浙江新高考英语:读后续写解题需注意些啥?(3)

2017年10月18日 10:48 新浪综合
微博 微信 空间 分享 添加喜爱

  作文范例点评

  范文一

  The car abruptly stopped in front of him。 A woman hurriedly opened the door and stretched out her hand, shouting, “Get in!”Mac grabbed her hand without hesitation, leaving his bicycle lying on the road and jumped into the car.The moment he shut the door, he caught the glimpse of the fierce eyes and hungry look of the wolf by the door。 A cold feeling crept over his heart and made him shiver.However, the car had left the wolf far behind, which made him sigh with relief。 Mac thanked Paul and Becky and afterwards they pulled over by the road to wait for Mac’s friends。

  A few minutes later, the two other cyclists arrived。 As soon as they met, his friends’ worried look faded away。 “Where have you been? We saw your bicycle on the road。 ”His friend asked and these words like a penetrate of sunshine warmed his heart。 After Mac explained to them, they said farewell to Paul and Becky in sincerely indebtedness。 On the way home, night breeze made him at ease and he couldn’t wait to share his experience with his wife and children and show the kindness of the world。

  〖点评〗

  这篇文章语言上最大的特色是无灵主语的使用,即用无生命特征的名词做句子的主语。整篇11个句子,其中无灵主语就有5句,占了42%。(1)A cold feeling crept over his heart and made him shiver。(2)However, the car had left the wolf far behind, which made him sigh with relief。(3)As soon as they met, his friends’worried look faded away。(4)these words like a penetrate of sunshine warmed his heart。(5)On the way home, night breeze made him at ease。这样,同样含义的句子就由平淡变得生动有力了。如:Feeling indeed had smothered her judgment that day。(选自英国著名作家Thomas Hardy的小说Tess of the D’urbervilles)

  语言上的第二大特色就是这篇文章词汇的使用,如indebtedness等于gratitude感激,pull over表达路边停车,这些都体现了较为深厚的语言功底。

  但是,文章还是有些瑕疵。Mac grabbed her hand without hesitation,leaving his bicycle lying on the road and jumped into the car。这一句中应将leaving改为left,使其与前面的grabbed及后面的jumped 成为连贯动作,也可把jumped 改为jumping同leaving平行成为grabbed 的伴随状语;His friend asked and these words like a penetrate of sunshine warmed his heart。此句中的penetrate是个动词被错误地当做名词使用,可以改为His friend asked and these words like a ray of sunshine warmed his heart;After Mac explained to them, they said farewell to Paul and Becky in sincerely indebtedness。此句中的sincerely应该改为形容词修饰名词indebtedness。

高考微信号

高考志愿通(收录2595所大学、506个专业分数线信息、提供29省专家服务)

三步报志愿

1
专业定位
适合专业测评
47029人已测试
2
海选学校
录取可能性报告
100139人已测试

分数线查询

北京

  • 北京
  • 天津
  • 上海
  • 重庆
  • 河北
  • 河南
  • 山东
  • 山西
  • 安徽
  • 江西
  • 江苏
  • 浙江
  • 湖北
  • 湖南
  • 广东
  • 广西
  • 云南
  • 贵州
  • 四川
  • 陕西
  • 青海
  • 宁夏
  • 黑龙江
  • 吉林
  • 辽宁
  • 西藏
  • 新疆
  • 内蒙古
  • 海南
  • 福建
  • 甘肃
  • 港澳台

2015

  • 2015
  • 2014
  • 2013
  • 2012
  • 2011

北京

  • 北京
  • 天津
  • 上海
  • 重庆
  • 河北
  • 河南
  • 山东
  • 山西
  • 安徽
  • 江西
  • 江苏
  • 浙江
  • 湖北
  • 湖南
  • 广东
  • 广西
  • 云南
  • 贵州
  • 四川
  • 陕西
  • 青海
  • 宁夏
  • 黑龙江
  • 吉林
  • 辽宁
  • 西藏
  • 新疆
  • 内蒙古
  • 海南
  • 福建
  • 甘肃
  • 港澳台

理科

  • 文科
  • 理科

找专家报志愿

一对一服务
咨询电话:
01058983379
推荐阅读
聚焦
关闭评论
高清美图