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第八届全国创新英语作文大赛优胜作文选登

http://www.sina.com.cn   2011年03月20日 12:54   新浪教育微博

  新浪教育讯 日前第十届全国创新英语大赛工作已正式启动,以下为第八届全国创新英语作文大赛优胜作文选登:

  题目:

  Directions:

  Read the following paragraph and write a composition as stated at about 300 words in 60 minutes. Your composition will be graded according to clarity, accuracy and meaningfulness。

  In accordance with CRI news, the spirit of Chinese volunteers, from responding to the May 12 earthquake to the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games, not only touched the Chinese people, but also generated worldwide attention. Official statistics show that china has accumulated about 8 billion hours of volunteer work from 380 million volunteers since 1993 and is going to have more and more volunteers, especially the youth。

  How do you understand volunteer work? In what way(s) is it important to promote the well-being of individuals, families, communities and the world at large? Your writing ought to contain three parts, your viewpoint, the supporting ideas, and the conclusion。

  Let us shine

  徐叶子

  江苏省张家港市张家港外国语学校高二4班

  Volunteers are just like diamonds in the sun, and the diamonds are forever, especially the youth. Volunteer work is just like a miracle. From the May 12th earthquake to the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games, volunteer work made unbelievable contributions。

  60 years ago our country was set up, today we will celebrate its 60th birthday. In this process, volunteer work did a lot of help and now our country is standing in the world just like a giant. In the past years, volunteers have helped a large number of people, the old, the young, the poor and the homeless. All the volunteers know that the road ahead will be long and cragged, but no matter what obstacles stand in their way they will never stop. Because they have a creed and they believe everything is possible. Oh the creed of volunteer work, you make volunteers keep on going without hesitation. Oh the creed of volunteer work, you make volunteers hand in hand and be with together forever. Oh the creed of volunteer work, you make volunteers go to the edge of the world and let them know the true meaning of life. Do you know what the creed is? Yes, it is love. With love, volunteer work makes people open their mind and let them find the sky is theirs. With love, volunteer work makes people look into their hearts and let the sunshine in. With love, volunteer work makes people believe that smilers will never lose and frowners will never win。

  I know something has changed because of volunteer work. I know it for real because it feels so right and the world looks so much brighter. Love is important to volunteer work and volunteer work is important to the whole world。

  The infinite sky is motionless and the blue ocean is boisterous. This moment is perfect. Let us become volunteers and try our best in volunteer work. It can be the start of something new and it's our turn to learn some or win some. So, let's make a wish and get ready to shine like diamonds。

  专家建议:

  建议该考生在语言流畅的基础之上,注意两方面问题。第一,用词更具体些,避免使用语义较为空泛的表达,如learn some or win some。第二,文章华美有余,但逻辑层次不足。需加强句子与句子之间以及段落与段落间的逻辑性。

  专家点评:

  该作文使用了很多修辞方式,从这一点上看,作者在学习英语的过程中一定是位有心人,注重边阅读边积累背诵。同时能看出,作者一定是一位喜爱英文歌曲的人,文中很多表达都来自于音乐歌词。但在遣词造句时,需要区分口头表达和较书面表达,在这点上,文章还有提高的空间。

  Volunteers: an indispensable role in society

  宋思思

  江苏省南京市南京外国语学校高三3班

  Have you ever taken part into volunteer work? Have you ever been touched by the altruistic spirit of volunteers? Have you ever found your friends much maturer after a voluntary job? It you have experienced any of the sitnations I mentioned before, you will undoubtedly agree that in this highly-developed world, volunteer work, free of any reward, does play an indispensable role which enjoys a unique significance. Through different kinds of voluntary jobs burgeon a rounded individual a harmonious family and a developed country. Numerous examples hereby listed do stand for my point of the importance of volunteers。

  The point of pinnacle importance for my view focuses on the enhancement of a single person, especially the youth. According to a survey conducted by UNESCO the United Nations, Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization, among parents and children around the world, about 95.5% of the parents admits that they find their children care more about the society after long time of volunteer work. The result also indicates the fact that 98% of, the children gets along better with their friends and coorperate with them more easily. Researchers believe that it is the volunteer work that not only develops children’s' social responsibily but also teaches them how to work in a team, which is coined as team-working spirit. In this case, nobody could deny the positive influence the voluntary jobs put on individuals。

  What is more, a voluntary job can sometimes even bring harmony and happiness to families. Generally speaking, working as volunteers gives rise to common topics among family members and makes people understand more about each other. Take myself as an example. Before, hardly could I communicate with my parents for I definitely believed big age gap made us lack of common interests. After being volunteers in an elderly home together, however we enjoy more common topics such as how to make the elderly happiness or which kind of meals is best for the elderly. To be further, Rither my parents and I realize there is a lot to learn from each other and a hanmonious family is consequently achieved. Thanks to the voluntary jobs, had we not joined in the same volunteer work, we would have never had such a satisfactory relationship。

  Bertrand Russell, a highly respected and well-known philosopher in 19th century, once pointed out ‘To a country, none of the rules is worth a voluntary action’, which dramatically matches what 1 am getting on. Rather than any rule or poliey that forces citizens to follow, a voluntary deed, largely from individuals' willing, exerts more optimistic influence on the development of a country. On one hand when people work as a volunteers, they do what they like to do while they show their social responsibility to the whole society. On the other hand, any of the significant changes involve in all citizens. Needless to say, all citizens' involvement as volunteers to some extend, enjoys a higher status than laws from a small part of people in the country。

  In light of the examples ranging from individuals, families to a whole country, we could definitely summarize that as more and more people involve into the volunteer jobs, unimaginable accomplishment achieved and a higher quality of individuals comes out. Not only does a person himself, but also a family and a country do benefit from volunteers!

  专家点评:本文作者用词准确,句型高级,结构层次分明,难能可贵的是举例充分且恰当,虽然有一些小的瑕疵,但不失为一篇优秀的文章,值得我们好好研究和学习。

  专家建议:受文化,历史背景和环境的影响,我国学生在写英语时喜欢拐弯抹角,喜欢长句子,喜欢重复,喜欢大话,空话。总是写无意义的理论,而很少举例说明,多强调数量而忽视质量,我们必须要杜绝这一现象,中国学生在写作中最缺乏的一件事情就是不会举例说明,所以平时我们要多看名人传记,多注意和留心身边发生的有哲学思想的事情,善于总结,日积月累,厚积薄发。

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