2013年04月26日14:02  新东方 微博   

  Ever feel that your relationship suffers from a unique brand of frustration, tension, distance, or any number of other troubling feelings? The reality is, there is struggle in every romance. "If you are experiencing disillusionment, well, join the human race" 。

  你是否曾经感觉自己的感情曾经遭受沮丧,紧张,距离或其他负面情绪的困扰?事实是,在每段感情中这些纠结都不可避免。“如果你正在经历这种幻灭,那么说明你和大家都一样” 。

  Hendrix, author of the best selling book, Getting the Love You Want, started examining the question, "why do couples fight" in the late 1970s. After studying and working with thousands of couples, he has found that there are 10 common bad habits couples engage in that make relationships miserable and can lead to break-up or divorce。


  1. Be critical。


  Even "constructive" criticism can make your partner defensive and reduce the feeling of safety in a relationship. Being harsh and judgmental when angry can trigger a "flight or fight response."


  2. Insist your partner be exactly the same as you。


  "Absolute compatibility" is an express route to a dull relationship. If you insist your partner have the same feelings and perceptions as you do, it can lead to despair and misery。


  3. Flee from intimacy。


  If you habitually avoid being physically or emotionally close with your partner through escaping into work, hobbies, television, or other activities, you risk creating a divide between you and your partner that may become impossible to breach。


  4. Play the blame game。


  Using "you" language when upset will make your partner put up their defenses. When your goal is to communicate in a way that fosters intimacy, use statements that begin with "I feel" instead。


  5. Bargain。


  Both "giving conditionally and receiving cautiously" erode relationships. He warns against doing something for a partner only when you want something in exchange。


  6. Be casual about romance。


  No relationship can be spontaneously joyful forever. Once the initial excitement of a new romance wears off, some couples think their relationship is over and give up trying. They risk missing out on experiencing a deeper kind of love。


  7. Focus on the negative。


  If you constantly think and talk about your partner's flaws it can amplify your discontent. A paradox of most forms of couples therapy is that you spend your sessions complaining about your partner—something that can actually be detrimental to your relationship。


  8. Refuse to listen。


  Thinking you are the right all the time and engaging in a one-way monologue is a great way to end up in a relationship…of one。


  9. Hide your needs。


  If you don't express what you need and want to your partner, you'll constantly feel deprived and frustrated. It's crucial share "the things that truly touch your heart."

  如果你从不对伴侣表达你需要什么想要什么,你会一直感觉到不满和沮丧。分享那些“真正触动你内心的东西” 是非常重要的。

  10. Expect a fairytale romance。


  Fairy tales are just that and eventually we all have to come down to earth. Demanding the fantasy go on forever prevents your partner from ever being their authentic self and fosters resentment and distance。


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