第七届全国创新英语作文大赛优胜作文选登(2)
Vitamin Not Poison
郭聪
吉林省吉林市江城中学高三四班
With the high development of science and techonology, computers have stepped into common people's daliy life. Computers are like vitamin and bring us lots of nutritions, however, if we don't use them in a right way, they can be poisonous and have bad effects on us。
There is no doubt that computers are changing our life more or less from young to old, from person to the whole society. To our students, computers can bring us a large number of knowledge with its various news and readings, which may broaden our eyes, full our minds and keep up with all the fashions. It's also convinent for teachers and schools on education. Teachers can exchange their teaching experience through the internet and electronic technoloy teaching can be more lively and esily draw students' attention, no doubt, the qulity of teoching will be improved. What's more, many middle aged people may play games, listen some light music to relife their pressure, while the olds can also enjoy themselves by computers. In addition, companyies use computers to do bussiness, which will be more convienent, of couse can make more profits。
However, as the old going says “Every coin has two sides”. if we can't use computers in a proper way, it's also harmful. In modem life, many students even college students are so addicated to computers that they give up studying half-way; at the same time the crimeinal rent of computers is growing up these years. As a consequence, many students have mentle illness and all the above will have bad effects on the tohole society。
In my opinion, computers are good tools for us just like vitamin, if we do not want them to be poison, the only thing we should do is to control ourselves and use them in a reasonable and proper way and partents should show respect for computers and company with their child in case of some unheathly effects。
Taking all these factors into consideration, computers are vitamin not poison. Computers bring us knowledge and joyand Since reforming is boorning in China, computers are becoming more and more important. Without computers, forgien guests can not know more about China; without computers commnication is still be a serious problem; without computers the Olympic won't be such a success. If we use computers in a proper way, we will find it like vitamin not poison, only in this way can we arm our-selves with knowledye, keep up the high pace of modern life and really make a difference。
专家建议：
建议该考生针对自己的写作语言还有必要再雕琢的情况，平时在学习中学课本或是阅读课外权威英语材料时，有意识地积累文章中的英语表达，以便以后在写作过程中使用。另外，文章中偶尔出现逻辑错误，这就要求考生平时有意识地多阅读英文议论文章，并且观察与模仿文章中严谨的逻辑关系，提升自己的逻辑思考能力。
专家点评：
该篇文章段落间结构基本清晰，内容丰满充沛。特别之处在于把计算机比作维生素来说明一件东西如果我们利用得当那么它就是宝贝；如果利用不得当，那它就是“毒药“。文章语言运用绝对超出了现阶段高中生的平均水平，词汇运用较为准确和高级，语法及句型运用也较为丰富和多变。但是，文章中充斥着大量与主题无关的语句，使文章显得冗长厚重。把电脑比作维生素从某些角度来写也是不严谨的，再有，文章中的一些语句存在逻辑错误，还有空间再进行雕琢，可使文章语言更地道更严谨。
The Advantages and Disadvantages of Computers
宫琦
陕西省太原市太原外国语中学高二602班
In contemporary society, computer is playing an increasingly essential role in our daily lives. But in the meantime, whether computer is a blessing or curse has sparked spirited debate. Some people assert that computer has fundamentally beneficial influence on our society while many others argue that it has detrimental effect as well. As far as I concerned, I am in favor of the former view。
Convincing arguments can be made that with computers, our lives may become rather colorful. To start with, computers can help the technology developing faster and faster; therefore, most individuals can enjoy efficient lives and numerous companies can combat more issues with the hele of computers. More over, we can buy what we like via Internet, this usually seems less time-consuming and more economical. Specifically, to illustrate, we can buy a great number of things on Taobao Ebay and Paipai, and the price is not very expensive. Lastly, many youngsters like to play a variety of computer games, the beautiful scenes and complete legends often draw a magnet on us that is to say, we can relax our bodies and amuse our minds in this way。
Admittedly, computer really does harm to ourselves in some occasions. The reason for this is that many websites on the Internet spread violence and sex informations, which can exert a bad influence on adolescents to learn and try. Meanwhile there are many hackers steal our Internet bank account and our personal informations through computer viruses. Obviously, the things I described above can lead to social crimes. Even so, we can set up net forces to curb the proliferation of the trend of Internet crimes, and the advantages which computer proride us with proved undeniable in many individuals' eyes。
Having considered all the arguments above, I would concede that computers may cause many problems to our society. Despite that, computers can truly bring comfortable and convinient tempo of living to us. Overall, I am convinced that the advantages of computers far outweigh the disvantages, and we should use computers in right way to contribute to societal well-being。
专家建议：
建议该生扩大英文阅读量，阅读不仅可以帮助考生积累更为地道准确的语言表达方式，更能让该生借鉴文章段落结构的设置以及段落内部句子的逻辑严谨的逻辑关系。关于阅读材料，可以选择课外权威英文议论文读物，如英文报纸，期刊等。这些材料中的文章语言准确地道，结构清晰工整，逻辑正确严谨，时刻散发着英文理性的魅力，可以对议论文写作提高有所帮助。
专家点评：
本篇文章结构清晰，严格按照“总起—优势—劣势—总结”的段落分布。语句基本连贯通顺，词汇运用较为丰富，语法的多样性也有所体现。本文作者的写作水平绝对超出了现阶段高中生英语写作能力的平均水平。但是，本文中出现个别逻辑错误，段落内部句子与句子间的逻辑关系不够紧凑，个别段落间的过度有些生硬，望日后写作时留意。
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