第八届全国创新英语作文大赛优胜作文选登(3)
Volunteers
李彦妮
辽宁省鞍山市鞍山一中10.14班
There is a vivid saying that every glorious event is justifiably connected with volunteers who is a group of people, holding the fundemental to help others without pay-back benefits. In 1993, when the new word burt out among social society, most of us gave a slur to it in considering of economy. The special group, however, is just like a river - small at first, contained within its banks, flood passionally then merged into the sea, for the sense of moral considerations. And now, I quite support to be a volunteer。
We can never forget these moving scenes: A group of adolecents from Beijing dashed to the City of Wenchuan who gave up their comfortable living situations and picked up the heavy burden to save people buried into the ground, while a middle aged white collar who threw away his computer and salary came here to fetch wictims' lives from the death. It is volunteers who rushed to this place which has suffered from the catastrophe that gave a great help to those victims in need. A volunteer can support a piece of sky, and this one reason I am eager to join them。
Secondly, only a volunteer who is in active part in Beijing Olympic Games will he give a great help to those losers. It is volunteers who gave us a warm welcome to Beijing that put the glorious sports meeting from in chaos to in order. A person, as we know, who hasn’t join into the group of volunteer is one of the unfortunate victims of this society which is occupied with love. All of us are in high pressure in this adverse circumstance. Our mind catches hold of something and will not let it go, if we choose the way to argue with the mind, the stronger the will, the more fuitile the task, so we, should choose a way to help others, to see the smile from others. Then the pressure get out suiftly. I always go into rapture at a mere mention of being a volunteer and regard it as a person who is eager to help others or a group not in the same class with the suburban social-climbers. It seems a cliché but a saying which is an infallibility that a splendid case can not leave a volunteer just as a fish can not live without water。
专家点评：作者尽量用到了一些高级词语和句型，表明作者有一定的英语功底，但是小的错误频发，如单词拼写，语法问题，句子逻辑，这在某一方面也表明作者的基本功有待提高，继续努力。
专家建议：用词准确是写作的基础。对于学习英语的中国学生来说，背单词扩大词汇量是有必要的，但遗憾的是，学生们背的大都是单词的“外壳”，记的大都是单词的表意或字典提供的大致意思，而基本上忽视了词在语境中的作用和词的“精神”。这种只记单词表意的学习方法对提高语言的运用能力，特别是写作能力是极其不利的。
Volunteer — A bridge to Friendship
金倩男
辽宁省本溪市本溪市高级中学高三15班
In recent years, “volunteer” become a more and more popular word among people all over the world, especially in China. Thanks to so many volunteers can we made so many events smoothly. In a nutshell, I think volunteer is a bridge to friendship between people to people and country to country。
Volunteers can be a bright light to those who are in the dark difficulty. A case in point is the May 12 earthquake. The earthquake left thousands of homeless people, causihg a big problem to both the country and the victims themselves. It's them — the light brhger — volunteers, who came to the front line, so that the victims can see the bright future。
Volunteer actions are of tremendous benifits not only to the people in need, but also to the society. According to a latest survey, there are about 1,700,700 people took part in the volunteering jobs. But for their great devotion, we couldn't have held the 2008 Olympic Games successfully。
Volunteers believes that the happiest people in the world are those help to bring hapiness to others. People in other countries see the volunteer spirt in the organisational ability and the individual charmihg。
The world witness the spread spirit of Chinese volunteers. Only in the way that all the nations unit together, offering help to each other can we do wonders and creat a harmonous society. And what's more, we should encourage more youths join such good things。
In the end, we can come to an conclusion that volunteer work is a bridge to friendship, which does benifits to both the individuals and the nation. So, let's join it today, OK?
专家建议：
建议作者写作文要尽量做到言之有物。写作文是为了表达观点，不能被“语言”绑架；运用较多的词汇与搭配却在逻辑方面很混乱，没有设计好要交代的内容。希望作者平时进一步扩充英语阅读量，多读权威英语报刊，有意识地观察好的英语文章是如何兼顾内容充沛，语言到位，逻辑清晰的。
专家点评：
文章的主题既然是“志愿者活动——友谊之桥”，就要围绕志愿者与友谊来写，可文章二至五段都没有紧扣住主题。而且段与段之间没有衔接，给人感觉是没有构思好，想到哪写到哪。建议以后写作前先列好提纲，注重文章宏观的把握。
On Volunteer
黄昕彤
辽宁省鞍山市鞍山一中108班
The definition of the word volunteer in Lougnan(Longman) Dictionary is someone who helps others sponstaneously(spontaneously) and willingly. That's true! Life is a style of enjoying yourself, not only by entertaing and enriding yourself, but also by the process of helping others。
Undoubtfully, those volunteers reveal their great love and passion for their country. Love is the eternal theme of the world, Without hove(love)， it's like birds without wings, failing to show its talents of flying, It's like spring without flowers, burying is charming fragrants in the deep soil. Their volunty work unites China, shouing the world how united Chinese people are shocking the world of its cooperation。
People around the country are making their efforts to helping others, which leaves the world an impression that China is a veal country, and all the people here are like brothers and sisters, who cares a lot for others. You can never imagine how touched I was when I watched the TV program called “Moving China”. 13 peasants from tangshang volunteered to help those victims of Sichuang on hearing the tremendous earthquake happened there, leaving all their farm work done in the field they sacrifiled anything and helped others at any cost, for they knew the glant pains the earthquake brings to people. They can never forget how much pains they havendertaken in the earthquake and how much help they have received from the world. They compared their own feelings to the victims and passed the splrit on. In this sense, people will pass the spirit from generation to queneration, from China to all over the world. Then, how sweet will the World be!
I have a dream that one day, I will be a member of the volunteer team. I have a dream that oneday, I'll make contributions to China however slightest it may be. I have a dream that one day I'll be a founder of a world Charity, helping people all over the world. I'm firmly convinced that it will not only be a drean for me, but also a drean for people all over China, all over the world, and for the great Global Village。
专家建议：
整篇文章条理清晰，结构完整，总体感觉很好。但有个别语法错误，固定搭配有些用得不够准确，建议多用课本学过的固定搭配或是词组造句。
专家点评：
文章语言流畅，运用了修辞手法，展现出一定的语言功底。此外，论据生动有力，让人信服。如果句子之间的多用些关联词就更好了。
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