“像王先生这种情况现在社会上很普遍。 据我们中心的统计数据显示目前我国60%的婚姻都处在严重的亚健康状态。这些家庭的夫妻双方“无话可说”或“缺乏热情”，出现婚外情，但又没有恶化到婚姻破裂的地步。其实这是一种潜在的婚姻危机，一旦处理不当便会导致家庭破。”舒心介绍说。

　　舒心分别跟李爽和另外那个女人进行了长谈。长谈之后舒心发现王欢的妻子好多方面其实都占优。说话得体、学历高、人很漂亮也很有气质，更主要的是她深深的爱着丈夫和孩子。而另一个女人显然也是陷入热恋之中，但是对未来特别是要当一个九岁孩子的妈妈毫无准备。

　　舒心说，他把自己对两个女人的看法完完整整的告诉了王欢。为了帮助他做决定，舒心还让两个人同时给王欢写封信里面是最想对他说的话。

　　“如我所料，王欢在看了妻子的信后哭着说我都忘了我们曾经有那么多美好的日子，我们走到一起多么不容易。”舒心说，“他们的结局不错，王最终选择回归家庭，给了女孩一套房子作为补偿。”

　　“我跟妻子又找回了刚结婚时的感觉。现在有空我们就一起出去玩，儿子特别喜欢我们三口在一起。”王欢说舒老师帮了他的大忙，让他的婚姻起死回生。

　　但是舒心认为，那是因为他的婚姻还没到非离不可的程度，他只是从中起到了润滑剂的作用。在舒心看来除了一个婚姻同时满足“无性”、“无爱”、“无话”的三个标准，绝大部分的离婚如果婚姻当事人通过科学咨询和服务干预后，其实都是可以挽救的。

　　China's divorce rate has risen sharply in recent years, sounding alarm bells across a nation that attaches great importance to family harmony. Experts have warned that more measures are needed to save increasingly fragile families. If they fail, the consequences could be disastrous。

　　Thirteen million couples were married in 2011, an increase of 4.9 percent from 2010, according to the Ministry of Civil Affairs. However, the year also saw 2.87 million marriages end in divorce, a rise of 7.3 percent from 2010 and equal to more than 5,000 couples divorcing every day。

　　The reasons can seem trivial and sometimes even comical. Shu is working on a case in which a husband has filed for divorce because he and his wife are unable to agree on which set of parents they will stay with during Spring Festival next year. The husband insisted on the divorce after his wife muttered some vague, angry words about his parents。

　　Another seemingly trivial case Shu recalled was that of a businessman who wanted to divorce his wife after she inadvertently broke wind and embarrassed him in front of important business partners during a very formal meeting。

　　"Many cases have been reported where the couple divorced within a year of marriage. In the most extreme cases, couples have registered and divorced on the same day. People are too hasty in getting married and lack a sense of responsibility to both family and society," said Wu Changzhen, a professor who specializes in civil, marital and family law at China University of Political Science and Law。

　　"No nationwide data is available on cases where divorce has resulted in criminal activity, for example when a spurned spouse has arranged for his or her former partner to be beaten or worse. But our research during recent years indicates that the high divorce rate is actually proportionate to a rise in criminal cases. Most murders are the result of extramarital affairs. It's of the utmost importance that we take the necessary measures to intervene and save failing marriages," she said。

　　Chen Yiyun, a marriage researcher at the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences, said: "Many people will laugh when they hear some of the reasons for divorce, but for me it's not funny at all. Society will disintegrate if the family dissolves, and this is a fundamental cause of many social problems. It not only affects the lives, work and families of those who divorce, it also affects their children's upbringing。

　　"The rate of juvenile crime committed by children from single-parent families is three times higher than that of children from integrated families. The rising numbers of extramarital affairs and domestic violence also increasingly threaten social stability and greatly raise the cost of law enforcement."

　　'Marital medics'

　　"Running a marriage is just like running a business. Couples need to communicate and a 'cold war' is never recommended as a way of solving marital problems. On the contrary, the longer a failing marriage keeps limping along, the greater the likelihood of an irrevocable breakdown," said Chen。

　　"If a person is in poor health, they need to see a doctor, otherwise long-term neglect could eventually lead to a fatal disease. Failing marriages are very similar. When problems arise, the couple needs to see a 'doctor' to diagnose the problem and regain their marital health," she said。

　　中国的离婚率近几年持续增长，已经给我们这个自古就崇尚家庭和谐家和万事兴的国度敲响了警钟。婚姻问题和婚姻法等方面的专家认为如果不尽早对婚姻问题进行调节和干预，由此引发的一系列社会问题将对非常严重，成为导致社会不稳定的主要因素之一。

　　根据民政部门统计，2011年依法办理离婚手续的有287.4万对，增长7.3%，粗离婚率为2.13‰,比上年增加0.13个千分点。相当于我国每天有5000多个家庭解体。

　　而除了婚外恋这个主要的婚姻杀手之外，离婚的原因也是多种多样，很多是因为家庭琐事或是意气用事。舒心最近处理的一个案子就是小夫妻因为过年去谁家要离婚。

　　“现在结婚一年内就离婚的人数也在增长。甚至有极端的例子当天结当天离。人们对待婚姻的态度变得越来越盲目，十分不可取，这间接也体现出人们对于婚姻中自己和双方家庭责任的缺乏。”中国政法大学[微博]教授，中国法学会婚姻家庭研究会名誉会长巫昌祯教授介绍到。

　　她说虽然目前她手中没有权威的统计数据，但是从她的研究中发现离婚率的上升与刑事案件的上升是成正比的，很多杀人和伤害案件起因都是婚外情。巫教授认为进行婚姻指导、干预、提高婚姻质量已经迫在眉睫，必须予以重视。

　　“很多人面对五花八门的离婚原因一笑置之，但是对于我们来说这其实是很严重的社会问题需要解决。家庭是社会构成最小的单位，如果这个最小的单位瓦解、不稳定，且数量增多，不仅仅是当事人自己和双方家庭，孩子，还会直接导致很多社会问题，而这并不是危言耸听。”中国社科院研究员、中国婚姻家庭研究会专家委员会副主任陈一筠教授说。

　　陈教授说，这些问题如果任由其发展而得不到及时有效、妥善正确的处理解决，其后果不仅会严重影响个体的生活质量、阻碍事业成功、导致婚姻家庭的失衡，也将是造成国家经济发展滞后、社会秩序混乱的潜在危机隐患。

　　陈教授认为夫妻离异对当事者各方都造成不良影响，其中最大的代价是由孩子承担的。生活在单亲家庭的孩子往往表现出各种心理与行为问题。孩子的健康成长和学业会受到父母离异的严重影响。有数据表明，在有心理疾患的孩子中，60%以上来自不和谐或解体的家庭；单亲家庭的青少年发生违法犯罪的几率是双亲家庭中同龄人的3倍。除此之外，由此带来的社会问题也间接增加了社会的执法成本。

　　舒心说，其实婚姻就像人的一生一样，也会生病，生病了就要看医生，而且越早越好。不然病态越久最后的结果就是死亡。所以当婚姻发生问题的时候，也要找“婚姻医生”找出问题所在对症下药才会保持婚姻的健康。

　　Realizing the social hazards inherent in high rates of divorce, while seeking to improve the quality of marriage and help people solve their marital crises, the Ministry of Civil Affairs is promoting the Family Harmony Project。

　　The nonprofit program, carried out under the auspices of the ministry, was launched in Shanghai on March 6. It aims to provide a greater number of highly skilled professional councilors and psychologists to work as "marriage doctors and nurses" to enhance the work of improving relationships and maintaining social stability。

　　The first batch of 300 counselors will work in businesses and communities and with families in crisis, providing advice to 100,000 couples。

　　Two websites, jiahegongcheng and weiqing120, along with a 24-hour hotline (4008-120-089)， are available to help those in need. If a marriage cannot be repaired, the "marital medics" will also provide services to protect the legal rights of the divorcing couple。

　　The hotline receives more than 1,000 calls a day, of which 70 percent concern extramarital affairs。

　　"Marriage doctors and nurses are psychologists and marriage counselors who are keen to help marriages on the brink of failure. They volunteer to teach people how to maintain their marriage and keep it healthy and happy," said Shu。

　　"No amount of career success can replace the success of a good marriage, because career success only accompanies you for a certain time but your marriage can be with you for your entire life. I have seen so many people who drive luxury cars and own large enterprises and property, but without a happy marriage, even their careers are affected negatively. The project is meaningful and practical in solving real problems. An old Chinese proverb says 'A harmonious family can lead to success in everything'. I hope the project can be promoted nationwide, because it can be one of the most effective ways of stabilizing society," said Chen。

　　"The reasons for marital breakdown are becoming increasingly complicated and that's leading to rising demand for the expertise of the marriage doctors and nurses. Although most of the counselors are highly qualified as psychologists and marriage counselors, more training should be available," said Wei Mingzhen, founder of the first marriage hospital in Hubei province and deputy director of the China Marriage and Family Counseling Center。

　　Some names in this article have been changed to protect confidentiality。

　　为了提高婚姻质量，维护社会稳定，减少离婚对于夫妻双方家庭和孩子带来的伤害，民政部中国社会工作协会婚姻家庭工作委员会推出家和工程，　这项公益活动将为遭遇婚恋与家庭情感困扰的市民提供咨询服务与帮助。

　　家和工程上海基地3月6日正式启动，首期将投入300名婚姻医生、情感护士，他们将走进企业、社区、家庭，进行“夫妻情感保鲜、婚姻矛盾消化、家庭关系协调、敬老人爱家人”等情感维护。“家和工程”还专门建设了“家和公益网”、开通24小时热线，热线主要进行婚姻情感危机干预和离婚维权心理援助。300名专业人员持证上岗，接听电话和网络在线咨询。

　　热线开通半个月来，每天都要接到1000多个咨询电话，其中70%是咨询有关婚外情的。

　　舒心说：“我们的婚姻医生和护士绝大多数都是经验非常丰富的心理咨询师和婚姻家庭指导师，他们都对帮助大家维护婚姻稳定充满热情。”

　　“人生中没有任何成功可以代替婚姻家庭的成功。因为事业的成功只是人生的一个阶段，而婚姻家庭的成功将伴随一生。婚姻医生和护士的工作非常有意义，将会对社会稳定启动巨大作用。然而300名医生和护士还远远不够，希望这一工程可以在全国推广。” 陈一筠教授说。

　　“导致婚姻瓦解的原因越来越复杂和多种多样，同时也对我们婚姻医生和护士的工作提出了很大的挑战。尽管这些人很多已经是经验丰富的心理医生和婚姻咨询师，定期的培训来提高他们的帮扶技能更有益于提高婚姻调节的成功率，”武汉维情婚姻家庭服务有限公司首席婚姻危机处理专家魏明震建议。

上一页12下一页