第七届全国创新英语作文大赛优胜作文选登(3)
The Advantages and Disadvantages of Computers
高岚
河北省保定市保定一中323班
Touching the keyboard and clicking the mouse is whether good or bad for people, it may difficult to tell. As the saying goes: Every coin has its two sides. Computers are harmful as well as useful and helpful. It is important to know the advantages and disadvantages of computers dearly. So that we may make full use of the computers。
The advantage of computer is easy to see. It is no doubt that we live in a “computer age” Computers has changed our life into a more convenient and colourful one. No matter old or young, men or women, we are all absorbed by the greatest invention of the 20th century. By using computers and the Internet, so many things that once seems impossible have become possible in our life. We can use computers to help us work out difficult problems, we can use computers to get imformation and make friends, we can shop online and have lessons online. Thousands of people have benefieed from the computers. And with the development of computers, there are new kinds of jobs sened to the young generation. For me, my ambition is to be a computer engineer. I can use computer language to communicate with computers. And it's a wonderful expreince to make the cold machine think and work for you. And I also improne my ability at the same time。
On the other heind, it isn't wise to avoid talking about the disadvantages of the computers. Firstly, it danage our eyesight. It is obvious that more and more people are wearing glasses these days, I am one of them as well. And computers can also couse other diseases to the people who have to face the computer all day long and the growihg teenagers. Second, it make more difficult to protect your personal imformation with the development of the Internt. It gives more chances to the people who want to get other's imformation to do some bad things. But, the most popular problem is still about the computer games lead the teenagers to a wrong way。
All in all, computers are such a tool which brhgs a loe of good and cause a lot of problems. But the wise one com make the best use of it。
专家建议：
建议该生扩大英文阅读量，因为阅读是写作的基础，不仅可以帮助考生积累更为地道准确的表达方式，更能让该生借鉴文章段落内部句子的逻辑严谨性。关于阅读材料，可以选择课外权威英文议论文读物，如英文报纸，期刊等。这些材料中的文章语言准确地道，结构清晰工整，逻辑正确严谨，时刻散发着英文理性的魅力，可以对议论文写作提高有所帮助。
专家点评：
本篇文章结构清晰，严格按照“总起—优势—劣势—总结”的段落分布。语句基本连贯通顺，词汇运用较为丰富，语法的多样性也有所体现。作为一个高中学生，能具有这样的英语写作水平实属不易。但是，本文中几次出现逻辑错误，虽然段落分布从整体来看是清晰工整的，可段落内部句子与句子间的逻辑关系实在有待调整，更有个别句子是与文章主题无关的语句，望日后写作时留意。
What Computers Bring to Us
刁玥
山东省泰安市泰山中学高二3班
With time going by, the computer is playing a more and more important role in our daily life. It in reality helps people a lot in every aspects of our life. However, it brings some negative points at the same time. Here are my point of views about the advantages and disadvantages of computers。
We can't live without computers. Firstly, it can offer us an enormous quantity of information. As is known to all, we have stepped into a period filled with information. The Internet has the ability of gathering the information. Two heads are better than one, and what about many thousands? The answer is obviously. Secondly, computers make our life colourful. We can use computers to play games, communicate with others, listen to the music, watch a latest film and so on. People are easy to get relaxed on the Internet. Thirdly, computers help us to do things easier. For example, I like shopping very much. I am able to go shopping by knocking at the mouse instead of going outdoors. It in deed saves a lot of time, doesn't it? What's more, we can also book a train tickets, work and so on by using computers。
Every coin has two sides. Computers also bring some disadvantages. Firstly, young people are so easily addicted to the Internet. They always play computer games online day and night and throw their study away. Not until their marks get down did they realize that they has addicted to it. And at that time, it's difficult for them to get changed. Secondly, the Internet is a imaginary world. Everyone can hide himself in it. So people are easy to get cheated. I was cheated buying a digital camera at one time. Thirdly, it is the computer that make most of the students have a poor eyesight. Few people limited themselves on the Internet. In reality computers are haimful to our health。
Achievements is founded on deligence and wasted upon recklessness. If we use cornputers in the right way instead of just wasting time on it, computers are really called the most useful helpers。
专家建议：
作者基本掌握了议论文的写作要领，只在文章个别之处存在一些诸如语言缺乏客观性的问题，另外就是有的表达不够地道和准确。因此建议该考生在平时的学习中尽量多阅读原汁原味的英语文章，有意识地积累地道的英语表达，不断提高语言运用能力。
专家点评：
本篇文章段落结构清晰明了，第一段作为引言段引出文章主体段落，第二段主要罗列计算机的益处，第三段主要列举计算机给人们带来的害处，最后一段是对文章的总结和作者个人看法。整篇文章思路清晰，段落主题突出。文章词汇运用较为高级与丰富，语法多样性也有所体现。不足之处在于有个别语言点不够地道，另外有个别逻辑错误。
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