第八届全国创新英语作文大赛优胜作文选登(6)
The importance of volunteer work
崔静远
辽宁省鞍山市鞍山市第一中学高三18班
In my opinion, volunteer work is quite an important part of the modern society. The reasons are as follows。
In the modern time, thanks to the deselopment of economy and technolodge, material enjoyment 13 earned both in higher quality and larger quantiy. At a price of this, individunls are taking the risk of losing their own values and even sparing no effert to make their fartane even at the price of the interest of the society. So the volunteer work has been playing an important part as a spiritual comfort not only to the receivers but also to the volunteers, promoting the well-being of the love-givers, making ertra value for others and keeping a perfect balance of the whole society。
In families, volunteer work will help to emphasize the importance of morality, meet emotional needs and even become a vivid educational lesson. Parents, who are widely regarded as the first and most important teachers of their children, are teaching their children through the activities which must truely toach the deepest part of the young souls, instead of serious, traditional crivical words. Also, during the process, in which every member showstus true love, other members are able to recognize him from a difference point of view. This kind of awarness is promised to promote the communication of the family in the future. In the whole world, the volunteer work can be considered to be an appropriate part of the globalization, during which the world is becoming a Global village. And the natural and economic chisasters are driving people from different cultaral back grounds to stand together on the same side, emphasizing the interest of the whole world, which must not be deffended without any country's participation. And it is the volunteer work that can be granted the role of offering help in its hour of marimum need。
All in all, volunteer work is truely an inreplacable part of the society and it is our responsibility to give our hands to make the world a better place。
专家建议：
建议该生平时利用好学校里使用的中学英语教科书，因为教科书的权威性不容置疑，选材也适合中学生，是精读甚至背诵的最好选择。之所以推荐给作者教科书，是因为该考生在写作长句子时出现较多错误，说明该生的语法基础不够夯实，那么中学英语课本就恰好能弥补这个弱点。
专家点评：
文章结构清晰明了，简洁明了的开头和结尾紧扣主题，精干又有力，很方便读者对文章主旨的把握。中间部分的逻辑性强，思路也很清晰。唯一不足的是在一些长难句的表达上出现了一些错误，有些句子让人很难理解。在以后的写作中可以多关注长句子的练习。
To be a volunteer ，Bring a ray of sunshine
陈天悦
山东省济南市山东省齐钢高级中学高三4班
Dear Tom:
It is a great pleasure for me to have the wondeful chance to put pen to paper and send my greetings to you. You said that you wanted to be a volunteer and didn't know whether you should or not. I want to help you analyse it。
In my opinion. I think it is not noly a good chance to help others but also a good opportunity to make selp-improvement. You'd better participate in the volunteer work. If we compane youth to flouers, as is often the case, then the young volunteers are the most beautiful flowers. By joining in the vounteer work, you will leam how to help others and how to love others. What's more you can also find it out that there are many people suffering from disaster and then you will value your comfortable life. Although you may feel very tired as a volunteer and it may cost you much time to help others, I still insist that you should be a volunteer because the advantages bright about by volunteer work overweigh the disadvantages。
It all the people refused to be volunteers, the people suffered from the may 12 earthquake could lose heart and most of them wouldn't have the chance to survive from that disaster. If none of the people wanted to be a volunteer, the Beijing olympic Games would be a failure. If every people didn't feel like being a volunteer, there would be no people cleaning the environment and protecting the beautiful scenery automatically. It was terrible! From all mentioned above, volunteers play a very important part in our daily life. To be a volunteer will gain glory for China. As is brow to all, Chinese children are always laughed at for lack of practice. So to be a volunteer is a good chance to canpensate for it。
From my point of view, it's high time that you became a volunteer and learned to help others. If everyone makes a contribution to helping others, the world will be much more beautiful!
At last, wish you all the best!
Yours sincerely。
Lily。
专家建议：
一篇文章的结构是评判该文章优劣的重要参考标准，但结构显然不够简洁清晰，所以建议作者能在平时多阅读英文报纸上的文章，有意识地观察规范的英语文章是怎样设计结构的。
专家点评：
文章二三段的结构很混乱，建议这样的文章段落都应写成总、分、总的形式更能突出文章的逻辑性，并在“分”的部分也一条一条分开写，而不是都堆在一段内，让人分不清哪句是观点哪句是论证，很混乱。另外注意同义词的替换已是文章表达更丰富，比如文章中多次出现的帮助他人就都是使用：help others就显得过于单一了~
Come and join us in volunteer work right now!
陈茜
江苏省哈尔滨市第三中学高三18班
Dear grandfather:
How are you?
I am writing to invite you to join us, in the next year, to be a voluntear in the great event, which is to hold in Shanghai. We, a generation born in the 90s in our city, have made a team to do the volunteer work. And you are welcomed by all our team members awing to your great amount of knowledge about Chinese traditions and culture. Please don't tell me you are too old to do this job. I believe you are sure to accept my invitation after reading my following explannation of the importance of the volunteer work。
Nowadays, volunteer work, which has raised public interest and concern, is becomming more and more popular throughout the world. As is known to all, volunteer work is not only meaningful but also necessary. One my personal wete, what's more, it's interesting and pleasant! It help us develop oursel 。
Firstly, for individuals, especially those young, to do volunteer work is an awailuabe wany to goin social experience. By doing volunteer work, they can meet vorrious people and they may run across all kinds of troubles. They however, can become mature and determined by solving these problems. You know, no pains, no gains. Also, individuals will realize that they do make a difference in someone else's life, even the whole event, the world! Their confidence can be rovised and confidence is what it takes to do any job well。
For families, if you're the side that received the help of the volunteers, of couse your issue will be more easily dealt with. If you're the side who give others your hand, you will realize there exists no better way to educate your children that “a virtwre deserues amother” because you'll get the best present - smile deeply from one's heart, in the whole world。
It is a great chance for all members getting closer to each other in communities by taking part in volunteer work. Their team spirits, their co-operation will be great improued. So, why not?
The most importantly, for the whole world, for the entire human race, volunteer work will make earth a better place to live in, it is through volunteer work that we know there are so many people are willing to help others although they can't get money from it. It is through volunteer work that we know we are all brothers and sisters, that we are all families。
My dear grandfather, canre on! Join us and help introduce owr great Chinese culture to the world. 21 centuring is on open cewtury. You can trust yourself and please trust us, too! We'll help you and we need you help! Let's make the world a better place by being a volunteer! It's a small step for us but it is a leurge one for the whole world!
Love you。
Your granddaught。
专家建议：
句子之间的衔接做的还不是很到位，建议多练练关联词的用法。词汇不够丰富，句型变化不多，建议多看些范文，多练一些经典句型。
专家点评：
文章立意很好，整体结构清晰，语言大体流畅，还能够引经据典，显示出有一定的英语文化底蕴。
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