第八届全国创新英语作文大赛优胜作文选登(4)
Volunteer Work, Harmoniass Would
韩叶
江苏省张家港市张家港外国语学校高三3班
Have you ever guided a passenger losing his or her way? Have you ever donate your pocket monkey to strangers suffering disasters? Have you ever kept a homeless ouimal? If your ouswer is ‘Yes’, then congratulations you have done volunteer work。
To my mind you do need to exactly join a certain organization form is not important. Volunteer work means the work we want to do to help others out of our hearts withostconsidering whether it is renording. To sum up, sympathy, sacrifice passion and warm hearts make up volunteer work. And volunteer work really makes the world better。
Firstly, as far as individuals are concerned, volunteer work makes them take responsibilities for the society. Nowadays, most families have only one child. And the late 90s are considered to be a settish useless generation. However, one of my friends says that volunteen work made me mature. He was one of the volunteers of Beijing Olympic Ganes. He gained patience, stung will and an open mind through all the tough work. And now he understands that: ‘One should hever gain without payling.’
Secondly, to the society it is also signifigant. With volunteer work, people facing difficulties are helped, poor people are financidly asisted, so that the frinction will be reduced and the interpersonal relationships will be improved. How a harmonious society will it be! There is a couple living in Beijing. They began the in volunteer work when they were only college students. They went to a medical center to take care of and play with children there once a week. Neither wind nor snow stopped them. However, one sunday in 2007 they didn't appear. And the reason ness that, the girl got cancer! The bay kept on going to the center on Sunday while taking cane of his girlfriend and working for medical expenses. The doctors ses and the childnes were touched deeply. Their story was published and the douation came soon. At the same time, more people went to help children there. In this way, their spirit transferred. Their volursteer work was paid back to them selves, which was hever inagined by them. Their sympathy waked up others'。
Laste I firmly believe that a nation full of helpful respousible people is surely a strong one a world full of spirit of symporthy and devotion is surely a beautiful one. I call on all people to do volunteer work, whatever it is, whatever the form it is in, just do it and we can harvest a harmonious world together!
专家建议：
有一定英语语感，但不是很强，中式英语有时还会出现，建议多读些英文原著，或看一些优秀范文，抓住里面的经典句型，自己多多练习。
专家点评：
文章以及疑问句开头，步步引出主题，很吸引人。文章结构清晰，语言表达比较准确，但句式变化不多，有些句子结构不紧凑。
Anyone, anytime
韩心悦
吉林省长春市长春市十一高中高二23班
As we all know, plants cannot exist without sunshine; fish cannot live without water; and our society cannot be everlasting without volunteers. In the modern society, volunteer work is not something which requires money and knowledge anymore. It's about all of us Anyone, anytime。
Volunteer is a kind of spirit, it can bring love to everyone, everything. I remember I once went to Dichuan Province during my summer holidays, and I volunteered to help the giant pandas. One day, our 200 recepted a group of children who came from poverty-striken areas. They all seemed quite excited after they saw the lovely pandas. A little boy, however, frowned, ran towards me and whispened, “I want to help. Look at their home, it's not tidy enough. I want to clean it for them。” I was totally shocked, A boy who was in great need of helping himself actually wanted to help animals Words bursted out, “But honey, you are still too young!” He shrinked his eyes, and grinned, “Anyone, anytime。”
Dince then, “Anyone, anytime。” has become my motto. Whenever I saw rubbish on the ground, I would pick it up; whenever I saw people try to step on the grass, I would persuade them. Because I know, I'm part of the harmonious society. Harmonious society, everyone contains。
Right, harmonious society needs our volunteers. Volunteer work can make us realiz the nesponsibilites on oun shoulder, it can make us much more mature. Do, if we all have a kind of volunteen spirit, the well-being of invividuals, families, communitles and the world can all be promoted. Take a good look at those volunteers Ouring the 2008 Beijing Olympic Garnes, and those figures running beside the ruins of Wenchuan Earthquake. Volunteers' spirit not only touched the Chinese people, but also generated worldwide attention. In a nutshell, volunteer work is of great significance。
Do, let's staw up together, hand in hand, join the orchestra of harmony, stant from the “Volunteen epilogne”， creat a new beautiful world. And the name of this orchestra will be: “Anyone, anytime。”
专家建议：
很显然，该考生在文章的结构设置以及语言积累方面都有待提高，建议该考生平时进一步拓宽阅读面，在阅读同时有意识地积累语言的表达法，并且注意模仿优秀英语文章是如何组织结构的。
专家点评：
文章通过小故事托出主题的方式很新颖，文章整体也有一定逻辑关系。但应该把重点放在后面对volunteer的段落中，并适当减少第二段的字数，以起到抛砖引玉的作用而非头重脚轻。另外，文章出现多处搭配问题，建议平时注重基础的积累。
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