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范文三
The car abruptly stopped in front of him。 Seeing Paul wave at him kindly and open the car door for him, Mac immediately jumped out of his bicycle and rushed into the car。 No sooner than the poor man had got in did Paul close the door。 The wolf walked around the car and howled furiously at them, but just in vain。 Realizing it couldn’t catch Mac any more, the wolf ultimately gave up and walked away gloomily。 Watching the wolf was swallowed by the road, Mac, bathed in perspiration, sighed with relief and sank down to the back seat。 Paul handed him a bottle of water and he managed a weak smile, murmuring something like “Thank you very much”。
A few minutes later, the other two cyclists arrived。 Knowing that Mac had been chased by a wolf, they were stumped for words and paralysed with fear。 Fortunately, at that moment appeared Paul who lent a helping hand to Mac。 The two friends extended their earnest gratitude to Paul for rescuing Mac and then took Mac back home。 After such a terrible experience, the splendid landscape of Alaska seemed no longer to be a temptation to them。 On the way back home, feeling the light breeze through his hair, Mac felt what happened just now was like a bad dream, but a warm glow flooded in as he thought of Paul’s unselfish help。 The most precious part of humans is their care for each other。
〖点评〗
这是一篇非常优秀的文章。特别靓丽的地方就是doing的使用,具体有:(1)Seeing Paul wave at him kindly and open the car door for him,Mac immediately jumped out of his bicycle and rushed into the car。(2)Realizing it couldn’t catch Mac any more, the wolf ultimately gave up and walked away gloomily。(3)Watching the wolf was swallowed by the road, Mac, bathed in perspiration, sighed with relief and sank down to the back seat。(4)Paul handed him a bottle of water and he managed a weak smile, murmuring something like “ Thank you very much”。(5)Knowing that Mac had been chased by a wolf, they were stumped for words and paralysed with fear。(6)On the way back home, feeling the light breeze through his hair, Mac felt what happened just now was like a bad dream, but a warm glow flooded in as he thought of Paul’s unselfish help。 The most precious part of humans is their care for each other。共占了12句话中的50%,却不让人感到单调,非谓语动词的使用可以比较地道地表现语言的美。
其次,文章大量使用了高级词汇,howled furiously at them, ultimately, gloomily, perspiration,splendid landscape, murmuring, stumped, extended their earnest gratitude等等,特别是不同场合不同动作的动词的适当使用。
语言描写贴切地表达了情节发展的逻辑,采用动作描写大大重于对话描写,读来有很强的身临其境的感觉。
美中不足的是考生在试图使用高级表达的时候出现了些瑕疵,如No sooner than the poor man had got in did Paul close the door。 这句话在结构上是错误的,必须改为No sooner had the poor man got in than Paul closed the door。 另外,Mac immediately jumped out of his bicycle and rushed into the car。此句中的out of 必须改为 off。