we don't use the language as usually as possible. Secondly, there are many differences between Chinese and English. We can't speak English in the right way but in our own manner. Thirdly, we don't have sufficient chances to improve our English.

　　In order to improve my writing skills I will do as the followings. First, I will try to remember as many words and useful phrases as possible and read a great number of model passages. Second, I will write diaries and try to find the mistakes in them and ask someone else for help when necessary.

　　点评:

　　本文内容丰富,思维严密科学.第一段从不同的侧面说明学生写作能力薄弱.文章首先指出表达困难,即使表达出来,也是错误百出,最严重的是汉语式思维.事实的确如此,作者指出了学外语最大的困难,排除母语的干扰比避免语法错误要难得多,排除母语干扰须要学习者用心体会英语的特点.

　　第二段更具专业水准,层层剖析英语难写的根源.文章认为,英语是我们的外语,而且这门外语与汉语存在很大差别,看似废话,其实不然.外语和外语是不一样的,有的外语与汉语差别相对小些,如日本语.

　　最后一段列举一系列的方法,这些方法都是行之有效的.其中写日记与上段的"Thirdly, we don't have sufficient chances to improve our English."呼应.文章并未就此结束,而是继续阐述,这是符合科学规律的,一味地练习,不假思索,不反复修改,并不能提高英文写作水平,甚至使错误"石化".简单的量变不能引起质变,加强自检能力非常必要.另一个不容忽视的问题是,一个人头脑中固有的错误很难自己发现,所以请别人帮忙是非常必要的.

　　从这篇百余词的文章,不难看出该考生知识面广,考虑问题有广度、有深度,观察事物角度多.仅就内容这一点,本文实属不可多得的佳作.无论汉语作文还是英语作文,内容始终占第一位,是评分的首要标准.偏离主题必然南辕北辙,缺乏充实的内容,再高超的写作技巧也是枉然.

　　(2)

　　Tourism in China

　　Directions: In this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write a composition on the topic "Tourism in China". The first sentence of each paragraph is given in Chinese.

　　1.长假期刺激了旅游;

　　2.但也带来了问题;

　　3.如何解决这些问题.

　　学生初稿:

　　With the developing(1) of economic(2), tourism is the (3) most popular industry in

　　China today. The reasons are that we Chinese have longer vocations(4) and that more and more people take the opportunity to pay a visit to some scenic spots for enjoyment and relaxation. Many Chinese work hard and save enough money during working times in order to enjoy touring attractions in the country during the vacation.

　　Though tourism is a good thing, but(5) there are many new problems associated with it. For example, the stations are more busy(6) coping with tourists. Again, the large number of visitors threaten the surroundings we live in. It is reported that beautiful places become seas of littered cans, plastic bags and other rubbish after the long vacation.

　　Faced with the problems(7), we need to strengthen the awareness of the importance of the environment(8). I think if government departments help each other, the problems aren't problems.(9) Most important of all, strict rules and measures are called for to ensure the safe and sound growth of Chinese tourism.

　　修改建议:

　　(1)这里应该用名词形式,而不是动名词.

　　(2)词性使用不当.介词"of "必须跟"economy",而不是形容词"economic".

　　(3)如此使用形容词的最高级形式明显不妥,因为中国蓬勃发展的行业有若干,如:IT,电信等.加上介词"among"能解决这一矛盾,或者去掉定冠词"the"后,最高级"most"只表示程度.

　　(4)两个相似单词的拼写发生混淆:vacation(假期); vocation(职业).因此,考生平时学习词汇时,要迎难而上,严格区分似是而非的一组组词.如:precious与previous/ region与religion等.

　　(5)"though"引导状语从句,而"but"连接并列分句.因此二者不可同时使用.这与汉语中的"虽然"、"但是"截然相反.

　　(6)形容词比较级滥用."busy"是单音节词,因此比较级加"-er",而不是借助"more".

　　(7)如果"problems"后面加上"above",会使上下两段衔接得更紧密.

　　(8)"环境问题"越来越成为热门话题,也频繁进入考试.因此,"环境"的单词拼写务必准确.

　　(9)这个句子不符合英语的表达习惯,需改进.

　　修改后的文章:

　　With the development of the economy, tourism is among the most popular industry in China today. The reasons are that we Chinese have longer vacations and that more and more people take the opportunity to pay a visit to some scenic spots for enjoyment and relaxation. Many Chinese work hard and save enough money during working times in order to enjoy touring attractions in the country during the vacation.

　　Though tourism is a good thing, there are many new problems associated with it. For example, the stations are busier coping with tourists. Again, the large number of visitors threaten the surroundings we live in. It is reported that beautiful places become seas of littered cans, plastic bags and other rubbish after the long vacation.

　　Faced with the above problems, we need to strengthen awareness of the importance of the environment. I think if government departments help each other, the problems would no longer exist. Most important of all, strict rules and measures are called for to ensure the safe and sound growth of Chinese tourism.

　　(文/王宗宽; 英语通大学英语四级考试版2004年第3期;版权归英语辅导报社所有，独家网络合作伙伴新浪教育，未经许可，不得以任何形式进行转载。)