第七届全国创新英语作文大赛优胜作文选登(5)
The Advantages and Disadvantages of Computers
陈绿思
广东省汕头市金山中学高一9班
As wereliving in an unusual world with rapidly developing light-technology, there's no doubt that computer, as an indispensable instrument, has been a significant part of one's life。
In respect to the office and business, computers can never be over emphasized. It makes it much easier and more convenient to send messages accurately and make a deal. Computers also grace our daily life, from which we're capable to get the latest information, talk about the social controversial issues and even see doctors and book tickets on line. You may get everything you want, only clicking the mouse。
Take, for example, the story of an unknown girl who complaint a lot about the big earthquake that happened to Sichuan. All the people in sorrow who read the girls comments were very angry and it was the computer that helped the people collect all the imformation of the girl and assisted the police in catching her eventually. How ponerful the computers are!
There's a saying goes “Every coin has two side”. So is computer. Personal imformation is exposed to the public attention nowadays, and even one's privacy. It has been reported that some famous stars' daily life were seriously influenced as their phone numbers, house address were spread on line. We can't imagine how terrible it will be if the private imformation is made use of by those with bad intention. Besides, computers with narious functions may exert bad influence on adolescents. They, for instance, me likely to get addicted to playing electronic games that overshadow the other parts of their life, to ondulge themselves in unhealthy imformation that even lead them to criminals。
In my humble opinion, whether computer is harmful or useful to us lies in the approach we use it. Only when we use computers in appropriate ways to do right things can we benefit from this kind of high - technology。
专家建议：
建议该生平时多阅读英语议论文章，观察并模仿规范议论文的文章结构设计，尽量使自己以后的文章做到结构清晰明了。
专家点评：
本文词汇运用较为准确，高级；句型句式较为丰富；议论语言较有力度。但是，文章段落结构出现了较大的问题：引言段，文章主体以及为支持“计算机优势观点”所举的例子都以平行结构出现在了不同段落中，而文章关于“计算机劣势观点”所举的例子却和其相应的观点挤在一个段落中。所以容易给人杂乱无章的感觉。
Computers
常悦
辽宁省大连市育明高中高二12班
Computer is one of people's greatest inventions in the last centry. Meanwhile, it brings about as many problems as the convienience it offers. This essay will look at the advantages and disadvantages of computers。
To begin with, there are numerous reasons to say computers do good to our daily life. Firstly, computers make it possible for students to gain knowledge online with a simple click, instead of ckecking thousands of books. A veriaty kinds of information on all subjects are stored in computers, available to everyone, Moreover, thanks to the computers, people can “talk” to others, who are millions of miles away, even overseas. Computers offer a great alternative of communication, which develops people's view and enables us to know different cultures. A third point is that computers make a great contribution to building up a globle village. By shopping online, one can buy Japanese sushi, HongKong clothings and Italian wine in America。
Nevertheless, despite the advantages of computer, there're many drawbacks of it. First of all, because of the attractive computer games, many adolescents give up studying. Computers have a damage effect on youngsters' health and accdamic education, what's more, they even cause juvenile crimes. A second point is that when people get too used to communicating on computers, they loose their ablity of talking face to face. A report has shown that over 69% of people choose to use e-mails or tax messages to communicate. Furthermore, computers, in some degree, make developing and developed countries more devided, because while some countries are wired to communicate, others remain isolated。
In summery, nothing has gained more praise and blame than computer. In my point of view, computer is just a tool. Its advantages and disadvantages mostly depends on how we use it. If we make a good use of it, it will be a great assistant of mankind。
专家建议：
作者基本掌握了议论文的写作要领，只在文章个别之处逻辑存在一些诸如思维跳跃度过大的问题，另外就是有的表达不够地道和准确。因此建议该考生在平时的学习中尽量多阅读原汁原味的英语文章，有意识地积累地道的英语表达，不断提高语言运用能力。
专家点评：
本篇文章段落结构清晰明了，第一段作为引言段交代文章主题并且引出文章主题段落，第二段主要说明计算机的益处，第三段罗列计算机给人们带来的害处，最后一段是对文章的总结和作者个人看法。整篇文章思路清晰，段落主题突出。文章词汇运用较为高级与丰富，语法多样性也有所体现。不足之处在于有个别语言点不够地道，希望以后能进一步完善语言，使写作水平进一步提升。
The Advantages and Disadvantages of Computers。
曹欣平
安徽省黄山市屯溪一中高一2班
Currently, with the development of Internet, more and more people voico focus on the issue that whether it is right to have got a computer. As we all know, a coin has two sides, and a computer has both advantages and disadvatages. Sometimes, we insist that it is rather useful to get a computer, but on the other hand, we find it much more hamful. In a word, however, nothing goins more discussion than computers。
For one thing, we regard computer convenient, in that we can use a computer to draw pictures, write essays and sum up countless numbers. We work on computers and comminicate by Internet. Because of e-mails, on-line shopping and trimendous, number of imformations on Internot, we adnire the useful computer. What's more, computer and Internet can work in a fantastic speed, which makes our work swiftly. No one com deny that, human can live and work well without computers。
For omother, however, computers bring harmfulnesses to us as well. First, computer games are at large nowadays. Teenagers can be octlracted by them easily. They plays computers night and day, forgetting anything including study. They spend their valueable youngth hurting thies active bodies. Glasses on their faces show their weakness of sight. Meanwhile internet provides too many things and people cannot tell bad ones from right ones promptly sometimes. As a result, their spirit can be damaged. Nothing can be worse than this. The last but not the least, internet offers many ways to crime. Meanwhile, it is hard to find out. For instance, some bad sayings spread well on internet but the police can do nothing to stop them。
As for as I am concerned, I consider that the computer is rather useful. Whether you may be damaged by computers and internet depends on yourself to the core. You would not be hurt if your, eyes were bright enough to tell right from wrong. As for me, I use computers to write articles, watch movies and communicate with each other and I do not fancy any computer games. Besides, the Governmout should focus their attention to protecting teenagers from computer games. At last, I would say that despite the disadvantages still exist now, computers play a very significant part of role in modern life。
专家建议：
建议该生多读英语议论文章，揣摩正规议论文的段落内部的逻辑关系是怎样做到严谨合理的，培养对一件事发表议论的能力。另外，平时应该多练习写作议论文，并在写作过程中要求自己思路清晰，明确自己究竟要写什么，为什么要写这句话，句与句之间到底有没有关系，有什么关系。希望对作者有所帮助。
专家点评：
本文结构设置清晰明了，词汇及句型句式的运用较为高级和丰富，语法应用也比较准确和多样。不足之处在于本文段落内部逻辑的混乱，句与句之间的逻辑关系更是令读者一头雾水。值得一提的是，本文还多处出现了议论文章的大忌讳，那就是主观猜测出的毫无依据支持的信息以及缺乏客观性的极端信息，希望作者日后避免此类错误。
The Advantages and Disadvantages of Computers
安明玉
山东省泰安市第一中学9班
Gone are the days when people have to ride thousands of miles away to send letters to our friends and relatives. Nowadays, with the development of modernization, computers have been common in our daily life. With the computers, we can communicate with our friends who are even millions of miles away. And we can buy what we want without walking out of the door. What's more, computers also broaden our horizens as well as richen our knowledge. Through the Internet, we can know more about the world, such as how many gold medals Chinese athletes have got in the Olympic Games, what is the life like in the cities of Sichuan and when our “Shenzhou-Ⅶ” will come back to earth. It seems like that the whole world is no more than one metre away (from the screen of computers to our own eyes). Besides, many difficult works can be perfectly and quickly finished by computers. It's no doubt that computers are playing a such an important role in our life that we cannot live without them。
However, overy coin has two cides. In spite of these advantages, computers are sometimes harmful to us if they are not properly used. According to a recent research, an increasing number of students are cocooring self themseloes in computer games. As a result, their marks are becoming lower and lower. What's more, some illegal information, which will do great harm to the children who do not always have a correct judgement, is spreading quickly through the internet. Thus can also lead to an increasing percentage of crime。
In my opinion, only if the computer is correctly used by us can it be a true friend and teacher of us. I believe that our society will be more peaceful and developed with all our offort and all of the disadoantages can be avoid successfully。
专家建议：
建议作者平时多练习议论文写作，并且在练习中要时刻提醒自己议论文写作的规则是什么，那就是文中的每一句话都是围绕文章主题进行的，至少，段落内的每一句话都是围绕段落中心的。作者在这方面还有空间提高。
专家点评：
本文运用了较多的高级词汇和表达；论证语言比较有力，得体；语法的多样性也有所体现；并且在文章中不乏新颖独特的语言表达。但是本文结构设置差强人意，冗长的第一段既是文章的引言段又充当了文章用于说明计算机给我们的好处的主题段，所以看起来不够清晰，明了。结尾的部分无论从语言还是内容来看都有待修改，如果不是因为时间仓促，那么这个结尾的创作就实在不是很用心了。
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