造就完美伴侣关系的五“R”秘诀

　　There is a lot of research behind what makes relationships work — and not work. To keep it short, just keep the 5 R’s in mind:

　　什么能造就美满的情感关系？关于这个问题的研究非常之多。简单地说，你只要记住以下五个R开头的单词：

　　Right, Real, Rapport, Relate, Review

　　适量，真实，交流，相似，回顾

　　Let’s break them down。

　　下面让我们来仔细分析下。

　　1. Fight Right

　　1. 适量争吵

　　You might think it would be great if you could have a relationship with zero arguing. But marriages with no arguments are 35% more likely to divorce。

　　你也许觉得没有争吵的情感关系很棒。可是没有争吵的婚姻离婚的可能性要比适当争吵的夫妇高出35%。

　　Things need to be worked out and you may need to compromise.You can’t not argue and you can’t fight to the death. You need to fight right。

　　事情需要被解决，你们也需要互相迁就。你不能避免争论，也不能争吵到生命尽头。吵架要适量。

　　If you stay compassionate and show you care — even in the midst of a screaming match — you have a better shot at happiness。

　　如果你保持同情心，并表现出关心对方的一面，那么即使两人都在吼叫，你们也有更大的机会收获幸福。

　　When couples experience conflict, they are 45 percent less likely to feel pessimistic about their relationship if they can recognize feelings of caring from their partner during the disagreement. – Ebesu Hubbard 2001

　　夫妻之间吵架时，如果能够意识到对方对自己的关心，他们对情感关系的悲观态度就会减少45%。—易北苏·哈伯德在2001年讲道

　　2. Keep It Real

　　2. 保持情感的真实

　　Do you expect a fairy tale relationship? That’s a prescription for disappointment。

　　你想要童话般的感情吗？那会是失望的开始。

　　Elements of fairy tales such as Cinderella were present in 78 percent of people’s beliefs about romantic love. Those people were more likely to have experienced disillusionment, devastation, and angst in their relationships than were those who gave less credence to fairy tales. – Lockhart 2000

　　如《灰姑娘》一类的童话元素占据了78%的人们对浪漫爱情的信仰。和不那么相信童话的人们相比，这些人更可能经历情感中的幻灭、破裂和焦虑。——洛克哈特

　　The modern day equivalent of fairy tales is TV. And as you might expect, watching too much TV is correlated with unsatisfying relationships。

　　现代生活中，和童话扮演同样角色的，是电视。正如你所预期，沉迷于电视和对情感关系的不满意是相关联的。

　　People who watched an above average amount of television per day were 26 percent less likely to be satisfied with their relationship status than were people who watched a below average amount of television per day. – Hetsroni 2000

　　那些看电视超过平均时间的人对情感不满的可能性比其他人高出26%。—海慈罗尼在2000年讲道。

　　It’s all about the bar that’s set for you or the bar you set for yourself. So, as you might imagine, perfectionism does not make for a happy love life either。

　　是否满足和生活赋予你的感情标准或者你自己设定的标准有关。所以，你可以想象，完美主义也无法造就幸福的爱情生活。

　　People high in perfectionism, a hyperbelief in their own correctness and a desire to find a partner with similar traits, are 33 percent less likely to describe their relationship status as satisfying. – Flett, Hewitt, Shapiro, and Rayman 2002

　　高度完美主义者，对自己想法行为有着超乎寻常的信念，渴望找到和有和自己相似特点的伴侣。和其他人相比，这些人对情感状态不满的可能性高出33%。—弗雷特，海威特，沙皮偌和雷曼在2002年提出

　　Be realistic about what you can and should expect from a relationship. And realize that things change.A third of the time what attracts you to someone isn’t important to you six months later。

　　实际地去考虑你能够且应该从一段感情中期望什么。同时意识到：事情会变的。三分之一的时间里，某人吸引你的地方，六个月后，对你而言已经不再重要了。

　　3. Have Rapport

　　3. 经常交流

　　Talking, sharing, being open — these are all highly praised, and for good reason. Couples who communicate are 62% more likely to describe their relationship as happy。

　　交谈、分享、打开内心——都是被高度推崇的，背后的原因也极有道理。保持交流的小两口，感情美满的可能性要高出62%。

　　Expecting your partner to be a mind reader will just make you miserable. Want something? Ask for it。

　　想要另一半有读心术只会让你变得可悲。想要什么？讲出来！

　　Researchers found that those who are more direct in seeking support from their partner are 61 percent more likely to feel they received the support they wanted than are those who avoid explaining their needs. – Fitness 2001

　　研究人员发现，需要来自伴侣的支持时，和逃避表达需要的人相比，直接表达的人更有可能觉得自己得到了想要的支持。—摘自《健康》2001

　　If you’re still shopping for a partner, look for someone with good social skills who has maintained friendships for a long time。

　　如果你还在寻找伴侣，注意那些擅长社交、长久地维持友谊的人。

　　People with strong social skills, including an ability to maintain long-term friendships, were 32 percent more likely to be satisfied with their relationship. – Flora and Segrin 1999

　　社交能力强的人，包括有能力维持长久友谊的，有32%更高的可能性会对自己的情感关系满意。—弗劳拉和塞格林于1999年提出

　　More laughing means less fighting。

　　多点幽默欢乐，吵架就少了。

　　When both partners in a relationship thought the other had a good sense of humor, 67 percent less conflict was reported than in couples where neither thought the other had a good sense of humor. – De Koning and Weiss 2002

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